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ElucidBride215
Savvy May 2021

Unsure about Honeymoon

ElucidBride215, on April 14, 2020 at 3:00 PM Posted in Honeymoon 0 7
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So in addition to all this uncertainty/insanity for summer 2020, my fiance and I still haven't actually planned a honeymoon. There have been multiple discussions about where we could go, and if we could afford it. My fiance would be paying for most of it, as my parents are paying for most of the reception costs and I'm paying for other vendors.

Here's the issue: he's not really at all interested in planning, even before the pandemic. He works full time, and also goes to grad school online part time (but his semester ends the first week of May), and when he's not doing that, he's working on things around the house.

We are now 3.5 months out from the wedding. I've emphasized how important going on a honeymoon is to him, and the timing of said honeymoon (we cannot go in the fall because he will be in his last semester of school), so that would leave August, right after the wedding, or January, over six months after, which doesn't sound like a honeymoon to me. I don't know obviously what will happen with this virus, and if it will get worse in the cooler months.

I'm hopeful that we could be able to have a wedding AND go on a trip (Hawaii, or somewhere in the Carribbean, although again idk what international travel restrictions would be like, plus it would be really hot there in August). I know an August destination to a tropical location is sort of limiting Smiley sad

As much as I love the idea of Hawaii, I am open to somewhere else tropical if it is more budget-friendly and less devastating if we did have to cancel. I have talked to him about this. I know deep down he prefers January. Alot of my friends waited like 2-3 months after their weddings but six months seems insane to me.

This sounds nuts, but if we go in January, I don't want to have to hold my breath and pray I don't get pregnant until then, and then won't be able to go. We want a baby sometime in 2021, but if I don't have a honeymoon I'm afraid I will be resentful. (Did I mention I've never been ANYWHERE ever in my life?) I'm 35. This is my last shot before a baby to do anything fun; and as a couple we've NEVER been on a single vacation together, not even a semi-local beach. I've waited my whole life for these two moments - wedding and honeymoon - and I wanted to do them in the proper sequence. I've also waited for a baby as well - BUT i know once we have a child, things will get complicated, exhausting, and expensive.

I think it's very important to book this honeymoon soon (in the next few weeks, before ticket prices go back up again). I am in the process of researching what travel insurance would cover if we postponed instead of cancelling (I know basic insurance, and Cancel For Any Reason insurance for that matter, do not cover pandemics, or fear of travel). At that pt. I sort of gave up, but now I know that I can postpone if travel is still an issue.

My fiance is more of a saver and it is very important to him to have as much investments and assets accumulated as possible, esp. in the event of a depression. I LOVE to plan; he's a "wait and see" kind of guy, which drives me nuts. He has the means to pay for this trip, but has confided that before the pandemic he didn't have barely anything in savings (which made me mad). He is NOT cheap, just frugal, and despite being my opposite, that's why I love him, because I know he would provide for our future family.

He taught me about debt and finances. I was able to crawl out of my own credit card debt last year, and have never looked at money the same way since. However, a honeymoon, while it can be extravagant, is not, in my opinion, something that should be cast aside as optional.

But, how do I convince him to book now? How do I emphasize to him how important this is? I feel like literally every other groom out there would jump at the chance. I'm tired of trying to discuss it with him and the conversation goes nowhere because he's busy and has other things on his mind.

I understand that he's feeling a lot of pressure - first the ring, now wedding, now honeymoon - all $$$$. I guess it's my fault for putting that on him because I've waited my whole life for all these things and they're all happening at once. It's a lot. I get it. But, we are not buying a new house anytime soon and I agreed to remain in the home we have now for at least a few years (with some new furniture and carpeting) because I know these things take time.

But, I refuse to let him use this virus as an excuse to get out a honeymoon.

Am I alone here? Are there any other brides out there with "frugal" significant others who give them a hard time about wedding stuff or a honeymoon? How did you get them to level with you?

I mean - we are never going to have this time back. I just think it's really abnormal. For the record - he does love me and we are on solid ground, but he did say he would take me somewhere - but when he is planning on doing this? It's all very nerve-wracking.

7 Comments

  • Cassie
    Savvy August 2020
    Cassie ·
    • Flag

    My wedding is august too! We're planning on a trip to Myrtle Beach right after the wedding and I'm getting antsy about booking a hotel soon. We've gone before and it's our favorite destination, but always stayed in a motel/airbnb. Would really like to stay in a semi/all-inclusive hotel this time but don't want to book too soon and lose the deposit if the whole situation hasn't calmed down yet. My fiancé is also not into planning. But just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

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  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    We got married in August and went on our honeymoon in January - and it felt great! We had a nice break, financially, to help make the honeymoon less stressful, and also give ourselves something to look forward to after the excitement of the wedding. (Also, it was frigid where we lived, and somewhat warmer in Disney, where we went. Even on the coldest week they'd had in decades!)

