Uninvolved In Laws

Your in laws don't have to actually help with anything, mine haven't.
A rehearsal dinner isn't a thank you, it's feeding the people involved with the rehearsal which his parents should be at.

They aren't obligated to help you plan or pay for anything. This is not your call. This is your FH's family and he gets to decide what he wants to do. Your reasoning is pretty silly. That is his family, of course they should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal is a thank you for rehearsing and should include anyone involved in the ceremony and their significant others/dates.

Honestly it isn’t their responsibility to plan your wedding and they aren’t obligated to contribute financially. My future in laws haven’t really helped other than when I’ve asked them to speak to their side of the family about certain things. But that’s really it. Is there a reason they didn’t attend the shower?

regardless, I would not exclude them from the rehearsal dinner. That could cause a lot of drama and lead to starting your marriage off with a lot of negative feelings and bad relationships. Your FH would probably be very hurt by this as well

Don't exclude them. At the end of the day, that's his family (help or no help) and they need to be respected.

This might come off as harsh, but they dont owe you any help for your wedding. Financially, emotionally, etc. A rehearsal is usually for the people involved some way in the wedding, including the people walking in the ceremony. So they definitely should be included.

Wow. Have you mentioned that you want to univite them from the RD to your FH? How did he take that? Frankly your reasoning seems a little immature. It is no ones responsibility to help you plan or finance your wedding except your FH and the RD is a thank you to your immediate family and the people involved in the ceremony, ie, your FHs parents.

I'd talk to your fiance about this. Does he feel the same way you do? Does he want them at the rehearsal dinner?

Sorry to hear you having a difficulty with this situation while going through a stressful moment in your life. I understand the resentment may be experiencing, no matter if its reasonable or not.

However, keep in mind that no one but your husband are required to help. My FH and I both decided to finance our wedding, to plan our own and do our research and DIYs. Keep in mind why you are doing this in the first place. Do what you can and if you are overwhelmed, talk to your FH and discuss what can lessen the stress. If there is anything specific you want your in laws to do do, have your future husband ask them. Remember they will also be your family so you must love all the good as well as the bad. Good luck and I hope your rehearsal dinner will be a fresh start to more family get together.

This stinks. I’m in a similar place. The reality no one has to help monetary or non monetary. Invite them to the rehearsal they should show up because It’s free food.

Unfortunately, they are not required to help, whether that is financially or by emotional support. No one is going to be more excited for your wedding than you and your soon to be. Don't let their lack of interest or help bother you. Attendance at the bridal shower is not a requirement either though.

Unfortunately, the PP are correct. A rehearsal dinner for entire wedding party (including parents) is required if you are doing a rehearsal. If they are family, but not in the wedding, that is more of a gray area. You should definitely include the parents though.

I dont think anyone really needs to help you. It's your wedding and yall are grown. My fiance and I wanted a big wedding but having children we knew we couldnt afford it. We would never turn to ask for others to pay for our wedding.

You should definitely talk to your FH to tell him how you feel though. That's important. He needs to know that, but if his family is involved in your wedding them they should be there for the rehearsal.

If some special honor or seating is actually being rehearsed, or parents are doing a reading etc., they need to be invited. ( And if parents hosting rehearsal dinner, obviously.). But otherwise there is no reason they need be at a rehearsal dinner, at all. Some people want families, WP and their SO, but it has never been required etiquette. Required invitations are for those who need to be in the rehearsal : WP, any clergy or friend acting as officient ( not paid ones, JP) friend or family singing or playing music, not counting paid vendors. And a set of parents hosting MAY but need not, invite the other parents, or all grandparents. So you are in no way rude if you and FI agree that they are honored guests at your actual wedding, but no more. Many grooms families feel traditional showers are for the bride's nearest and dearest women friends only, fairly traditional, and if they do not feel that way ( like if you infrequently meet) then they do not attend showers, and simply give any gift they plan for the wedding. They have not done anything wrong in not helping, or nit attending your shower. But you do not owe them a special thank you for attending a rehearsal they are not part of, so they only come if FI really wants them.

How does your FH feel about this? I would definitely say to leave it up to him. If he really wants them at the rehearsal dinner, you don’t want to start out your marriage by not allowing him to have his family there.

But if he agrees with you, I think it’s fine to not invite them to that. I don’t blame you for not wanting to at all, I wouldn’t either, but I would worry that if your FH doesn’t feel the same way, it may be a battle that isn’t worth picking with him.

We aren't close with my husband's mom and her style is very different from ours so we were glad she wasn't involved in planning. His father lives in another country so him flying out, spending time with us and giving a nice wedding gift was very appreciated. We had them both at the rehearsal. We were excited to have his dad there, and having his mom there was okay especially since her younger daughters were junior bridesmaids.

I get what you're saying about you want it to be about honoring those that were involved but trust me it's easier to just be polite and invite them. You don't need to get them gifts if you don't want to. We just got his mom a picture frame, and honestly I'm glad we didn't do more than that because she didn't even give us a card for our wedding. We knew she couldn't afford a gift, but I think it's pretty messed up she couldn't at least write a card with kind words and well wishes

My soon to be in-laws are not contributing or helping. We certainly have no expectations for them to do so. We have been very fortunate that my side of the family is helping with wedding expenses and FH and I are currently figuring out a budget for rehersal dinner. Even though typically FH side does the dinner we do not want to ask them knowing the financial situation they are dealing with from Hurricane Harvey. FH and I lost our cars only luckily, but much of our families were not good after that storm.

I think parents and grandparents should be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

I was never saying that I would keep them from coming thats his family. With what has happened he acts as if he doesn't really care for them being there (or the wedding for that matter.) Also I was not implying that they had to pay for anything just giving examples ..simply saying that it would be appreciated if they at least showed interest in their son getting married. *side note: when I said planning I was not meaning they would plan anything simply asking questions about plans like most anyone does* the bridal shower was not women only he was there and none of them showed which really hurt and embarrassed him. I am aware its not required for them to attend showers but it would have been nice for him to have had them. They are in no way involved in the ceremony (my FH's choice).

Most important is something you must ask FI: Would he be happy if they did come to the rehearsal dinner, or would he rather not have his two sets of parents/stepparents, and grandparents at the dinner but see them at the wedding only. He decides. Only him.