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Expert June 2018

Uninvited?

Melissa, on March 5, 2018 at 1:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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Ok I'm going to begin this with stating that I know you don't uninvite a guest. And that even a verbal invitation applies. But I've got two very odd situations that in unsure how to address.

1. Dueling Sisters
Our best man and my FH have been friends since childhood and his wife and her family are all close because they all grew up together. His wife's sister had been living with them since I met them a little more than a year ago.

The girls have had falling outs over the years I'm told but about 2 weeks ago the sister who was already taking advantage of them and very disrespectful at times began stealing from them. Cash and jewellery. So they kicked her out and cut her off. Of course I found out the day after mailing invitations which were sent to our friends and a separate one to her sister. Today they gave me the sister's invitation back because they said she wouldn't go anyway with them fighting (which I totally believe) but now she's texting me her new address and chatting like nothing is wrong. I was also informed today that our friends told her she wasn't invited anymore and that we don't like her and only hung out because she was there. I refuse to get involved and don't have any personal problems with the sister.

I'm thinking of texting her and telling her that I can't have her there of their issues aren't resolved. Because I really don't want that drama at my wedding. And they are loud people. If they aren't friendly there will be a blow up. Guaranteed.

2. Big Break Up
Again, the day after mailing invitations, we find out two of his long time friends (in a very long term relationship) recently broke up. So, I addressed the invite to Mr. Guy & Ms Lady and family (because they have a kid together). And it went to the address she still lives at. From the stories I've heard she's kind of a "woman of ill repute" and likes flirting with the guys pretty hard. Even the married ones. I made FH reach out to his friend to let him know we still want him there but that the invitation went to his previous address. Guys all sad so he just talked about the break up and it would have been very rude to try to resolve our issue because I'm sure it's currently the least of his worries.

Do I just wait and see if she sends the RSVP back? Try to have him contact her? We definitely don't want her there now.

Thank you for any advice here. I'm not stressing too hard but want to resolve what is going to happen.

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Victorian Bride, on March 5, 2018 at 8:01 PM

Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on March 5, 2018 at 1:50 AM
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Oh Melissa!! It's late and I need to digest this read. Wow! Just what you wanted. *sigh* I plan on coming back here tomorrow with my thoughts. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can say it will all work out.
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Devoted October 2018
Stephanie · on March 5, 2018 at 1:54 AM
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I am in a situation where I may have to univite my stepfather so I'm curious how to handle it too. So sorry this is happening.
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Dedicated November 2018
mimi · on March 5, 2018 at 2:05 AM
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Dueling sisters- you never actually invited the sister, and it sounds like you aren't personally friends, just acquaintances. So you don't need to do anything. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Big break up- just wait. Really, what are you going to do? It's obvious from the way you're writing about her here that you never liked her-that feeling's probably mutual. Why would she want to go to your wedding? Even if she did rsvp yes, I'd assume she was doing it just to mess with you. No worries.
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Master May 2017
JerseyGirl · on March 5, 2018 at 6:28 AM
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Dueling sisters- she did actually send an invite to the sister. The sister moved out before it was received and the other sister told her she wasn’t invited.

Are you interested in maintaining a relationship with the sister? That’s going to be the main determination on if she is still invited (yes etiquette says once invited you can’t recind but I think this is an exceptional situation).

Breakup- just wait. She may not even want to attend her ex’s friend’s wedding. Most people wouldn’t want to.
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Dedicated August 2018
Chandell · on March 5, 2018 at 8:32 AM
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I uninvited a couple people anyone that will interfere with my day is out
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Super September 2019
An · on March 5, 2018 at 9:25 AM
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Dueling sisters - she never received the invitation so I think you are OK to just not say anything. If you hadn't spoken to her about the wedding you can just say you are keeping it small (act as if she was never invited).
Breakup - Agree that she was only invited because he was and that means she doesn't get an invite if they break up. He was your connection to her and now that that's gone, so is your need to invite her.
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Super August 2018
AugustBride · on March 5, 2018 at 9:49 AM
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The sister situation. Well technically the sister didn't get the invite so she's not really invited. This is something I think you and your FH should talk about and both come to a conclusion, while taking into consideration how the friends feel
The break up. I suggest to wait this out. Sometimes couples get back and what not
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Expert June 2018
Melissa · on March 5, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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Thank you for all the advice. I'm going to text the sister this morning because I see her at the gym almost daily. While I really don't think she would bring it up, I don't want the awkward elephant in the room. We were only acquainted because of her living situation but did see each other at least 4-5 days a week depending on our schedules.

As for the break up. I think we will wait it out. The GF had known my FH for something like 13 years (the length of the relationship before this break up). And she knows (and may consider herself friends) with a good portion of his side of the guest list. I haven't actually met her yet but have heard lots of stories, unfortunately. But I'm pretty sure they won't get back together. BF told FH that she already has a new BF and it sounded like the guy moved in. He's heartbroken.
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Dedicated November 2018
mimi · on March 5, 2018 at 12:36 PM
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If I send you a check for $10,000, and you never receive the check, I did not "give" you $10,000. Sending an invite doesn't equal "invited"- the invitee has to actually receive it first.
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VIP May 2018
PBiazinha · on March 5, 2018 at 12:56 PM
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Deep breaths, I, like you would address the situation with the first scenario because seems like she has been texting you and requesting her invitation (which you sent but never got to her thanks to the fact she was kicked out) - tell her you are doing only immediate family and very limited number of friends "we would love to be able to have everyone but unfortunately our guest list has a limited number of people we can accommodate, we'll hang some time soon to catch up" - you know, something along those lines. If you see her all the time you cannot ignore her, but also don't bring up any family drama, and if she brings up it is totally ok to tell her you don't want any part of it.
second scenario you just have to let it be, chances are she will decline anyways, she has no business going to your wedding without her ex, but all in all, you don't want to get involved just in case they decide to give it another try and then you're in some awkward position for taking sides too soon.
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Expert June 2018
Melissa · on March 5, 2018 at 1:55 PM
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Except that verbally we have talked about her going. Talked about the wedding. And before I knew why she moved out, I text her for her new address which she never responded to. So I sent it to her sister's house.
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Master April 2023
Victorian Bride · on March 5, 2018 at 8:01 PM
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I wish you all the best!!!
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