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Just Said Yes June 2021

Unhappy with wedding weight & unflattering photos

Cristina, on June 29, 2021 at 10:38 AM Posted in Fitness and Health 0 13
Our wedding was originally planned for June 2020 but we had to push it to June 2021 due to covid. The wedding already passed and I was pretty down about my weight. I had gained ten pounds from when I first got the dress due to being inactive working from home during COVID, in masters program and working a full time job, grandma was in and out of hospice and passed a month before the wedding, dad couldn’t be released from nursing home due to COVID safety protocols, fiancé and I fought constantly about wedding guest list, both of our family’s input on wedding decisions even though we paid for everything and more stressors. There was a lot that was out of my control but I’m mad at myself because my weight should technically be within my control.


I tried really hard to lose weight and did for a little bit but gained it back when the wedding was pushed. I couldn’t manage everything. I was really disappointed because I’m 25 pounds heavier than when I started dating my husband, and then ten pounds heavier from when I purchased the wedding dress. I’m mad because I know what I wanted to look like and could have looked like if I had gotten down to my previous weight or just not gained ten additional pounds. COVID impacted the whole world and it seems trivial, but my plan was to get married first and then do my masters program the year after. I was also really sad that my grandma passed and dad couldn’t make it. If we were just able to do it in 2020 they would have been there.
I’ve accepted that I can’t go back in time to change anything and that I looked bigger than I wanted to because I weighed more. I’m just worried that I might hate the photos and don’t want to put them up anywhere. Or the video and don’t want to watch it. Our family and friends are sending and posting photos and videos and it’s just so unflattering it’s hard for me to look at them. I actually deleted some because I know I’ll fixate on my appearance and become more depressed.
And of course I know the real importance is marrying my husband, and celebrating with our family and friends. However, those are the memories I want to think of when I look at the photos and video. I don’t want that to be interrupted by negative thoughts about looking fat, this is a bad photo, bad angle, my stomach looks huge, I have a double chin, etc.
I’m pretty sure the photographer and videographer will do edits but I assume they’re not going to make me look thinner. I talked to them about it and my photographer did our engagement photos so he saw what I looked like a year and a half ago before the wedding. I’m hoping they got good angles and flattering poses.
I’m thinking of keeping my dress and doing another photo shoot in the future once I lose some of the weight I gained from stress eating. Has anyone else done this for a first year anniversary or like a 5/10 year vow renewal? I just want to have photos that bring up positive memories from our special day.
Also, we were angry for part of our wedding and fought. My mother in law complained about having to wait for her table and the kids table to get called for the buffet. The number order was weird and even though they were one of the closest tables to us they were labeled 8 and 11/13. The tables were numbered vertically instead of horizontally if that makes sense. I told her that’s just how it’s numbered and I wanted them to just wait because it would mess up the flow, but his mom and I don’t know who else from his family kept asking and complaining to the workers. The workers kept checking with me at the sweetheart table. I told the mc to just go ahead and call their tables but they called 9 because one of my fiancés family members said the kids table was 9 but it was actually 8. Everyone was confused, the guests and the workers were confused on why it was going out of order. More than one table got up because they thought they missed hearing their numbers, it messed up the flow of taking photos with each table, people were missing at the tables because they were getting food or were done and walking around, and we didn’t get a photo with the kids table since they finished early. I had to tell my fiancé to keep his mother in law away from me and that he needed to deal with her requests/demands. This wasn’t the first time she’s done something like this. She tried to move tables around at the bridal shower and complained about my family being served first at the rehearsal dinner. So there was a window of us sort of arguing at the wedding at the sweetheart table, trying to hide it from everyone, and just not enjoying ourselves. That’s another reason I want some more photos.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Kelsey, on July 9, 2021 at 12:43 AM
  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Hi - first, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like a lot of things didn't go the way you hoped and it must be so disappointing to not even be able to enjoy the photos - especially after having to postpone a year, losing your grandma, your dad not being able to make it, AND the MIL issues... this is a LOT to handle, I truly feel for you.

    I would definitely consider doing an anniversary shoot in your dress at some point and if possible, leave the timing of that open-ended for now so you can decide "hey, I've been feeling great lately, maybe we should book a shoot now!" Also, for now, could you save the photos you don't like in a separate folder so you can revisit them at some point when the emotions aren't so raw, then decide if you really don't want them? My hope is that you might feel differently about these photos later - you might be your own worst critic right now (many of us are!).

