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Yolanda
Dedicated July 2021

Unsure of what to do...

Yolanda, on August 4, 2019 at 10:21 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 18
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Hello all,
Where to start, I asked one of my sisters to officiate, since she is a minister and can marry couples. I also wanted her as my matron of honor, she agreed to both. In my head the plan was to have her walk down with the procession and instead of stand with the bridal party, she would get on the podium. At 1st everyone said she should do either one or the other, not both. She has been there since day one of my relationship and we felt who better to marry us. I asked her what she wanted and she said she would prefer to just officiate, but will ultimately do what I ask. Right now she is having financial difficulties and I know it's a concern. I don't want to add the financial stress that comes with being in a wedding, and I am not in a position to help as much as I'd like. I feel like it would be wrong to ask her to just officiate and also wrong to have her in a position where I know she can't really afford to spend the extra money. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.

18 Comments

Latest activity by MrsV1027, on August 6, 2019 at 8:48 AM
  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
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    She already gave you your answer, she’d prefer to just officiant. You also don’t have the funds to pay her share of being a bridesmaid. There’s nothing wrong with that, in fact I’d say her role in your wedding is more special than being a bridesmaid. She’s going to unify your relationship, she’s the one that says you’re now married.
    We’re having a close friend officiant for ours, it’s considered an absolute honor to have this role.
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  • Yolanda
    Dedicated July 2021
    Yolanda ·
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    Thank you. I feel that her officiating is more special, it's just I feel guilty for some reason, like I'm somehow going to hurt her feelings. I'm probably overthinking it, I tend to do that a lot.
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    I agree. Officiating your wedding is a very special position and that’s what she wants to do. Sounds like it will work out great!!!!
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  • Emily
    Dedicated June 2021
    Emily ·
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    You can still treat her as a part of the bridal party. Have your BMs and new MOH include her in the bachelorette party and wedding shower, etc. She can be just the Officiant and still be included in the Bridal events.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I know she's still honored to be your officiant, even if she isn't a member of the bridal party!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Officiating would be great, sounds really meaningful
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    In addition to officiating the ceremony, perhaps she can offer a blessing before the reception meal and/or give a MOH-like toast? If it's in your budget, get her a corsage (daughter had a boutonniere for their male officiant). If you and FH give a speech or welcome at the reception, be sure to thank her for all the many ways she's always supported you both and your relationship. She sounds like an awesome person, so it's wonderful you want to make a point of recognizing her. Smiley heart

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  • Kayla
    Dedicated November 2020
    Kayla ·
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    Agree with this completely!! Being the officiant is actually to me way more of a special/important role and you have the added benefit of the financial aspect.
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  • Wendy
    Dedicated April 2020
    Wendy ·
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    Since she said she would prefer to just officiate, I think it's a win win. She won't have to worry about the extra expenses of being in the wedding party and she gets to do what she prefers Smiley smile

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  • Madison
    Devoted May 2022
    Madison ·
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    My brother is officiating our wedding but will still be apart of the grooms party and will participate in the activities that they do. Also no reason to feel bad especially if she said that’s what she wanted to do 💕
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    I think having her officiate is best, she said she prefers it. Also I think it's much more significant role than maid of honor. You can still have her get dressed with you and all that.
    You're clearly being mindful of her situation and comfort so you're no over thinking so much as being cautious. Tell you love her and you want her to be officiant.
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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
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    I think she already told you. I am also an officiant and have performed ceremonies for several close friends. In some of them I would have been a bridesmaid if I wasn't officiating and that is fine with me. I say let her take that role of honor without stressing the specific dress. I think she feels honored that you want her to be a part of the day in any way.

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  • Yolanda
    Dedicated July 2021
    Yolanda ·
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    Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.
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  • Tamika
    Expert October 2019
    Tamika ·
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    I would just have her Officiate the Wedding instead of putting a lot of burden. Officiating a wedding is a lot of work when you actually know the person and has so many great things to say.

    I have a similar situation where I have a Wedding Coordinator but made her my Honorary Matron of Honor. She is helping get the wedding together with my ideas and doing the centerpieces and flowers, I made her my Honorary Matron but she will not be front and center.


    I know, It's hard.

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  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    She told you she wanted to only officiate, please do not press her for more. The officiant is a super special role!!! Let it go that she will be your maid of honor.

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  • AEW
    Dedicated December 2023
    AEW ·
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    Hey Yolanda,

    I think either way, at least your sister will be an integral part of your wedding. But like Yam said, her being able to preside over the ceremony will make it all the more special. I'd be more concerned if she were unable to attend at all.

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  • Yolanda
    Dedicated July 2021
    Yolanda ·
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    Hi all,
    Thank you so much for your help. I have talked to her and she's going to officiate😁. She was relieved,which makes me feel better and I'm just glad she's just going to be there.
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    Honestly officiating is much more of an exciting role anyways. She is the one literally marrying you! How much more special can you get than that?

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