Uninvited guest?

Plus ones for single guests are not required and many people skip them, wanting to keep the guest list to those they know, nearest and dearest. However, a significant other is not a plus one or a date as they are a social unit that are invited together, regardless if you have met them or not. That applies to anyone who has been dating for a steady period of time too.

You are not obligated to make anyone a bridesmaid or groomsman, since they should be those closest to you.

Is this a postponed reception after a private ceremony? Because invites aren't sent out a year before before the event.

As for this situation, she's his significant other and should be included as a guest. It's not fair to ask people to celebrate your relationship when you discount theirs.

Strange that she's looking at the same dresses but you can't do anything about it unfortunately.

View Quoted Comment People can send out invites whenever they want, we sent them out a year early to give people time to plan since it is an overseas wedding.

View Quoted Comment Also, she wasn’t his SO when we sent out invites and submitted our guest count. Which is why I said it’s an awkward situation, because we will have to sign a new contract and change the price of adding a guest.

“I’m sorry, our bridal party has already been finalized.”

View Quoted Comment Yeah, pretty much what I said. Just so weird he wanted me to have her as one since I just met this person, and don’t have a relationship with her

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Usually venues/caterers are fine with additional guests (and don’t require a new contract), so long as you pay for the additions, it’s just going under the number you gave them that is an issue. A year out is a very long time to submit numbers though - if I got a wedding invitation a year out I would have no idea if I was able to attend or not, when is your RSVP date? I do agree that she should be invited, but there’s no way you’re under any obligation to make her a bridesmaid.

View Quoted Comment We sent out invites last October to give people time to plan for our overseas trip/budget for it. Our RSVP was May for our August wedding (deadline given by our venue) but that’s been extended and changed as our wedding has been postponed to October. And I wouldn’t have minded her being invited, either, I did however mind being told she was going and having her looking at bridesmaid dresses, really off putting especially if she is going to be a guest but that is still under debate as we may end up having to change the wedding entirely due to Covid if our October date doesn’t pan out.

What in the literal hell?! This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard to be honest with you. I would be straight up with him and I mean straight up. I would say she’s not coming to the wedding, and just let him know that because it’s overseas you had to pay ahead of time and everything is finalized. You can also be very blunt with him and say she’s definitely not going to be a bridesmaid. Sometimes when people act like this, you really can’t sugarcoat things with them. The only way they will get it is by being firm and putting your foot down. Who does he think he is?! And who does she think she is??!!

I understand why you let people know a year out, usually that’s done with a save the date because inevitably someone’s relationship status changes and you can update that when you send actual invites (typically about 12 weeks out for destination weddings). My FH’s best man started dating someone between when he asked him to be best man and invites going out, so she got added. I do think it’s crazy she’s looking at BM dresses and that they expect her to be in the wedding party, and I would be pissed if I was told someone was coming to my wedding that wasn’t explicitly invited, but family pulls all kinds of things. If you really can’t accommodate her, I’d just tell them that, but if final count has been extended and they started dating before final count was due she really should be invited.

I see your side and the point of view of some of the posters here. For me personally you finalized the guest list so since they started dating after the fact she should not be obligated to attend regardless if they are a unit. I started dating my now FH 6 weeks before my friend's wedding and I was not allowed to just bring him just because we started dating nor did I ask. I will say that he is your BIL to be and maybe to keep family ties cool let her come if you can. It is more money but if she can afford to go overseas then let her.

I agree with others that she cannot be a bridesmaid. I am surprised she even thought that was cool and what the heck are they thinking. I would speak to him after seeing if you can add her and tell him that you double checked with the venue and she can come (spitefully make him pay for her lol) but that she cannot be a bridesmaid. You would like to get to know her and are happy to have her as a guest but your bridal party has already been chosen and the ladies apart of it are your nearest and dearest. No disrespect to her but you do not know her well enough to add her to that role.

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True but if invitations were sent out when he was single I do not think that rule applies. I feel if they were together when invitations were sent out then she should be allowed to come. I think we all know as brides about budgeting per head and having finalized guest lists. I think only because that is her future brother in law to keep the peace let her come but he should have asked rather than told her.

View Quoted Comment I don’t mind her being at the wedding, only mind the hassle of resigning the contract (which is required with a change of guest count at my venue due to the change of payment) and wiring more money overseas etc on top of dealing with all the postponing I’m going thru. She’s a nice girl, I met her once last week when they drove thru and stopped to see us (his family is in another state) but just feel they’ve made her attending so awkward by 1. Telling us she’s going without asking and 2. Asking her to be a bridesmaid, with her right there, putting me on the spot and clearly, getting her hopes up which I don’t get since we just met, and they’re brand new. My future sister in law is in the wedding but I know her and well she’s going to be family and stick around, can’t say the same for his new girlfriend.

That’s rude. People who just got into relationships after invitations roll out don’t count and also it’s rude he didn’t ASK it

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Yeah I would go through the hassle of her coming but I feel you that is awkward they did that. Some people do not get weddings and how they work lol. Yeah I wold decline on the bridesmaid thing nicely. You can let them know you would like to get to know her more but you have your bridesmaids set and would rather keep it to close friends and family.

I think it’s a really rude thing to just invite your girlfriend like that and act as if she should be a bridesmaid when you met her once...
Now I would probably go ahead and add her to the wedding even if it’s a pain, just because she might be in his and your life for a bit longer and I wouldn’t want to start the relationship on the wrong foot.

I would include her and invite her to come to the wedding as a guest (this is the girlfriend of your FH's brother, after all), but a bridesmaid? Heck no!

View Quoted Comment Yeah I agree, it may also be like you're saying and maybe they don't even really realize it's this big a deal (benefit of the doubt, I guess.)
Some people think a wedding is like a simple house party or something where you can invite randoms - but I'd think the overseas thing would be a good hint!

I Would Just Straight Up Say No And Explain Why. I Dont Beat Around The Bush When It Comes To Situations Like This. His Girlfriend Definitely Shouldnt Be Expecting To Be A Bridesmaid Either, Thats Just Weird.