Unwanted guests

I’m guessing that you are talking about a true plus one which is a platonic random stranger, who is anyone the guest chooses. A significant other, whether they just started dating and consider themselves official or they have been together a decade or more as common law spouses and no ring or intention to make their relationship legal on paper, is always listed by name on the invitation. You don’t get to tell someone to come celebrate your relationship while you ignore theirs.


If this a true random stranger plus one, you don’t get to police who they bring. You can set boundaries if they are a danger to others (racist, violent, abusive, homophobic, etc) and then have security remove them. But you don’t get to decide who they are allowed to bring or not. Contrary to popular belief, many social circles and families do not offer a random stranger plus one for guests who are not in relationships (outside of dating/living together, etc) that is confirmed before save the date notices are sent. It is never a faux paid to not invite them. If you are that concerned that you are unable to trust your loved ones to behave as mature adults, don’t invite the guests you don’t trust and don’t allow true plus ones.

View Quoted Comment Hey, thanks for your reply! It gave a lot of insight on how the plus one system usually works. So I'm referenceing to a friend of a friend on this situation. Small example (not using real names), Bob (fiance) and Jim (ex friend) were friends for 8 years, then had a sudden falling out. Jim(ex friend) and Billy (friend that is invited) are still friends. The concern isn't with Billy doing something wrong, it's with Jim not understanding boundaries and possibly wedding crashing. That being said, I didn't understand that usually plus ones go to people that are in a relationship, I thought it could be applied to single people that wanted to being a friend. (Which mind you we are having a relatively small wedding (60 people max) and we don't know many people so we would like to fill in some spots. I'm not trying to control who brings who, and I understand that if people are in relationship you should respect them, just like I would want mine. My main concern is what should I do in the situation where someone who is Not invited gets invited as a plus one.

A plus-one is not a random platonic stranger. By the rules of etiquette, a plus-one is for anyone who isn’t married, engaged, or living together. Those three categories are the only ones required to be invited together. Anyone else in a romantic relationship, you can choose to invite their romantic partner by name or invite the person you know with a plus-one, which allows them to invite whomever they choose as their escort, romantic or platonic. It’s your call which way to go. I usually invite known romantic couples together, but that can get sticky if the person you wanted to invite has broken up with that person and wants to bring someone else. So that’s a matter of personal preference and your social circle.


But if you do give someone a plus-one, you don’t get to dictate who they bring. If you really think they’re going to bring someone inappropriate, then it would be best to just invite them alone, without a plus-one.

Properly, there should be no such thing as a random plus one. Technically, you are supposed to call and get the name and address of the date, partner, or person as the case may be and send the proposed guest an individual invitation. That way, a host has advance knowledge and control over their own guest list. Since it's not transferable, there is no way for someone to bring an unwanted person or substitute one guest for another.

If any of these friends are in a relationship by the time the invitations are mailed, the invitation would go to that person by name and you'd be covered. If they are single, and you are that concerned, I agree with PP and would not give them the option of bringing just anyone.