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Dedicated October 2019

Unwelcome guest

Brittany, on June 20, 2019 at 7:54 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
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Hi all,

I’m struggling with a bit of drama I’m hoping you can help with. I have a guest who is one of my bridesmaid's now ex-best friend. They had a falling out and are not cordial. Both consider their relationship to be over. I invited this guest before all of this drama came to surface, and now I don’t even want her there. We were never that close to begin with, I only knew her because of my bridesmaid and invited her as an acquaintance. She has pretty much cut ties with our entire friend group.

It it is obviously not an option to un-invite her, I know. But I’m worried that if she chooses to come there will be bad energy. This bridesmaid in particular probably wouldn’t be able to ignore it. This guest is also known to get belligerent when she drinks and the uncertainty of her behavior scares me.

My question is- how can I approach this situation? Is there a polite way to reach out to this guest and set expectations? She is really a loose cannon so it’s hard to predict what would happen.


*EDIT: I should add that this guest has not received a formal invitation, just a save the date. I assume it would still be inappropriate to not send one? I guess a STD is a preliminary invitation....

19 Comments

Latest activity by Emma, on June 21, 2019 at 8:03 PM
  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
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    That's a tough one. I think in this case it would be totally ok to univite her. You said yourself she cut ties with the friend group. You can approach it by saying you don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. Hopefully she isn't wan't to come anyway

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  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
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    You really shouldn’t uninvite her, but if you’re never going to see her again I guess you could. But now that she has an invite, nothing stops her from just showing up. I would wait, if you were never close she will likely decline or not respond anyway. That’s what happened in a similar situation for our weddding.
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  • B
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    Ugh I know it's so tough!

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  • B
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    I forgot to mention that she has this guest has *not* received a formal invitation, just a save the date. Do you all think it is inappropriate to just not send one?
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  • Megan
    VIP January 2019
    Megan ·
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    Again it’s rude.... but I’d probably just “forget” the invite. Did your save the date have location/time info or just a General day and town?
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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    If she cut ties with the friend group, does that include you? I think it would be totally fine to not send an invite if that’s the case. Or if she still wants to come (which I don’t see why she would) talk to her about your concerns. I know etiquette says you should send her an invite if she received a STD, but maybe this is an exception.
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  • B
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    Great question. Our STD had our town and state, but also the wedding website so technically the wedding information is public and visible to anyone with a STD.
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  • B
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    As for cutting ties with me personally, we never communicated that much in the first place so it’s hard to tell. But through this drama I now know that my relationship with bridesmaid (now her ex-best friend) was a point of jealousy and caused issues in their relationship. So who knows, maybe she’s not my biggest fan anyway and it just never showed.
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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    I'd probably just forget it and not send one. It's probably rude, but if it could potentially avoid an awkward situation, probably worth it.
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  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
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    I would just skip her invite. There is enough going on & having to worry about someone that you don’t like, don’t care about maintaining a friendship with & will just cause problems at the wedding and reception is not a worry that I want to be bothered with.
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  • Michelle
    Beginner August 2019
    Michelle ·
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    While it feels impolite, I would not invite this guest. You only sent a save the date. I doubt she will be upset that she isn’t invited considering your relationship her and her falling out with the friend group. Take a deep breathe and realize it’s you and your FH day. In the planning process I’m learning I can’t please everyone too! You got this!
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  • B
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    Thank you for the kind words, so sweet!
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  • B
    Dedicated October 2019
    Brittany ·
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    Thanks for all the input everyone, I really appreciate it and feel a lot less worried about this!!!!!
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    If you want to cut ties with her altogether I would just not send an invite. It would def ruin your relationship with her but doesn't sound like you have much of one anyway!

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  • Margaret
    Dedicated June 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Eh, while deemed inappropriate, I think you can make an exception in this case. It isn't like you're losing a relationship and, from your side of the story, she sounds volatile and you don't need her there. Maybe she assumes she wouldn't be invited at this point anyway? So don't send her invite. If she asks, be honest about the situation.
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  • MrsJohansson
    Expert June 2019
    MrsJohansson ·
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    I don't see why un-inviting her is not an option? You aren't close and considered her because of your other friend. Now there is bad blood and there will be negative energy at your wedding. Your big day. I wouldn't chance it.

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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Just don't send her an invitation. She should know why she isn't getting an invite.

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  • Bride2020
    Devoted May 2020
    Bride2020 ·
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    If you're really never going to see her again, totally botched relationship, no hope of repair and everything being fine 6 months from now... I know with zola you can't RSVP unless your name is on the list, if your site is the same, just take her name off, if she tries to rsvp with the save the date, between it not working and not receiving a formal invite, I think she'll get the message, no need to confront her. If she wants to be petty, she'll text you and ask about it, you can tell her she isn't invited then. If you're REALLY worried about it, maybe make the schedule party of your page private if she's the type to just show up anyways to be rude.

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  • Emma
    Beginner February 2020
    Emma ·
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    I personally would just not send the invite. If she asks you about it then you can tell her at that time that because her friendship with the bridesmaid ended thay you dont feel comfortable with her coming.

    If you do decide to send the invite and she RSVPs as coming you may want to look into getting a security for your venue. It may seem like a dramatic move but you don't want to put any of your wedding guests in harms way due to her unpredictable behavior. That way you can go about your day not worrying about this person and in the chance something happens you have a way to deal with it quickly. I would also inform the venue and bar staff about her behavior when she drinks so that it is less likely that she is over served.


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