Unresponsive Bridesmaid

My appointment and of course, they said no. So I went back to Cynthia and told her that my appointment can't be changed. At this point, I thought since the shower is still close to 4 months away, she'd look for another place to hold the shower. So 3 months go by and I don't hear anything from Cynthia about the shower (no request for guest list or anything) so I send her a quick text, just asking how everything is going and she tells me to relax, she's got it all under control. A week later (during the weekend), my MC (who is also my co-worker and invited to the shower) messages me, asking me if I had changed my final fitting appointment as the shower overlapped when my fitting was. Obviously, I was not please at the prospect of having to leave my own bridal shower early so I send a text to Cynthia asking if there was some sort of miscommunication between us or between her and the guests on the times of when I'm available on that day. She then tells me that for what she has planned,

We don't need that much time. An hour and a half would be plenty of time and I won't have to leave my own party early for my appointment. At this point, I just told her I figured out on my own that it's a high tea place and I don't think an hour and a half is enough time for 9, 10 girls to have high tea. Then she starts jumping on me, asking me who told me 'all the details' and when I told her my co-worker voiced some concerns to me about the shower and assumed Cynthia had cleared everything with me before sending out the invites, she starts badmouthing my co-worker (and good friend), saying she doesn't know what she's talking about and how she's giving me misinformation. At this point, I was getting peeved because she's bashing a good friend of mine and I straight up said, "is the shower not from X:XX to Y:YY?" and she said "yes", so I replied "so what misinformation is she giving me?". No response to that. After that, I told her I would rather move the shower to a later time (after

Lol youre right very long post...I'm not sure what your question is but its your wedding and your fitting cant be moved so she needs to be flexible and honestly 1.5 hours is not enough time for a shower period(im not sure what high tea is but still) Cant she just move the high tea thing up a little bit for you? Or is that not possible?

Yumm... High tea. High tea is fancy - if done right, you have a selection of hot teas and trays of sandwiches, scones, and petit fours.

I love doing afternoon/high tea when I go to England and that's what my bachelorette party will be.

Technically, you can do it in 1.5 hours - but do you want to? You don't want to be rushed.

I agree with Christina (where have you been by the way??? we've all been wondering how you are). It's your wedding and your shower and you made your expectations very clear from the get go. I would tell her that you would like it to be rescheduled to the date and time of your choosing and if she doesn't want to then tell her you will need to cancel. At this point you put another bridesmaid or a family member in control of the shower and move on.

My fitting appointment) so I'm not too rushed and can fully enjoy the party but she flat out refused. At this point, I was super frustrated and basically told her, "fine, just leave it as is and if I have to leave the party early, I have to leave the party early". So fast forward to 2 weeks later, I send a group message (via Facebook since not all my bridesmaids are actually in town) out to all my bridesmaids about when they're available for a mani/pedi session closer to the wedding date and also when they can get together so I can get them fitted for their dresses with the seamstress. A few days pass and there's no response so I try again via Whatsapp instead and one of them (the out of town one) responded with some dates and time that would work for her. My second one responded with times that would work for her and she adds that "those times should work for Cynthia too". So I privately messaged my second bridesmaid, Donna, and ask her if she's been able to reach Cynthia lately and

She said, off and on, she's been talking to Cynthia via text. So I try texting Cynthia privately, just jokingly asking her if she went on a vacation without telling me since she hasn't responded to any of the group messages and again, no response. So to me, that means, Cynthia still has her phone (hasn't been lost or anything) and she's seen the messages and she's choosing not to respond. So I guess my question is, what would you do in this situation? Wedding date is just around the corner and I really can't have an unresponsive bridesmaid when there are last minute details that needs to be hashed out and she's involved. I don't want to kick her out of the wedding party (as that's basically me putting an end to a 20 year friendship) but on the other hand, I don't want to deal with an unresponsive and unreliable person on my wedding day.

...Low tea is actually the fancy tea.

Sounds like maybe her feelings are bit hurt? How far does she live from you? Maybe give her a visit, and extend an olive branch?

Call her. You mention group messages, Whatsapp (whatever that is), texting, etc.

You need to talk to her. If she doesn't answer and/or doesn't reply to your voicemails, then kick her out. You need people who will help.

It sounds as thought she's upset about something deeper than just planning a shower. She might even feel that you are ungrateful for her plans. Just talk to her.

In England, high tea is more of a dinner (and historically considered lower on the social scale), but in America high tea and afternoon tea are often interchanged.

Seems like Cynthia is a little upset. was the shower supposed to be a surprise? I gathered from the way you wrote her response to you tell her what the coworker said about the time that possibly she was trying to throw you off the shower time to surprise you? aahhhh maybe I am way off base. anyways she is your friend, why not call her and reach out. your wedding is so close I dont think you should kick her out unless you HAVE to. call her, drop by even if you are that close. Her feelsings are prob a little hurt.

I'd say just drop it. If shes being unreaoonsive let her be. No needito go too so much trouble over this one girl. im sure you have other girls that are there to help and support you. If she has her dress and stuff needed for the wedding then just let her show up be a part of it and not make it into a big thing. If she's helping with other details and you can't rely on her for those assign someone else to do it.

Don't know if it's considered far but she lives about a 45 minute drive away... the thing is, the shower wasn't a surprise to begin with... I knew about it from the get-go because I had told her it had to be on a certain date because some of the people that I wanted to attend are from out of town and I was only available at certain times that day due to fitting appointments. Anyway, I guess I'm pissed because she's making it out to people that I'm being a total bridezilla over this when the fact of the matter is, I gave her all the details 4 months ago about my schedule for the day. I just don't want her to pull any stunts on the day of the wedding and not pick up her phone or not show up at all because she isn't the most reliable all the time (fyi - we were supposed to go to Vegas for Cynthia's stag last year but she actually slept in so when we arrived at her house to pick her up to go to the airport, she was completely not ready and we ended up missing our flight).

I would call her as well. Some people are quick to kick people out of the wedding party, but that essentially means ending that friendship. If you want to salvage your friendship, I would let it be (aside from calling to check in anyway).