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Savvy December 2019

Unnecessary and negative comments- Vent

Lindsay, on June 7, 2019 at 12:58 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
Hi everyone!

I just wanted to vent about a little thing, if this is not the right place to do so, I apologize. I received this text yesterday from a friend and it left me thinking "why would someone feel its neccessary to say this"?. While the text doesn't change how we feel about our wonderful officiant, I'm feeling a bit put down because she is a long time friend who is also getting married this year. I would think she have the courtesy to avoid saying things like this considering she understands the stress that goes onto planning your special day! What bothers me most is that she was vague when saying the officiant is unliked by coworkers but wouldn't actually tell me why. Is this really an unnecessary and rude thing to share with someone or am I annoyed over nothing?

Unnecessary and negative comments- Vent 1

15 Comments

Latest activity by Lindsay, on June 8, 2019 at 6:25 AM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    It is a little unnecessary of her but don't think too much of it or let it affect the way you'll view that person as an officiant.
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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    That seems weird and immature. I would ask her why she doesn't like her.

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  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I think I would only mention this to a really close friend of mine, like best friend which doesn’t seem to be the case. She could have said this differently or avoid it all together. I find it that sometimes people act differently in a work environment, perhaps you officiant seems to be in charge of a department or a role and that brings heat sometimes. I wouldn’t take it too serious.
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  • Nykole
    Expert October 2019
    Nykole ·
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    Yeah, this is super unnecessary and immature. Just ignore it and move forward with your officiant. If you and your fiancé clicked well with her and are happy to have her officiating your wedding, these other people’s opinions don’t even matter.
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  • April
    Dedicated January 2020
    April ·
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    It's a small world type of conversation. Seems like your officiant is known to your friend in passing and she doesn't have the best reputation in that area of her life. It could be on the officiant herself or maybe even the perception of her role. In her other role as officiant, assuming being an officiant is a passion, she's passionate and warm to those she connect with though that role, like you. it happens all the time that people are perceived differently with different groups. Personally, I know I'm that way too. I'm perceived differently around people from work vs close friends vs family vs dance class people I interact with.
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  • Mari
    Savvy May 2021
    Mari ·
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    I don’t like to look at things negatively and excuse my language... but this person was CLEARLY being an A-Hole . It was completely unnecessary for her to talk down about your officiant especially after you just finished saying that you loved her. Your “friend” Sounds like someone in high school who doesn’t like another girl because one of her friends don’t. After telling her how you knew her she shouldn’t have said “out of all people” , That was super catty. I could be reading the situation wrong and she could be trying to look out for you.. but she went about it ALL wrong.
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  • Mari
    Savvy May 2021
    Mari ·
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    Doesnt* lol
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    All of this. Let it go, this person seems quite immature (and makes me think SHE is the problem at work).
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  • H
    Dedicated September 2021
    Holly ·
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    It really was unnecessary to say those things. At the very least she could have just said "I don't have much contact with her" and moved on. As a personal rule, I become mistrusting of friends who say things about others character in a negative way when they aren't around. That's a major red flag from me! If you have no issues/suspicions regarding your officiant, then tune all that other out!

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    That's so immature! Seems like she was trying to cause drama. Glad you're too good to get involved with that!

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  • S
    Devoted September 2019
    Sara ·
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    I actually wouldn’t suggest asking her why she doesn’t like her. Because clearly she WANTS to dish and tell you and rag on your officiant. Don’t give her that satisfaction!
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  • Margaret
    Dedicated June 2020
    Margaret ·
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    I'd he annoyed to. She probably didn't mean to annoy you. I don't think it was malicious, just obnoxious.
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  • Margaret
    Dedicated June 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Agreed! Don't engage in the negativity.
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  • Robert
    Dedicated October 2021
    Robert ·
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    Wow, that's such a rude way to say it!!

    Obviously we don't know this friend as well as you do-- is she the sort of person to just say something tactless, or do you think she might have been trying to use a light-hearted (inappropriate) approach to bring up a genuine point of concern?

    I fully agree though that it's horrible for someone to criticise any decision that you're comfortable with, and if you're happy with your officiant there's really no reason to change based on someone else's biased opinion!

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  • L
    Savvy December 2019
    Lindsay ·
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    Thanks everyone, I'm relieved to hear others think this was unnecessary and immature! I glad I thought to take the high road and just stop responding to this person.
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