Uninviting Bridesmaid who is my sister...

Some people are always Debby downers. You said "you think she's joking". Next time she says something negative about being a bm ask, "are you sure your still OK with being a bm?" and see if you can't see what she says and maybe find a different role for her not in the wedding party.

I'd just ignore her rather than uninviting her probably.

Are you prepared to do great harm to your relationship with your sister? I guess I can see how your feelings could be hurt, but uninviting her (or even kicking her out of the BP) seems a bit dramatic.

You said that you thought she might be joking, and to me it sounds like it's all in humor. It's common for people to joke around about bridesmaids dress styles.

It's generally not a good idea to ask people to be in your bridal party until 9-12 months before the wedding. Asking 18+ months out opens you up to a lot of drama and the potential for relationships to change and put you in uncomfortable positions.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I think I will try and keep it open ended and just ask that. I would love for her to have a role, but a bm has a lot of responsibilities and I want her to feel comfortable too.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I’d do this. That way you’re truly giving her the option. I’d ask her if she’s sure followed with “because I understand if you have a lot going on” or something along those lines

Ask her next time, with love in your heart and total sincerity, if she really wants to be in the wedding. If yes, just say you weren't sure, as it feels like she is being hurtful. Just talk it out, don't fight about it. If she doesn't want to, thank her for being honest and move on. If she is just being an un-funny "comedienne" maybe she'll get the hint.

PS... Bridesmaids have no responsibilities but to be there as witnesses on your wedding day.

View Quoted Comment Bridesmaids have no responsibilities other than to get the dress, show up for a rehearsal if it does not require any real travel or interfere with work and family, and show up for the wedding at least an hour early, dressed and groomed. Anything else, they may volunteer to do, but not required. Not responsibilities. Any close friend not in wedding, any bridesmaid or MOH, any female family of bride, any of groom, can offer to give a shower. 1 or 2 BM may work with one family member, or a friend of bride not in the wedding. It is not something bridesmaids have to do together. Often none are part of the shower. My Maid of Honor and 2 BM were far away for my entire engagement. Did not help with any parties. 3 other close friends, in different locations, threw 3 small showers. My BP attended a shower only, given by my MOG, within about an hour of their houses. 4th shower, only women of G family, 2 of my NYC friends, and these BM and MOH. Do not think of choosing or keeping someone in the WP according to what they will do for you. You might want to talk to your sister, and say, I know you mean it as a joke when you talk about stereotypes like bridesmaids' dresses always being ugly or awful. But it hurts my feelings that you think I would be so inconsiderate of my friends and family that I would not try to see you are all in flattering and comfortable clothes. ( Don't say this if you want them to dress like Marie Antoinette but in eggplant...). Say, you are older, and likely have been in or to other weddings, bit it hurts my confidence when you joke , everything will be a trial and a misery for family or BM. Sisters have personality quirks that can annoy each other. At least, 4 of mine do. My 4 brothers, too. But I would talk with them, not exclude them or fight . Hope you can work this out.

I definitely wouldn’t uninvite her because that would ruin your relationship. I have family members that aren’t super supportive also so I just ignore them but I won’t uninvite them because they are family and they may just be projecting other issues on to me. I would just have a real conversation with her and tell her how you’re feeling and ask her what her problem is. A lot of the time issues stem from a miscommunication so she may have something going on that is putting her in such a mood that you just don’t know about and she is just projecting her feelings on to you.
I hope you guys can work this out

Hi guys!

Thanks for the advice. I spoke to her this morning and she is no longer a part of the bridal party per HER choice. She stated she did not know how to tell me, because she felt obligated. She also felt herself being negative because she really doesnt want to wear the dress or stand up in the heat while the ceremony occurred due to health issues. She also felt uncomfortable being much older and not able to participate in bridal events such as bachelorette party and potential bridal shower due to ongoing health problems. She is going to be involved in mostly everything else like family photos, helping the day of, and allowing her daughter to be a flower girl and helping with that. Thanks for the help again!!

View Quoted Comment I am so glad that you and her were able to work this out! It sounds like this was the best decision overall and it will lead to a happy and beautiful wedding day for you! Congrats and happy planning!!!

Your wedding is so far away that any sort of bridesmaid business just shouldn't be happening. Let it all go with every single one of them until about 6 months prior. At that time talk with everyone again. Relationships change, people change. Your sister might feel very different closer to the event.

View Quoted Comment

You really need to let go of the idea that "a bm has a lot of responsibilities." A BM has the responsibility to show up for the wedding, and stand beside you in the dress you chose. That's it. If you try to impose other responsibilities on your BMs, you're just going to cause drama.

I could be totally off base here but it sounds like she might not want to be a bridesmaid but didn’t want to tell you no, so instead she’s acting all crabby and passive aggressive. Maybe if she came as just a guest she’d be relieved and would quit with the comments.

Oh I just saw your update! Never mind my comment then lol

View Quoted Comment I’m going to be a bridesmaid for my cousin who is 500 miles away. I have no responsibilities other than showing up in the dress she picked out for me.

View Quoted Comment It is good that you opened the door to talk about things. She will remember how kind and understanding you were. Where if you had just excluded her ( even though she did not want to do it) it would have left a bitter taste. Not the sense that she is your sister and friend, before all considerations having to do with your wedding. Which is a far more important thing. The wedding will go on with her as a witness, and you are now aware of her need for support. I hope she does well with her health issues. And that you have a great wedding.