    I'm about your age, so I understand the pressure for a baby, as well as for a vacation, just the two of you. It is important to give yourselves a break, and spend time together. Would it be possible for your FH to plan after his semester ends? It sounds like he's got a lot on his plate right now - maybe you can do a little bit of research to give him a head start?

    Unfortunately, everything is kind of paused right now, so you may have to be a little flexible about where and when.

    (On a getting pregnant note, it can take 6-12 months to conceive, so, please, don't panic.)

    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Super April 2021
    Alisha ·
    • Flag

    My wedding is in August and I want to book my honeymoon right after we get married but I am going to wait to see how things are going to be with this virus to determine what we are going to do. I don't want to book a honeymoon and lose my deposit. My fh and I have discussed our honeymoon and we are prepared to go later if it does not work out in August. I know how you feel,

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  • Samantha
    Devoted October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    I started planning our vacations from the start of our relationship. I gave up on any input early on. It's not that he isn't interested, he just doesn't like to plan. I love planning vacations, I do all the bookings. I only validate the location and length of time. He comes along for the ride. If you don't want to get pregnant before your honeymoon, continue to protect yourself until you are ready. At the moment travel is unlikely. I wouldn't book a big first ever trip during a pandemic. I know it's hard, but please be patient so that you can fully enjoy your honeymoon.
    • Reply
  • ElucidBride215
    Savvy May 2021
    ElucidBride215 ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I guess my fear is that virus is worse and worse and January won't be safe to fly, either.

    I don't mind waiting to January IF I knew we were actually able to go, it just kind of sucks, because I have literally waited a lifetime for this and this virus happens.

    I cannot biologically afford to keep putting these big life events on hold.

    If travel is unlikely by August, I fear the ban on public gatherings will remain as well, so in that case we would have to postpone everything either way.


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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    These are extraordinary times. Be happy you have someone who will not impulsively spend a chunk of money you may need in what could be jobless times. If you want tropical, you do not want to go when it is super hot, and do not want hurricane season. If people are allowed to travel at all, January is a good time. We married in October, honeymooned in Feb, in Aruba, Curacao, and in South America. At the time, an excellent choice. After all the planning, and working extra hours for wedding money, and working through grad school, it was nice to go home after 3 days away after the ceremony. We got almost all physical gifts, not money. Things to rearrange, get rid of, put away. People to visit, and we had several dinner parties and a holiday party. Unlike the wedding, we really spent hours talking and doing something with very small groups of friends, things neglected finishing grad school and wedding planning. Nice to be together with nothing hanging over our heads. And we slept and slept away many months of sleep deficit. By vacation we were happy, relaxed and healthy, and had enough in the bank to handle things had we gotten stranded somewhere by illness a few weeks. Also, a brief mention on having a baby: it is unwise to get pregnant in the first year of an epidemic of a new disease. Until there are babies born whose mothers got the virus at different stages of pregnancy, you don't know what will happen. Will it be like Rubella, where mothers of babies who got it in the first months of pregnancy frequently were delivered at 1.5 pounds and died? Or those who went to term, but many many deaf and blind and developmentally delayed? Or like Zika, many babies born without functioning sections of their brain, never developing beyond infancy, not as able as a squirrel, in a lifetime? There is no way to know yet. Is there something mothers could take to cancel the effects? There might be an antiviral, in time. But no matter what your age, if it turns out there is a big 10% or 40% chance of severe birth defects, won't you wish you had waited a year? I think your husband-to-be is on the right track. And your impatience is not helpful or reasonable. My opinion. Just over 1.5 years back, we spent weeks in Europe, with family mostly. After leaving, hundreds of miles away in a major city, with flights due and waiting periods between them, 2 of our kids got plain old strep throat. Drug resistant. Went up Eustachian tubes. Could not fly anywhere. Medical treatment all cash on the line, since we're were leaving that country. Medical bills , plus hotel, transportation, meals in an expensive City. Ambulance and emergency treatment, not at citizens insured by gov rates. The extra time, 1.5 weeks late returning home and new rescheduled flights, minus a few things we got reimbursed for, including 2.5 weeks lost wages for each of us, cost us $80,000. 4 years savings, for 2 frugal people You never know what will happen when you travel. You don't even know what countries will take you in the fall. Be happy if you get a late winter trip. You want to try for a baby in the following year, $20,000 extra spending minimum. You don't want to risk having lost your savings to getting quarantined or sick, or in a taxi cab accident or any little thing in a far away place. Just before it is time to start a baby. I would advise you to wait.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    And that is understandable. We are all unfortunately in the same boat one way or another. However, life does not have to be one or the other. I understand that you want a big trip before becoming parents. You don't have to compromise. I knew a girl who was literally raised on a boat she sailed the world with her parents from birth. There are always opportunities to explore the world. In January I imagine that travel within one's own country will be possible. Look for things close to home. You have the luck of living in a country that is literally the size of Europe with everything from skiing to tropical islands. Research now and be ready to buy when the time is right. And yes it does suck. ❤️
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