    It also may be worth picking a couple examples of shots you consider unflattering and asking your photographer / videographer to just not include those in your albums / highlights if possible. Maybe they could put them in a separate online album or flash drive so you can choose whether and when you see them. Might sound extreme / too demanding to some, but I think you're going through a pretty difficult time and your mental health is worth a special request as long as you're polite and understanding if it's not something they're able to do.

    Also want to say, even though I'm sure you've heard it already, you are so much more than a number on a scale - I hope you're able to find your confidence again with or without the "extra" weight. I'm sure you were a beautiful bride.

    Regarding the MIL issues, man do I feel your pain, and I'm so sorry she seems to have caused so much stress for you. She sounds very difficult, controlling, self-centered, and dramatic. Your instinct is right that your husband needs to be the one to respond when she gets like this, not you - he'll need to very clearly and consistently stand up for you and show his mom that he won't allow her to take over important celebrations in your lives. Couples therapy has been very helpful for me and my FH in setting boundaries with his mom (similar issues). Sticking to boundaries is really hard work, but necessary. We are both in individual therapy as well which I think is important.

    Good luck, I really hope things get better for you!

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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You still haven’t gotten your photos back, so I do hope they turned out better than you’re imagining! It sounds like you went through a lot this year and did what you needed to do to survive. It’s hard to think about ourselves (younger selves) at lighter weights and imagine looking like that now. I struggled very hard for a long time to get the 21 year old image of me out of my mind as far as “body goals”. That was 10 years ago and my body really shouldn’t look like that at this point. I’m stronger and have been through more and my body shows it. It’s also funny how you when I was that size I still idealized a smaller size and thought I was fat! That’s common for women “I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat”. Sick but true. Anyway, you’re not alone. I hope you can see yourself and your body for everything it has carried you through. Now! You can totally get pictures taken again at any point!! I wouldn’t set a date or a goal for it, I’d wait until you’re back in a consistent healthy groove and feeling good. Then, take a look at photographers. Maybe it’s more of a couples/family shoot or maybe you wear your dress again! Don’t put pressure on that now, it’s available anytime you want. Give yourself some grace!
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  • C
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Cristina ·
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    Thank you! You made some great points and I’ll definitely reach out to the photographer and videographer since they’ll take like a month anyways to edit. Also, good point about waiting to take photos. Whenever I put pressure on myself to lose weight it definitely backfires. I do the best when I lose it naturally over time and consistency.


    We’ve talked about marriage counseling and we both agreed it would be beneficial. But you definitely encouraged it more. The wedding planning process showed some underlying communication issues and the lack of boundaries he has with his family.
    Thank you! You gave some great ideas. I needed to just vent as well and get an outside perspective on it all.
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  • C
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Cristina ·
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    Thank you for the reassurance! I definitely needed to vent and get everything off my chest. I feel like I’ve been trying to stay afloat and be happy for the wedding, but the circumstances impacted it a lot. Positive body image is something I struggle with and seeing photos of myself is always hard. Thank you for the outside perspective and I for sure want to get photos done later down the road once I feel more confident and comfortable with my body. I just needed some reassurance that it’s not out of the norm.
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  • W
    Devoted March 2021
    whirlwind ·
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    Have you seen your photos yet?
    I was the heaviest I've ever been on my wedding day and definitely not happy with that. But I also gained weight during covid and life happens. I was also a plus size bride anyways. I told my photographer before the wedding how insecure I felt about my body and how I needed her to position me and husband in photos in a way that wouldn't make me look huge. She did fantastic and most photos came out beautiful. Do I cringe a little when I see my arms in some pictures or some of the photos where I am sitting are really not that flattering but most photos are beautiful. I really really hope you'll get beautiful pictures and you can see the joy in your face instead of that 10 extra pounds.

