Jenifer
Beginner July 2020

Uninvolved fiance

Jenifer, on January 16, 2020 at 8:42 PM Posted in Planning 0 12
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Does anyone have any tips on how to get my fh to show any interest in wedding planning? It seems like 99% of the stuff I ask him to do he hands off to his mom.

12 Comments

  • Mrs. Sarantos
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. Sarantos ·
    • Flag
    Pick out two options and say which one do you like better. And then if he doesn’t answer just book the thing you like. My husband did almost nothing for our wedding even though he wanted it and I wanted to go to the courthouse. He started expressing interest the week of the wedding.
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  • Future Mrs. K
    Expert April 2021
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    You should talk to him about why it’s important to be involved if thats what you wish. My FH is not really interested in the planning stuff, lol I don’t blame him and I kinda like all the design/florals and decisions so I usually just give him two or three options with the big decisions and we go from there!
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  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    His mom?!?!?!

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  • Jerri
    Dedicated April 2020
    Jerri ·
    • Flag
    Give him a job. Tell him it is his job to design the cake, pick out your invitations, writing up the song list, etc. Tell him when you want it done and be there as a guide, but let him do it.
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  • M
    Devoted October 2021
    Megan Online ·
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    As much as wedding planning can get tedious and isn't always fun... the person you're getting married to should be on board with doing some of the work. He's handing stuff off to his mom??


    That's bs. Did he want a wedding? Was he team courthouse or team elopement? If not, he really doesn't have the right to be acting like this.

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  • Dierdra
    Expert November 2020
    Dierdra ·
    • Flag

    I usually do the work give my fiance 2-3 options and he will help me make the final decisions. For us that works the best. Honestly most guys aren't as interested in the details. I know for us he will be very interested in the food related tasks haha and the honeymoon he is showing some interest in.

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  • Jeanie
    Rockstar February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    Most guys aren’t super interested in wedding planning. If you want him to be more involved, ask him to help with things he’s good at or would enjoy. If he’s a tech guy, ask for help with your website. If he’s someone who likes to work with their hands, ask him to do prep work for a project. And even though it’s not what you have in mind, if his mother is getting the job done and is doing it well, he gets some credit. Asking his option, especially when you already have it narrowed down, is probably the easiest way to get him involved. But honestly, if he wasn’t interested in projects before, you shouldn’t expect him to be interested now. Unless he’s outright avoiding the planning, it has no indication of his feelings about the wedding.
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  • Jenifer
    Beginner July 2020
    Jenifer ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    He was ream courthouse
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  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    KAREN ·
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    My husband didn't want a wedding at all (he basically wanted to elope) but I knew that it was really more for the family than us, and got him involved. I would give him options or tell him, "hey, can you please either do this or this thing?" or ask him how he felt about stuff. I told him that he can either help, or I'll plan the whole thing myself and that he'll get no right to complain after the fact. That perked him up, lol.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride Online ·
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    I know, right?! 😠
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride Online ·
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    My hubby first said “it’s the bride’s day, do whatever you want.” But when I explained I was lonely planning by myself we brainstormed ideas then split a “divide & conquer” list.


    Maybe ask him to help with music & food, which many men are more interested in than decor. Passing off his work to his mom should probably addressed... it’s your and his wedding, not your wedding with his mom.
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  • Rebecca
    VIP August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    I made it clear to DH that if he didn't help or get involved, there wouldn't be a wedding. It takes two, after all.

    That doesn't meant that we didn't clash, that sometimes I felt like I was nagging, and sometimes I wanted to drop the book on his head (for when he said, "But I don't *know* what to do!").

    This wedding is about both of you, so he needs to do something. Make it clear that if he doesn't do it, it won't get done, and he's responsible. Sit him down, talk about how much stress this is, and how it will undermine your relationship if he doesn't actually help. It doesn't matter if it's just a playlist, or a few menu choices - anything helps. And he is not just along for the ride!

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