Sorry, this is LONG!! I am getting married in August and have 4 bridesmaids. I got engaged back in June so I know I still have lots of time to plan. One of the bridesmaids is one of my best friends, but has started acting really different lately and I don't know what to do. My fiance included her in his proposal in that he talked with her to help lure me to proposal location, which I appreciate!
Before I got engaged, this friend would often text me about being annoyed with other people's engagement photos and basically being bitter anytime anyone on social media became engaged. After I got engaged, I talked with her and said, "Hey if I talk about my wedding too much, just let me know! Don't want to be annoying." I rarely talk about it with her because it seems to be a trigger point. A few months ago, I invited her to browse dresses for fun (I know it's still early) and she showed up late. She was the only person I invited and I was pretty annoyed about it but said nothing because it was a "just for fun" appointment. I tried on about 4 dresses before she arrived. She is usually late but I figured she would understand that this is an appointment and the time was non-negotiable.
Fast forward a few months and she suggested that all of the bridesmaids get together when people are back in our area for the holidays. She thought about doing a brunch, but I don't really like brunch as I think it's a waste of money and the other two bridesmaids who were going to be in the are weren't into it either. I figured I would put the spotlight on the bridesmaids and make a bridesmaids dress browsing appointment at David's Bridal. Before making the appointment, I checked in with everyone. The other bridesmaids were fine with any day/time and I preferred to go on a weekday. When I checked in with this particular friend said she didn't have any days off to go and had PTO but didn't want to use it for this, which I understood. I don't expect for people to use personal leave just to browse dresses. So I made the appointment for a weekend at 10:30 am. I wrote it out in an email and everyone said that worked for them. Because this friend is always late I put in a sentence that said "please be on time so we can maximize our appointment time, looking forward to it!" She said she marked it on her calendar. Because we made the appointment over a month ago, I sent a friendly email reminder a few days before the actual appointment to remind everyone. Everyone else responded but her. Because she is touchy about weddings/engagements in general, I didn't want to be annoying and ask her directly.
Leading up to the appointment I have texted her and asked her to hang out, but when we get to the date and time, she stops responding. For example, I'll say "Do you want to go to _______?" She'll say sure and then when I say, "How about Saturday?" I get no response.
Anyway, my 2 other bridesmaids and I got to David's early and were waiting in my sister's car. My late friend wasn't there and I texted her about something unrelated. She responded at 10:25 that she overslept ("sorry!" was all she said) and was on her way. I texted back that I was really disappointed because this is a big deal to me. She arrived about 20 minutes late and I was very annoyed. After the appointment, I waited to see if she would text me back to talk about it and she didn't. So I reached out and said she really hurt my feelings my coming late because it really didn't seem like she cared about any wedding activities and that I'd planned the appointment around her. She waited about 18 hours to text back (seriously....she is always on her phone so I knew she was ignoring me) and when she did, she said she didn't think she would miss much in ten minutes and didn't want to have a fallout.... but she was more than ten minutes late. I pointed out she was late to the other dress appointment and she said she wasn't. But she was....at that point I lost my patience with her because she really didn't seem apologetic. I told her that this was a fallout and that it was her fault. She is a bit of a demanding friend and asks for a lot of support and I often drop things at a moments notice just to be there for her when she is having dating/relationship problems, which is often..but she can't show up for me for me for events that are supposed to be fun. In the past she has mentioned being removed from another friend's bridal party and she said she didn't know why but now I am wondering if similar issues arose....
It just seems she doesn't care. I don't want to remove anyone from my wedding party because I'm not that kind of person, but I feel weird including someone who doesn't seem to care about the wedding or me in general...I told my fiance about the issue about it and he feels weird about it too. What should we do? Anyone have similar experiences??
Sorry this was SO LONG!
