Unwanted jack and Jill

Yikes, she wants to ask people for money for a wedding they won't event be invited to? No, no, no. I would stand firm. Explain to your fiance how rude it is. A wedding is an optional party, and no one is responsible for paying for it other than the couple. If your MIL wants to help pay for it, then she should offer with her own money, not others.

Oh boy, definitely stick to your gut on this one. What she is suggesting is really inappropriate in multiple ways and would only reflect badly on you at the end of the day.

I would be really, really firm about this because people will find this incredibly rude. I'm normally a "no one is guaranteed an invite to anyone's wedding, no matter how close you are" kind of person, but a fundraiser Jack and Jill is kind of the exception. I would expect an invite to a wedding I gave money to pay for. This could end up really upsetting people. I would be firm with them that this is really rude and not okay.

I agree with the previous comments. You really need to talk to your FH and explain how rude this would be and how it will reflect on you guys and let him talk to his mom.

If they aren’t invited to share your day with you I would also feel weird about accepting any gifts at a shower. Showers aren’t really for wedding fundraising either. I know it can be tough but I would make it clear that you aren’t comfortable with the situation. If she wants to throw a “jack and Jill” that’s fine, but with only people on YOUR guest list and will no expectation of fund raising for the wedding. There’s other options besides a traditional registry. I personally think it’s fine to register for gift cards, you could do a recipe shower, stock the bar shower and so on.

Yikes is right. I agree with the PPs. Stick to your gut and stand your ground with this one, and explain to your FH how incredibly rude this would be. He should back you up with this

Personally I'm not a fan of Jack and Jills or asking anyone for money for the wedding but maybe its the norm in their family? I know some families throw them all the time.

I would talk to your FH and tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Good luck!

You are in the right. This would be my hill to die on.

What’s a jack and Jill? Sorry I’ve never heard of this before..(I’m an Aussie 😆)

View Quoted Comment Depending on where you're from, there seem to be 2 separate meanings. One is when you throw a co-ed bridal shower. The other is when you host a party in which you basically charge a cover in an effort to raise money to pay for the wedding. Based on OP's post, it seems like her future mother in law is using the latter definition.

Stand your ground and let your concerns be known to your fiance. Beyond that, there's not much you can do. Best of luck.

My mil also wanted to plan a shower to invite people to that weren’t invited to the wedding and I put a big fat no on that one. I just think that’s so rude (oh hey you can’t come celebrate with us, but give me some money).


As far as asking for money, we have the same issue of we both have lived on our own so we literally own double of every house item you would need. We had a few things we needed after making some renovations to the house so we put those on the registry along with a Zola fund labeled with specific things (I.e. A fence for our dog once we move in together) (yes I know peoples opinions on “cash funds”, but we had people literally asking to give us money multiple times). For me it was a balance between not having a shower flat out asking for money and not getting tons of gifts of items we already have double of (that’s wasteful in my opinion). It gave people options. We got a mixture of registry items, gift cards, and cash. I’d say maybe find a few items to register for (Amazon would give you the widest array of stuff to choose) and make a small registry and tell your mil you don’t want anything specifically asking for money, if you’re wanting to compromise with her. Or just do what you want and say no I don’t want any kind of shower (honestly I wish I had done that). No one can throw you a shower without you present lol

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the input! I talked to my fiancé tonight and we’re going to talk to his mom and see exactly what she has in mind and also let her know who we’d want invited.