Our wedding was originally planned for June 2020 but we had to push it to June 2021 due to covid. The wedding already passed and I was pretty down about my weight. I had gained ten pounds from when I first got the dress due to being inactive working from home during COVID, in masters program and working a full time job, grandma was in and out of hospice and passed a month before the wedding, dad couldn’t be released from nursing home due to COVID safety protocols, fiancé and I fought constantly about wedding guest list, both of our family’s input on wedding decisions even though we paid for everything and more stressors. There was a lot that was out of my control but I’m mad at myself because my weight should technically be within my control.
I tried really hard to lose weight and did for a little bit but gained it back when the wedding was pushed. I couldn’t manage everything. I was really disappointed because I’m 25 pounds heavier than when I started dating my husband, and then ten pounds heavier from when I purchased the wedding dress. I’m mad because I know what I wanted to look like and could have looked like if I had gotten down to my previous weight or just not gained ten additional pounds. COVID impacted the whole world and it seems trivial, but my plan was to get married first and then do my masters program the year after. I was also really sad that my grandma passed and dad couldn’t make it. If we were just able to do it in 2020 they would have been there.
I’ve accepted that I can’t go back in time to change anything and that I looked bigger than I wanted to because I weighed more. I’m just worried that I might hate the photos and don’t want to put them up anywhere. Or the video and don’t want to watch it. Our family and friends are sending and posting photos and videos and it’s just so unflattering it’s hard for me to look at them. I actually deleted some because I know I’ll fixate on my appearance and become more depressed.
And of course I know the real importance is marrying my husband, and celebrating with our family and friends. However, those are the memories I want to think of when I look at the photos and video. I don’t want that to be interrupted by negative thoughts about looking fat, this is a bad photo, bad angle, my stomach looks huge, I have a double chin, etc.
I’m pretty sure the photographer and videographer will do edits but I assume they’re not going to make me look thinner. I talked to them about it and my photographer did our engagement photos so he saw what I looked like a year and a half ago before the wedding. I’m hoping they got good angles and flattering poses.
I’m thinking of keeping my dress and doing another photo shoot in the future once I lose some of the weight I gained from stress eating. Has anyone else done this for a first year anniversary or like a 5/10 year vow renewal? I just want to have photos that bring up positive memories from our special day.
Also, we were angry for part of our wedding and fought. My mother in law complained about having to wait for her table and the kids table to get called for the buffet. The number order was weird and even though they were one of the closest tables to us they were labeled 8 and 11/13. The tables were numbered vertically instead of horizontally if that makes sense. I told her that’s just how it’s numbered and I wanted them to just wait because it would mess up the flow, but his mom and I don’t know who else from his family kept asking and complaining to the workers. The workers kept checking with me at the sweetheart table. I told the mc to just go ahead and call their tables but they called 9 because one of my fiancés family members said the kids table was 9 but it was actually 8. Everyone was confused, the guests and the workers were confused on why it was going out of order. More than one table got up because they thought they missed hearing their numbers, it messed up the flow of taking photos with each table, people were missing at the tables because they were getting food or were done and walking around, and we didn’t get a photo with the kids table since they finished early. I had to tell my fiancé to keep his mother in law away from me and that he needed to deal with her requests/demands. This wasn’t the first time she’s done something like this. She tried to move tables around at the bridal shower and complained about my family being served first at the rehearsal dinner. So there was a window of us sort of arguing at the wedding at the sweetheart table, trying to hide it from everyone, and just not enjoying ourselves. That’s another reason I want some more photos.
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