    I am sorry you were angry parts of your wedding and things went wrong. But pretty much every wedding has something go wrong. The days and weeks after the wedding my emotions went back and forth between seeing the perfect elements of the day and focusing on the small disappointments. But with time (it's been three months now) the disappointments became smaller and smaller.
    It's normal to have some wedding blues after all the planning and anticipation. And you waited even an extra year. It is such a highly emotional season. I hope with some time you can look back at your day with joy and focus on the perfect moments of the wedding day. What went really well? What was your favorite moment? What surprised you?
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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Good, I'm glad it was helpful! I was just thinking too, any time you see a photo from your wedding that you DO like (and I'm confident many more are coming when your professional photos come back!), can you save them in a folder on your phone or put them together in a montage that you can go back to anytime you need to be reminded of how beautiful you really did look that day? I've always had issues with the way my face looks from certain angles (just posted about this on another board the other day!), and sometimes it helps me to just set the "bad" pictures aside and focus on the "good" ones as much as I can. My therapist also reminded me that sometimes a photo is just an awkward freeze-frame in time, LOL - like when you pause a movie and suddenly this beautiful actress is making some contorted face because she was talking or something. But in real life no one saw unflattering freeze-frames of you on your wedding day - they saw you moving around, talking and dancing and laughing and probably looking really freaking happy! :-) So, try not to be too hard on yourself if some of the freeze-frames don't look the way you'd want them to. I'm going to try to remember that for myself!

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  • Katie
    Dedicated May 2023
    Katie ·
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    This is such a good point! My wedding is more than a year away but I will try to remember this - it's not about looking perfect, it's about being happy! We always look our best when our joy radiates onto our faces anyway.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Cristina ·
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    It’s honestly very hard for me to think of the positives right now. Of course my family and friends made it a great experience, but I’m still pretty upset with my husband and his family. As I’m reflecting more I realize how offended I was by his family’s behavior. It definitely became all about my husband and a family reunion for them. I think that’s another reason I was disappointed with the wedding. The focus wasn’t on us getting married but rather on his family. Hopefully I can start to recognize the good parts because looking back there was a lot that his family did. His sister showed up late and literally tried to walk down the aisle once it was my turn to walk in the ceremony. The wedding coordinator had to force them to stop multiple times. His mom and his family complained about the table numbers and we had to change the order. That messed the flow up for a good 45 minutes and put us off schedule. His dads speech was mainly about my husband and he barely mentioned me. He had my husband and one of his cousins do this dumb blood ritual thing right in the middle of the wedding. His sister didn’t even have a speech ready and then made it about herself how my husband cried so much at her wedding but didn’t cry at his own. His family talked over and were partying through my sisters speech and my dance with my grandpa. I got basically pushed off the dance floor by his family and was dancing on the side. They were literally dancing on my bustle and pulling the dress apart. I had to walk away at that point and just tried to find my family and friends. I don’t know how this post turned to this but I’m worried about the family I married into. I feel that their behaviors showed how little they value and respect me as a person. It felt that they did not consider me during the wedding and it was all about my husband.
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  • W
    Devoted March 2021
    whirlwind ·
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    Wow, I am sorry. I understand that you're super upset.

    Maybe you can talk with a close family member or a good friend and ask for their perspective of your wedding. I am wondering if your high expectations for your own wedding maybe obscured some of your observations/experience. I am not saying at all you made it up. But maybe someone else's perspective might help you. I honestly can't imagine people being so rude as you are describing and wonder of there are any misinterpretations.

    How was your relationship with them before the wedding? Have you been to weddings of their family before? Do thy
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  • W
    Devoted March 2021
    whirlwind ·
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    *sorry I posted before finishing and now can't edit my post.


    Do they celebrate different than your family?
    And you need to talk to your husband!!! Maybe the family you married into isn't welcoming you, is rude to you,.... but the important thing is that your husband is on your side, is having your back, is standing up for you, etc. You are his family now and that needs to show. If he is siding with his family, is making excuses for their behavior I would definitely recommend counseling.
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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    These sound like incredibly rude people. I would definitely talk to your husband about how you felt (keeping it focused on what you experienced and what you felt about it vs. trying to infer what his family's motives/intent were). If he's defensive / not willing to hear you out, it might be better to pause the conversation until you can really unpack it with the help of a couples therapist. But even if he's pretty open to hearing you out, I still recommend looking for a couples therapist because if his family was this controlling and disrespectful about your wedding, I would be shocked if it's the last time they overstep, and it's so important to have a plan in place for when they do (i.e. boundaries he is prepared to enforce).

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  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    That's what I'm hoping for! :-)

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  • Kelsey
    Beginner April 2022
    Kelsey ·
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    What if instead of focusing on getting the perfect pictures of you in your dress, you spoke with a therapist about finding ways to appreciate your wedding day and not focus on how you looked in the dress, but how you felt that day and the love you shared? You did so well noting all of the stressors you were dealing with; a therapist could help you find peace and ways to give yourself credit for surviving all of that AND planning a wedding. Please consider. You deserve to feel beautiful inside and out. Smiley heart

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