Unreasonable Bride

I don't think you're being unreasonable with your request at all, but I also think I would let this one go. I completely understand wanting all of your bridesmaids to be there to get ready the morning of, but if this bridesmaid will already be getting ready elsewhere I just wouldn't stress over it. I would tell her/her mother that she's more than welcome to use her own stylist, but she is expected to be at the venue at a certain time for pictures (which could be early enough for getting ready pictures in the matching pajamas if that's what you want).

I don’t know that you’re necessarily being unreasonable, but I also don’t know that this is a hill you should die on. I’ve been in plenty of weddings where the bridal party shows up at staggered times and it’s been fine.

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I'm less concerned about the time, and more worried about needing to redo her hair and makeup because I vetoed her hair down and dark makeup right before she decided to use her own stylist.

I don't think you should dictate how they do their hair and makeup. Everyone has their own preference for hair and makeup. It is fine to ask that she not wear dark makeup, but I think it is unreasonable to tell someone they can't wear their hair down. Your girls aren't robots that they need to look exactly like. If she wants to go her own stylist then fine. If she doesn't want to drink then I don't see a problem with that. I don't drink so there is no way I would listen if a bride demanded that I drink before her wedding. I think you really need to just let it go. As long as she is there for the photos that you want then I think it is fine.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want her there, BUT it seems like this girl has a lot of issues including probably a lot more that you are unaware of. Just enjoy your morning with your other bridesmaids and let her arrive when she wants. As long as she’s dressed appropriately and is in time for the ceremony I wouldn’t give her a hard time.

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Hi Veronica, first I want to address I never asked her to drink. I meant to say I was offended by the comment. I have two bridesmaids in AA and one who is pregnant. So 3/7 automatically won't be drinking.

The hair and makeup won't be exactly the same. Everyone was choosing their own updo and own simple glam makeup. Lots of the girls are providing their own lipstick. I felt I was reasonable asking for an updo since I am paying for it. Most weddings I have been in have dictated how hair and makeup is to be done and even jewelry and shoes (which I'm letting them decide on their own). I even let all the girls pick out their own dresses so I feel I have been very accommodating.

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Thanks Gen! I think you're probably right. Honestly I've dealt with so many complaints from her mother about EVERYTHING, this was just my breaking point and I'm taking it harder than I need to. Just seemed weird because her sister is getting ready with everyone else.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I totally understand why you’re a little annoyed but I just feel like it’s not worth the fight you know? Like just let her do what she wants 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all especially since you communicated this plan up front. It's not like you're springing it on them at the last minute but like the previous poster said I don't think this is something that I would make a mountain out of a molehill on because honestly it's just going to cause more stress on your end. I would just have the other girls there and still enjoy your day and then she can just come later and she'll miss out on the other festivities which don't seem to be as important to her. My opinion is for your stress I would just let it go.

I don't think you are being unreasonable as you definitely have the right to want things a certain way on your wedding day. I do however think that it isn't anything worth stressing over. Maybe the time line has to change a little bit or maybe just request that she come as a guest instead of being with the bridal party so that she/her mom gets what she wants and you get what you want as far as having all your girls there at the same time.

View Quoted Comment Okay given what you said about the alcohol, I don't think it would be a good idea to have the photo you are proposing. While it would be a unique photo, I think you need to take into consideration your girls feelings. Two of them are obviously trying to get help for an addiction so I would definitely not be the one to give them alcohol.


As for the hair and makeup, I didn't tell my girls how to wear their hair or makeup. I did however ask them not to wear anything too dark. The groomswoman decided to get very dark purple almost black nail polish even though I had asked that she get something light. I also didn't like how she did her hair, but it was her hair and if she liked how it looked then so be it. Although you may like her hair up, I think I would let it go especially if she is going to her own stylist and paying for it herself. You have more important things to worry about than if her hair is up or down.

I gotta agree with a lot of previous posts. I dont think your being unreasonable but I think using her own stylist is probably in her best interest. If you can get them all there to get done, that's probably best as you don't want to pull a Cinderella wicked step sister situation. (Where she's all done up, but you decide she needs things done differently.) [Not that you have the personality of a wicked step sister, but you see my point!]
Honestly, the thing that annoys me here is the fact that her mother is basically trying to separate her from the group. It doesn't seem fair to the bridesmaid. Especially if she's able to drive and mostly independent.

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Oh it isn't real champagne! It's a non-alcoholic bottle! I tested it and it pops the same way a real bottle of champagne would. That's one of the main reasons I was so offended - I would never ever push alcohol on anyone!

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Your last point a thousand time over! Mom won't let her go to any wedding event that she is also not invited to. No shower. No Bachelorette. She doesn't want her at the rehearsal dinner. Really my issue is with mom not BM. BM is the sweetest and I really don't think she cares one way or the other.

View Quoted Comment Oh okay. I thought it was real champagne. In that case, I would tell her where and when to be there for the photo. While she might not have her hair and makeup done exactly what you want, I would focus on the positive side which is that one of your closest friends is there to celebrate your wedding with you.

Is it possible the BM has social anxiety or otherwise struggles with social situations. You mention she has a developmental disability; Is she able to comfortably manage what you are asking for?
My daughter, who is almost 15, has autism. She is very high functioning and could be in a wedding party (she was my MOH) but it takes a lot out of her to manage all that stimulation. She can also do a social group setting, but it takes a lot out of her. There is no way she could manage a social group setting followed by a wedding. She would be setting herself up for failure. Perhaps this is why your BM is excusing herself from part of the plan. It is not a request that is accessible for everyone. I have intervened to reduce demands on her so that she can succeed and don't feel I need to explain autism (or even tell people that she has autism- not everyone knows) when I do that.
Just another perspective.
Regardless, I would let this go.