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Beginner September 2019

Uninvited guests

Emily, on June 1, 2019 at 9:00 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Can someone please tell me why the hell people think it’s ok to invite themselves to my wedding!? Distant family members (whom I’ve met once and was not invited to their wedding), my fiancé’s moms friends, even the hair and makeup artists who did a test run on me last night asked if they could stay for the reception!!! Then there are the randoms who assume they’re getting a plus 1 - like my best friends little sister who said to my face she’s not coming unless she can bring her sketchy boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fairly confrontational person and I usually have no problem saying no. But when you’re on the spot and you’re all excited taking about your wedding, it’s so hard to completely switch gears and let someone down. I was right in the middle of telling the hair and makeup artists the story about my fiancé’s mom inviting extra guests and how every personal is basically a $100 bill when they asked me if they could stay for the reception.. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t even want to go to my dads family reunion because I wasn’t planning on inviting his side of the family but I know they’re all going to assume/ask if they’re invited. How do you all handle this?? I’m getting so much anxiety just talking about it.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Pattie, on June 4, 2019 at 9:19 PM

Master October 2017
karen · on June 1, 2019 at 9:04 AM
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Ugh, so sorry. Please do not let this spoil your day. Some people are awful. Has FH told his mom invites are up to you guys
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VIP June 2019
OnCloudRawls · on June 1, 2019 at 9:06 AM
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I would give my parents a strict number of people they can invite. As for vendors, the HMUA should not put you on the spot like that. Unless this person was a friend, she should not get an invitation. The HMUA provides a service and gets paid for the service, that’s it.
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Beginner September 2019
Emily · on June 1, 2019 at 9:14 AM
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Yes he told her. But she has called me up twice already to break the news that she “accidentally” invited 10 people so far. And she offered to pay for their dinner. I know she can’t afford their dinners, let alone the open bar tab per person per hour. So I begrudgingly said no, it’s fine, please just stop inviting people. 75% of the guests are on my fiancé’s side as it is, and I sent her the guest list months ago so she knows this. And I’ve told her (and my family as to not let this happen on my side) that everyone that’s inviting is gona be a $100 bill. I just don’t understand how people can be so rude..
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Beginner September 2019
Emily · on June 1, 2019 at 9:16 AM
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Thank you! I thought I was going crazy.. like in what world do vendors invite themselves to your reception?? And no, we’re not close friends.
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Master October 2017
karen · on June 1, 2019 at 9:24 AM
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Uggh, whenever a parent offers to pay the cost, add it all up, dinner, bar, linens, centerpieces, and tell them you need a check before the invite goes out. Most people are sane enough if they do not get an invite, they will not relay on a verbal invite. Do NOT let invites out of your control.
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VIP June 2019
OnCloudRawls · on June 1, 2019 at 9:35 AM
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No, you’re not going crazy! Other people are 😂 😄
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on June 1, 2019 at 10:13 AM
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It's up to you to state and enforce your boundaries on this. It would be nice if people were on the same page about etiquette but they are not. They may also be used to behaving this way with weddings because the couple didn't care or couldn't say no for whatever reason. Set your boundaries and indicate in whatever way you want that the wedding. It's your day, don't start the marriage with regrets over it
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Devoted May 2020
Lizbeth · on June 1, 2019 at 10:58 AM
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Oh this is my problem too! I am dreading some mouths run and people start to come like they are invited 🙄 I hate this so much. Mostly family are the one running their mouths like idiots ugh...
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Beginner September 2019
Emily · on June 1, 2019 at 11:13 AM
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I feel ya, it’s mostly family who are completely ignorant to wedding etiquette. My grandmother just called and said he sister was inviting all of her kids and their kids which adds up to like 20+ people. I was like “absolutely not, call her back.” And she said “it’s ok, most probably won’t show up and I’ll pay for anyone who does.” Like no! It doesn't work that way! Is this how people did it back in her day and maybe that’s why she thinks this is ok!?
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on June 1, 2019 at 2:06 PM
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"I'm sorry, but we're already at the maximum for our venue."
When it's other people losing their minds and inviting people, it's up to the inviters to call invitees back and uninvite them. You can point out that it's going to sound a lost worse if it has to come from you: "I'm sorry, but my mother went insane and invited people we can't accommodate..."
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Expert June 2020
Pattie · on June 4, 2019 at 9:19 PM
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I agree with this. Its okay to be excited and be sharing with others, but inviting people to an event that is not yours is not okay. This however is different if the person inviting more people is paying for the entire event. Then they can invite who they want because they are footing the bill.
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