Update -Bride asking bridesmaids etiquette

Is she aware that you wanted to ask her originally? And how close are you? Would she be offended? I guess what I'm getting at, is typically it is rude to b list someone, but it doesn't sound like she was actually an afterthought. I think if you have a good relationship with her, it will be ok.

Ask her! You wanted her in it from the begining and it sounds like you are close enough that she will understand and be honored!

@sak idk if she knew I was going to ask her but I did talk with my brother and mother about it when I first was picking bridesmaids. My brother said she wouldn't expect me to ask because she knew I had family I was close to and was on a budget. So it's never been brought up again. I don't think she would be offended. But I just don't know how to handle the situation.

I would not do this, even if you are close. No matter how you phrase it, it IS an afterthought. You prioritized other people over her initially, regardless of budget constraints, etc. It sounds like your heart is totally in the right place, but I'd just let it be.

PS: i've had 1 BM for sure drop out, and 1 BM on the rocks...no replacements have been made, even though i definitely have a people that if i were choosing my bridal party today, i would probably add.

I don't think it's "last minute." The wedding is 4 months away. That's plenty of time to buy the dress and have it altered if necessary. I can only assume she was going to be at the wedding anyway, since she's your brother's fiance, so it's not like she'd be scrambling to make plans to be there.

Should you bother? Yes, if you really do want her to be in the wedding. But I agree with Christy that you shouldn't explain that you wanted to ask her originally or why you're asking now. Just ask. And have all the info she needs ready to give to her if she says yes. For example, which dress does she need to buy, where can she get it, when does she need to make an appointment for a fitting, when does it need to be ready, what kind of shoes does she need, hair/makeup arrangements, etc.

Also give her your other bridesmaids' contact info if she doesn't know them already. It might even be a good idea to invite them all to lunch and introduce them to her if they're not already friendly, just so that it feels more inclusive of her and they can invite her to join in whatever shower/bachelorette plans they may have in the works.

I wouldn't ask as I feel it seems like an afterthought as well. My junior bridesmaid had to drop out which left our wedding party uneven. I did not replace her. We are just doing 4 girls on my side and 5 guys on my fiancé's side.

How do you think she would feel if you asked her? Maybe ask your brother how he thinks she would feel? You definitely don't want her to feel like an after though to B lister. I don't think it's too close to your date to add a new BM.

You obviously know that this situation could go one of two ways. I agree with the above comment that this is definitely a "know your audience" situation. I'm not the type of person to get hurt or offended for being asked late to the party. In fact- TWO of the weddings that i was a bridesmaid in i was asked later than everyone else. My FSIL asked me 2 months before the wedding. She had someone drop out, and we had just began getting close that year- that was the solidification of our friendship too. I didnt feel hurt, actually that was the first time i ever truly felt accepted by any of his family. The other picked me up and took me to dinner one-on-one. She told me that she had just went through a lot of life changes, re-evaluated her friends and relationships, and told me how important it was to her that i be a part of her big day. She ended up paying for my dress since it was later than most bridesmaids get asked.

If it happened to me again, i still wouldn't be upset. But i know that other people would be. I have a girl in my bridal party now that i WISH i would have asked to be my Matron of Honor, but i wont because she's very sensitive, and if i asked her now she wouldn't understand at all why i didn't ask in the first place.

It truly depends on the person and how you explain what you want and why you want it.

I was asked to be a last minute bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding. Some family drama that didn't really impact us directly kept her from asking me in the first place (which I was aware of and could foresee). As her wedding day got closer, she told me that she couldn't imagine not having me there day of, it just didn't feel right, and she really hoped that I'd be her bridesmaid even though it was a bit delayed. I love her and was excited to be there for her!

Don't worry about how it looks or sounds you want her in your wedding ask her to be your bride maid then let the decision be hers simple as that

She's a B-list bridesmaid, and she'll know it.

Don't replace people, it's not cool.

Honestly, she should be honored that you ask, even if it was a second thought. This day is about you, not how it'll make her feel. Two similar scenarios I've been in in the last year.

My cousin called me 4 months before her wedding and started venting about one of her bridesmaids being a flake and not buying the dress. She was so nervous to ask "... if she won't buy the dress by Saturday, will you stand in for me?" She didn't want to ask me to be her "backup" but my reaction was OF COURSE I'LL BE YOUR BACKUP BRIDESMAID! I was honored she thought of me at all! She tried saying "well I wanted to have you in it originally, but then it was..." and I'm like, I don't care! It doesn't matter!

Then, my FSIL asked me to be her bridesmaid, and I was the last one she asked, by a long shot. It came out that she was deciding between me and another friend of hers, and she talked to her friend first, but she was already in a wedding that day, so I was the second choice. Again, NOT a big deal to me. Wasn't the least bit offended or salty. Maybe that's just me, but I really think that we make the wedding too much about the other people when it's the Bride's and Groom's day. Not the guests. Not the WP. Don't be so worried about what she feels like, and don't feel like you have to explain yourself. It couldn't hurt, but I'm just saying this is your day. Good luck!

I also agree with those saying not to explain your delayed proposal. Honestly, that (if anything) is what made me feel awkward about both times I was a "b list bridesmaid". If they had just flat out asked, I never would have even thought of that. Just ask her, and tell her it's okay if she can't swing it!

If you had spoken to your brother about it initially AND he told you how she wouldn't expect you to ask her beside of whatever reason, I guarantee she already knows she wasn't an afterthought. It's not like they don't talk about these things when you're not around.

The concern should be whether or not she could financially afford to be in it and at such a late notice.

ETA if you were in her position, don't you think your fiancé would think it sweet to tell you that his sister wanted to ask you but couldn't because of family, budget, etc.? I think it would be a sweet topic of conversation like, "Aww my sister loves you but..." knowing that you wouldn't get offended?

If I were in your position, I'd ask her.

Ask her but obviously just be careful how you ask her so it's not like she is an after thought. It depends on your relationship with her how she will react but she will likely feel obligated since she's your brothers fiancé.

I wouldn't - it's like saying I didn't want to spend the money on you then but now I can Bc someone else backed out so you're important enough to spend the money on now

I just wanted to let you all know that I did ask her to be a bridesmaid and she was very honored and excited. My bridesmaids texted her and all welcomed her into the bridal party and filled her in on any surprises they have for me. In this scenario the situation went really well and I'm so happy to have her part of my day.

So thank you for all your advice and I appreciate the feedback from all view points of how this could have happened