C
Just Said Yes October 2020

Uninvite a co-worker to your wedding.

Courtney, on August 2, 2019 at 9:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
Saved Save
Reply
Hi,
I'm getting married on October 31st 2020. I've been engaged since June of 2017 (we wanted to get married on that exact date that's why the long engagment) and stupidly back in 2017 in they hype of being engaged I told all my co-workers. One co-worker in particular is very excited and a few weeks after I announced my engagment he asked/self invited himself and his wife to my wedding. His words were "I'm coming to the wedding, right?"
I stupidly in engaged mode said umm I guess..

Over the past two years he's been asking and telling me how I should do my wedding and how to get money out of my guest. The most annoying thing is him telling me who I should invite from work so I can get the most money.

So what should I do? Still invite him and hope he doesn't try to invite the whole office or do I politely uninvite him with some excuse?

11 Comments

  • L
    Dedicated September 2019
    LJ ·
    • Flag
    I’ve had a LOT of self-inviters and I just say “gosh, I really wish I could include you, but our venue has a very strict limit and with our large families, we just can’t include all our friends.” They get the message and I don’t have to sound mean.
    • Reply
  • Sophia
    Beginner October 2020
    Sophia ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, he sounds less than desirable and it's not your responsibility to make anyone else happy; especially not a pushy coworker. Use your parents limiting your guest list as an excuse to axe him if you can but the fact that you even need to worry about him says enough. You never formally invited him, you don't have to invite him formally, and if he pushes, tell him you straight up can't include anyone else beyond your previously established list.
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    He sounds like an insufferable co-worker. That would really get on my nerves, too!

    Normally I would say you still have to invite him. However, I would let him know that your budget permits you to only invite so many people. If he keeps harassing you, I would talk to your boss. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted November 2019
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    If you would like him there just tell him that you've decided to keep it small and no-co-workers except for him because he seems to want to come and you need his help keeping it low key to avoid inviting anyone else OR just tell him, you had wanted a big wedding but decided that you needed to keep it super small for financial reasons so had to cut out a lot of people including co-,workers. When you mention finances, people feel awkward and will drop it. There's nothing wrong with playing the victim and expressing disappointment for needing to cut your guest list over money. He will know it's not a dig at him.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Devoted October 2020
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    My FH husband and I worked at the same place for many years, in fact it’s where we met. Many of our co-workers have invited themselves over the years (even tho we weren’t engaged or had a date set). We’ve casually said “of course you’ll be invited” or something similar. We finally set a date for 10/10/20 and are only inviting two people (and their plus ones). I don’t think people should expect an invitation and you shouldn’t fill guilty for not inviting someone. Invite who you want there!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP December 2019
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    If you told him yes and you two have been having conversations about the wedding the past two years and during all these conversations you never mentioned he wasn't invited you need to invite him. If not it's going to be real awkward at work and it wouldn't be his fault

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Oh god that's a hard one. Because on one hand... Coworkers you see so much of.. and on the other ... He sounds really friggin annoying ahah. Ugh I feel like I'd suck it up and invite him but at the same time I had a friend who did that and we kind of lost touch and I didn't invite her but I get that's a diff scenario. I do think some people may not truly expect an invite though

    • Reply
  • Cheryl
    Expert November 2020
    Cheryl ·
    • Flag
    There is plenty of time between now and your wedding to start distancing yourself. As Michelle says, the more you talk to him about your wedding, the more awkward it will be later if you dont invite him. So, don't bring up the wedding anymore and if he brings it up, change the subject discretely. When it comes time to send out the invitations, which will be around the end of August next year, tell him that your SO's parents insist on inviting x number of people and that put you at your venue's capacity. Blaming it on money may backfire on you and he sounds gossipy, so you dont need the whole office knowing about your financial situation. You also should be careful about saying you can't invite coworkers bc there may be some you want to invite. You may have to say that certain coworkers are invited because 1. You were invited to theirs, 2. You hang with them at non-work related activities outside of work, so they are personal friends, or 3. Because only coworkers that know your SO are invited and same goes for your SO's coworkers. Of course you'll have to find a scenario that works for your situation, but those are some examples. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    The next time he brings it up, or in a private conversation you initiate, you need to be more honest about his expectations . Say that he has been asking since long before you started actually planning the guest list. But now that you are a little more than a year out, and are looking at space and costs, you realise that few friends or coworkers will be invited . So while you appreciate his interest, he likely will not be invited . Don't string people along. It is mean . That may not have been your intention, which likely was avoiding conflict . But over time he is getting more invested in this, and likely hyping up your wedding to other coworkers, saying you have told him he is invited. Stop it, now. And say that you do not want to talk about specific plans for your wedding at work, in front of people not invited. Then stop.
    • Reply
  • Naikesha
    Expert September 2020
    Naikesha ·
    • Flag

    Well you invite who you want to your wedding. I'm not for the fluff but since he's a coworker who you will still have to deal with I would keep it as simple as we are having an intimate wedding and only inviting close friends and family so at this time I can't extend any further invitations.

    Wish you luck and enjoy your wedding! 2020 Brides!!!!!!

    • Reply
  • Sexypoodle
    VIP October 2020
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    No invitations have been sent yet. So technically you don’t have to “uninvite” him. Explain that after the 3 year engagement, you and FH decided on having a smaller wedding with family.
    • Reply

Comment on this discussion

×