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Beginner October 2013

Unique situation-engagement party/shower/"reception"

Future Mrs. B, on February 10, 2013 at 5:46 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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My fiance and I are getting married in the city we live in, however I have most of my family and family friends who live across the country. We have decided to have a "reception" in my hometown to include these people who won't be invited to the wedding/won't be able to make the trip. We are throwing this party BEFORE the wedding since doing a 2nd reception after wasn't going to work. We're balling up our engagement party, bridal shower and 2nd reception into one party! We're having difficulty wording our invitations & need help!

1- how to word on our invites to make it clear this isn't the actual wedding, merely a celebration of our up coming marriage & also so they don't get the impression they will be getting a formal invite later (some will be getting invited, most won't-it's going to be a small wedding)

2- how to word on the RSVP cards that we prefer monetary gifts since traveling back home across the country with a bunch of boxes would be difficult/costly.

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Lady Firefly, on February 10, 2013 at 8:07 PM

Celia Milton · on February 10, 2013 at 5:54 PM
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In no situation is it good manners to mention gifts, money or otherwise, on the RSVP's. To anything.

You don't have a reception without a wedding. Don't assume that your out of town guests won't come to the wedding, no matter where it is.

Sounds, so far, like a plan for gifts rather than a celebration of a marriage.

Just me.
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Celia Milton · on February 10, 2013 at 6:15 PM
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I love you Amy. And that fuzzy animal too.
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VIP August 2013
Katie · on February 10, 2013 at 7:48 PM
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Yeah I agree with Lynzey that it sounds like an engagement party, but in that case you arent supposed to invite people to an engagement party or a shower unless they are also invited to the wedding.
Im not sure that you can really pull this off without hurting or insulting someone. And if you do say engagement party then I wouldnt expect gifts and you def cant ask for monetary ones... esp since they arent even invited to the wedding.
If I were you I would just have a regular party if you wanna see everyone and celebrate... call it a BBQ maybe? Idk..
Or why dont you just invite who you want to invite to the wedding and leave it up to them if they wanna travel across the country...?
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Master October 2011
Mrs. S™ · on February 10, 2013 at 7:49 PM
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The main problem is that the events you're talking about have very different purposes, are done at different stages of the engagement, and are hosted by different people. For example, it's OK and pretty common for the couple to host the wedding reception, but the couple cannot host the shower. Or one of the main purposes of the shower is to give gifts (or "shower" the couple with gifts), but that's not the purpose of the wedding reception.

In other words, there's no way of combining all those events into one simply because they gave different goals. Throw an informal party and ask people to join you in celebrating your upcoming wedding. Register on Amazon so that even if you get physical gifts, they will be shipped to your home.
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Master October 2014
Lady Firefly · on February 10, 2013 at 8:07 PM
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I agree with other ladies, sounds like an engagement party. I would also feel weird inviting people I won't be inviting to actual wedding. I understand keeping it small but if you know they will not be able to attend anyways why not invite them, you would loose nothing but just may receive a card or gift mailed to you.
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