Uninviting My Dad

Yikes, he really does sound unstable. I'm sorry you're going through this stress and that he has hurt you with baseless accusations. It's not fair for him to tell you how to feel about your mom; regardless of your relationship with her, a girl still always wants her mom, and a wedding definitely will bring those feelings up. I personally wouldn't want someone like that at my wedding, but then you have to think if you will ever regret not having him there since he is your only living parent, and this could very likely destroy any semblance of a relationship you have left. On the other hand, considering he is so unpredictable it is a possibility that he could have a meltdown at your wedding, or even appear at the wedding even if you uninvite him since he already has the plane ticket. I wish I had better advice for you other than to seriously consider each situation and their repercussions before you act. How does your FH feel about it? I would get his opinion on this for sure.

If it was me I would wait until just before the wedding and see how I felt then and if I still didn't want him there tell him that you guys decided not to get married right now.

I'm sorry that this is happening. But give it time to cool over. I know his behavior is not an excuse, but with his bipolarism he may lash out uncontrollably. Give him time for both you and him to calm down and approach the situation at a later date since you still have time.

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding! Seems the common theme is give it more time and be REALLY sure I can live with the ramifications if I decide not to have him there. Sound advice! Thank you ladies

Sarah you're definitely in a tough situation. My mother is very similar to your father and my brother has graciously offered to keep an eye on her on my wedding day so she doesn't cause a scene. Just something to consider to get the best of both worlds.

I'm sorry that happen to you. Maybe try talking to him and understand him better even if he's bipolar maybe he's off his meds? But try and work it out he is your dad you lost your chance dress shopping with your mom but you still have a chance to have your dad at your wedding and not live in regret. Sorry wish I can better help but family fight is the hardest best of luck.

My father has bipolar and is claustrophobic so I understand where you are coming from . I couldn't imagine my father not being a part of my day . I have a good relationship with him regardless of his mood swings. He has pulled himself together to walk my sisters down the aisle and has endured being uncomfortable for the sake of them . He knows his limits and will excuse himself when he needs to . I don't know what your relationship is with your father , but I wouldn't jump to dismissing him from your big day. Is there a place you can designate if he needs a cool down period ? Talk to him. He may want to be there and support you even if it's only for the ceremony and a few minutes of the reception. I don't expect my father to be there the whole time , but I know he will be there for me. Best wishes .

I am so sorry you are going through this. Response of sympathy here...my sister behaves similarly, especially when they are big life events on my end. Other family members of mine have offered to step up and buffer for me, and it's been a huge relief. Find the people close to you that you can lean on, and trust your gut. Best of luck to you.

Daughter of a bipolar mother here!

Your dad sounds an awful lot like my mom, I'm sorry. The previous comments are right, you do have a lot of time to see if things get better.

My mom has been a nightmare throughout the whole process (also my whole life but that's not the point). Unfortunately, I knew that uninviting her to my wedding would not only make her lose her shit, but that she would lash out at home and stress out my brothers and dad which I did not want. This may not be an option you're interested in at all, but we have decided to elope and then throw a party. We figured that this would allow us to do our ceremony the way we want without stressing about her - she is very unpredictable and unstable/manic.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it really is such a huge added stress that you don't need!

I want to reply from the perspective of a person who is herself bipolar.

But what I want to say is basically the same...please, give him a little more time. If he's truly having an episode, he literally does not have control over what he's doing or saying. Mania (which it sounds like this is) means literally being completely out of control. When I'm manic, I make terrible decisions and say things that I deeply, deeply regret later. It always helps me when people show me a little grace. Trust me, it's mortifying to think about the things I've done or said while manic...honestly, while the depression hurts and makes me miserable, at least I don't hurt other people while I'm depressed. It's horrible.

Sometimes, the illness speaks for the person. It's awful, but it's a reality. You, and all of the PPs who have mentioned loving someone with bipolar, are saints.

Edited for grammar.

I'm so sorry hunny. This is your decision to make. Sending hugs.

Ugh, I hate these threads. Can a person with bipolar disorder be a jerk? Absolutely! But so can 100% of the population, ill or not. For people to suggest that you have a cool down room or that your father being a jerk is a manic episode is insulting, annoying, and plain old inaccurate. That is not how you diagnose mania nor is it helpful to the stigma of mental illness to pass it off as so.

Technically unless you've sent an STD, you haven't invited anyone to your wedding.

If you don't want him there and you don't feel that you will regret it, don't invite him. Family isn't blood, it's the people you choose to allow into your life.