Uninvolved Matron of Honor

I can see why you’re upset because you’d want her there but I would let this one go. I can understand why she wouldn’t be able to go either. Both of my MOHs couldn’t go so my bridesmaids had to plan it and I was disappointed but at the end of the day it is what it is

Pre-wedding events aren't required. She has every right to not want to leave her child overnight to attend your destination bachelorette party.

You’re allowed to feel whatever emotions you’re feeling but she’s also allowed to make choices that are best for her.

None of the pre wedding festivities are a requirement so although you have every right to be upset, she also has every right to decline to come, especially because of her child.

I can see both sides. I have friends that have a very hard time leaving their kids overnight and don't have help in the area (like parents or siblings). I also think I'd do everything I could to make a friend's bachelorette party even if I had to leave my child at home with my husband (or my parent's or a trusted babysitter). However, I'm not a mom yet so I can't promise that! I would talk to your MOH and see if there is any way she can make it during the day portion or work with your bridal party so she can at least be there for some of it.

I think regardless if pre-wedding events are not required is still very frustrating that your sister cannot attend. I will say that her child does take precedence over your bachelorette. Is it that it's just hard for her to be away from her child or is it that she wouldn't have the child's father to take care of a child for the night? Although I will be honest there's no way you can ask her to be away from her child for bachelor party and come out looking like the good guy. Even though you choose Maids of honor and bridesmaid sometimes they are not as involved as you would hope. Like others have said I would just let this one go by maybe your sister will step it up and help out elsewhere like for their bridal shower or maybe even just to take you out for a special spa day.

You’re allowed to feel disappointed, but I’d just feel your feelings and then let it go. Just as you’re allowed the disappointed feelings, she’s allowed to not come to the party for any reason. Just be happy she’ll be by your side on the big day, and try to let everything else go. That’s the part that really matters at the end of it all. ❤️

I think everyone takes these roles so seriously. You already have a maid of honor doing most of the work...peoples lives don’t stop because you’re engaged.

I am in a similar situation. My Matron is my sister and my maid of honor is my college roommate. One of my older bridesmaids/FSIL is actually planning the bach party. My sister cannot attend because of distance. While it is somewhat disappointing, she's doing the best she can. Cut her some slack. You'll still have fun!

I've learned to just let these things go.

My matron of honor has stepped up and done all of the pre-wedding event planning because my MOH is battling health issues. Does it upset me that my MOH couldn't attend my bridal shower, won't be there for the bachelorette, and more than likely won't be in the wedding? Of course. But she's doing it because it's what's best for her.

Like PP said, I would allow yourself to feel these emotions, deal with them, and move on!

You can be disappointed, but don't say anything to her. These parties are optional. Until recently few people had a bachelorette and a shower. Usually one of : shower, bridal tea or luncheon, or last night out party ( Bach.) Since TV shows on it, more people do both. But bridal party is not required to do, prepare for, or finance any party at all, or attend. . If your other MOH needs help with the shower, any female relative or good friend, on your guest list, may volunteer, or say yes if MOH asks ( not you) to helping hostess the party. Showers have always been done by any relative or good friend, not necessarily WP. Since you pick best friends and closest family to be BM and MOH, they often volunteer, so it seems like BP do it often. But any other friend or family MOH wants, she should ask. It is not the single parent mom's responsibility if she does not want to volunteer. And children come before parties that last more than a couple hours away from home. Nothing for you to say except, I will miss having you there.

She'd be stressed out and tired from the drive, worried about her kid, etc. She won't have a good time, and it would be kind of you to excuse her from the party.