Unruly Children at the Wedding

Are they from out of town? If they're local, they can get a babysitter and enjoy a night out on you. If they're OOT, you could offer to arrange someone to watch the kids at someone's house, or in a hotel room.

You do not HAVE to put anyone in your wedding. You BM should be chosen based on your relationship with them, period. Don't make her a BM.

Can't believe they are that old still behaving like that. 1. 13 & 11 is old enough to stay home alone. Depending on how long the wedding last I'd pray they opt for that option. I would insist you & fh pay for a sitter at their house. If they allow that action at a funeral I wouldn't want them anywhere near the wedding. If they decline then come back to WW I may have something else lol.

Why is your DH insisting on this? You get to pick who stands up with you, end of story.

I'm just wondering why she has to be in the wedding? Your BMs should be nearest and dearest to you.

You don't have to include her but if you're going to then your FH should be able to talk to his friend about this seeing as they are so close. He could use the funeral as an example. And no they shouldn't stay home by themselves! If they can't behave in public imagine what they could do alone!!

Your BM should be people who are close to YOU, not people who are married to people who are close to HIM. It's your choice.

We had this situation too. For this reason, we chose to have an adults only wedding and it was one of the best decisions we could have made. Some of his family members were a little upset as DH is from a big Italian family, but they got over it and had a great date night instead of a family night. Just one bride's opinion.

Um, I would not appreciate my FH trying to tell me I need to put someone I don't know that well as my bridesmaid. I don't think it's right for him to be insistent upon this, it's not fair to you.

As far as the children, unless you've decided on a children free ceremony, you'll have to allow them to attend. You can't pick and choose what children can and can't attend the wedding. As Zoe said, you can always find them a babysitter on you of you don't really want them to attend, but like I said if you're allowing other children to attend it may cause some tension.

@ Zoe--- they are not out of towners. But, it's hard to get friends to watch the children because of their behavior. Which means we would have to hire someone. A few of my family members have offered to keep an eye on them but, that would prevent them from enjoying the wedding.

@ Annakay & JamieLynn--- I like the mother and would have already included her in the wedding if not for the children. I have not really spent too much time with her since my FMIL's funeral because of the way that they behaved. At the wake, my FH and I had to tell the children to get up off of the floor and out of the hallway so that people could get through. It wasn't until after we said something that the father said something to his children,

@FFW-- LOL. I may make FH pay for the sitter since he is insisting on this. But, I have told FH that I am not going to let these children ruin our day and I mean that. So, it looks like he WILL be paying to have the parents attend.

@ Ely-- The friend already knows that his children are bad. He says that they don't listen because he and his wife have different views on how to discipline the children. To her, they are just children and want have fun. For him, they can have fun but also need to behave. So, they never agree on what to do.

If these "children" (and when I hear "children", I'm thinking 7 years old or less) have not yet mastered how to behave at funerals, then you have a 50/50 chance or more of realizing a freak-fest at your wedding. That isn't your fault. It isn't even the fault of the children. It's the fault of their parents, and frankly, I'm not in the camp that tells me that I have to accept every new child rearing theory that rolls down the pike. Fine, let your kids express themselves until they're red in the face and gasping for breath, but you'd better not do it while I'm burying either of my beloved parents. Hell, no. Any child who isn't removed when they're rolling around on the floor while I'm burying either of my parents is going to receive an unfriendly visit from my husband or two children while I'm tranquilized and sobbing next to my siblings in the front row. Hopefully, it will be my children, because my husband will not be as kind as my children when they say, "Thank you for coming. We appreciate it. Now, before my wife/mother breaks under the emotional strain she's already been medicated to ward off, can you kindly take your children out of here before I ask the funeral director to do it for you? Please?"

Mrs. BuildaBear, spend tonight googling Youtube videos entitled, "Screaming kid ruins wedding". Show them to you FH. Ask him if he's cool with spending five figures to shift the spotlight to kids who don't know how to behave at a wedding. Chances are, he isn't. It's not too late to save this. Just follow up with "child free wedding", and that means everyone beyond any children you and FH might have together or are bringing to the marriage (and PSA -- not a single bride on or off of this forum needs to explain the difference between the couple's children and their attendants' or guests' children). They either find a sitter or they decline. Keep replaying those videos for FH. Once he's convinced that his heartfelt, hand written vows could be drowned out by, "AHHHHHHHH....but I don't wanna! LEAVE ME ALONE!", he might change his mind. And for what it's worth, I'd put my foot down on it, and I'd do it today.

@ Centerpiece--- I love it. Thank you!!!!

Listen. You do NOT have in include her, you do NOT have to hire someone, and you do NOT have to have them ruin your wedding.

You've had a lot of good suggestions here, (beside the obvious, which involves duct tape) but frankly, this is not your problem unless you choose to make it so.

They've created their own personal hell by not raising their kids to be manageable, but that's not your issue.

They are not coming to the wedding, and it's their problem.

Again Centerpiece has the best advice. If the parents are unwilling to make the children listen, then the children should not be attending weddings or funerals. My daughter has her moments (she's 7) but she's been to 3 weddings (including mine) and 2 wakes (she was 3 when we took her in to my fil's wake before anyone got there) and she was 5 when we took her to my aunts wake (was maybe for 10 minutes or so) and she behaved better than these kids. With that being said tho, if she would have acted up we were prepared to take her out immediately.

Lottie, there is no shame in children having their moments -- they are, after all, undeveloped human beings, our future, but who cannot be expected to properly negotiate their way through life for a long time after birth (and my hat is off to you for knowing that you are required to watch your kids with an eagle eyed stare when they are attending an important event. Beyond taking action when necessary, that's all other people ask of moms and dads). The shame is pretending that those "moments" should take precedence over something as life altering as a funeral or a wedding. Let the family work it our somewhere else, but for God's sake, not at something as solitary and unique as a funeral or a wedding. Nobody's kid is more important than a life lived and memorialized or a marriage ceremony.

At 13 my daughters were being paid to babysit other people kids. I can't imagine a 13 year old needing a babysitter. This would be one big NO for me.

I don't see how its your responsibility to find sitters for somebody else's children.

I agree with the above suggestions. The children are not invited, and it's their parents' responsibility to make arrangements for that. It would certainly be very generous of you to pay for a sitter, but by no means required.

Thank you all... I agree with all of the comments and suggestions stated. We are going to get together with the parents after I get back from a business trip in a couple of weeks and I will let you know how it turns out.