Uninviting guests i had a falling out with after i invited them

"I have searched other forums and they all say pretty much the same thing- uninviting is rude, trashy and it should not be done."

This doesn't really apply to falling outs if you have 0 interest in trying to keep the friendship. It applies to Aunt Nelly didn't come to my bridal shower so I don't think she should be welcome at the wedding. Sarah's spouse doesn't talk to me so why would I want him there. Small petty things that don't really warrant it.

You need to inform them they are not invited. The longer you wait and closer you get to the wedding makes you look worse in the long run. Doesn't matter how local they are to the wedding. That day is currently booked on their calendar and they are invited until you or your fiancé (no one else) uninvites them. Yes there is the chance they won't show up, but there is always a chance that they will if you don't rescind the invite

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Hi Janet! I have a similar situation. I sent out Save the Dates but not yet invitations. Since we've had a major falling out, do I just not send the invitation? Or still personally inform them that they're no longer invited? I'd rather not have to speak to them but also don't want to leave anything up to chance.

I think the circumstances where formally uninviting is socially acceptable are if they will actively cause issues/drama/safety concerns on the day.

If I were you, I would email or text and just say something like, "I've been assuming since our falling out that you won't be attending our wedding, but as I'm making the final arrangements I need to make sure our guest count is accurate. Were you still planning on attending or can we count you out?"

Its a bit rude, but it's pretty clear that they aren't very welcome, and does leave the final say up to them.

Depending on what happened I also could see just assuming they won't want to come.

Also, If you have a wedding planner you could have them ask if they still plan to attend with a simple email, and if they say yes you could reach out from there, and if it is a no then you're good to go.

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I has this happen! A girl who was my bridesmaid did some awful things to me and others in our friend group. She had already gotten the Save the date and had attended the bridal shower (but formal invites hadnt gone out yet) I told her I didn't want her in the bridal party anymore and a month later she apparently asked one of my friends if she was still invited to the wedding. I just never sent her an invitation and we never spoke again.

The actual invitation would likely have been sent out a month ago, so if they've already RSVPed the rift must have just happened. I think a lot of this depends on the exact circumstances, how bad it was, and whether you will regret this if things were to resolve soon or in the future.

There are some situations in which I would not hesitate to contact her to say you assume she is no longer attending and that considering recent events that will be best for all concerned. There are others where I'd leave the decision up to her.

Yes uninviting is rude but some circumstances allow for it and they are rare. The acceptable times are when you have gone no contact because they are toxic (violent, abusive, homophobic, racist, a general danger to people around them) and when there is no longer a friendship. In those situations, when a save the date is sent, you are not obligated to follow up with an invitation. If they already rsvp’ed yes, then if they are not in the toxic category then leave it be because it’s out of your hands. They may decide to update you with a decline or just not attend.

Do you feel comfortable sharing what the couple did against you? I personally cannot judge whether it’s acceptable to withdraw an invitation without knowing more info.

I actually uninvited three guests. I don't think it's rude or trashy if the falling out was bad enough that you're ending the relationship, regardless of the context. Without context, just make sure that however you do it that you stay safe. Hire security for your wedding if you have to.

I know uninviting someone is rude, if the guests in question are gonna ruin the vibe or cause drama, I don't really care what others might say about uninviting them. I'd still email them to be polite but serious about it though. 😅