Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Dedicated October 2020

Unfair Future sil Treatment

Neena, on September 6, 2019 at 5:23 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Long story short.. future SIL got married this summer and both her brothers (one being my FH) were in the wedding along with oldest brother’s wife. I was not asked to be a part of the wedding party nor invited to be in any pictures even though I’ve been with her brother for over five years. She did not interact/ speak to me at all throughout the night. Her and I don’t have a relationship so I understand not being asked to be in the wedding party. I tried to enjoy myself regardless as a guest. Fast forwarded to now, I am planning my wedding. I did not ask her to be a bridesmaid for the same reasons I understood her not to ask me. However, I am hearing she is upset by this. She will be the only sibling not in the wedding party but I am not close with her and my FH & I agreed we would pick our own sides. I informed him who I was going to ask to stand up in our wedding and he was fine with it. Now I am getting all this attitude from the family about not including her. Is this a double standard? Why can’t she just keep it classy as a guest?

Flag
Hide content

11 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on September 7, 2019 at 7:30 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 6, 2019 at 5:25 PM
Flag

Hide content
Some people aren't capable of such behavior. If she is close to your FH, he could have asked her to be in the wedding just as well as you could have. She will get over it.
- Reply
Master October 2019
Laura · on September 6, 2019 at 5:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
It's definitely a double standard. It should not be ok for her to not have you, then you be expected to have her. You should have the people who support you up there with you that day, not someone who treats you like you don't exist.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Neena · on September 6, 2019 at 5:30 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Apparently not. The thing is I wouldn’t say they are close but every family dynamic is different. They only see each other on birthdays and holidays. They don’t text unless there is a medical emergency involving their mother. They live completely separate lives. I see my family every week sometimes twice a week. We have a family group text, constantly do family outings/ vacations on top of bdays and holidays. I just don’t like confrontation. So it makes me anxious!!
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Neena · on September 6, 2019 at 5:34 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree 1000%. Where was the outrage when I wasn’t included in her wedding party? Lol. I have friends who I’ve known for a decade and we all made a pact to be each other’s bridesmaids as cheesy as it sounds. Also, I have other friends who have helped me get thru some tough times in recent years including a previous break up with my current FH. Those are people I want beside me on my big day. I don’t think that’s unfair.
- Reply
Master October 2019
Laura · on September 6, 2019 at 5:38 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

It's not unfair at all! I was originally supposed to have my future stepdaughter as a bridesmaid, didn't want her because she's drama all the time, but it made my FH happy so I said fine. She acted like a brat because he wasn't marrying her mom, who she never talks to...and the daughter is 32 years old. She demands to be called his "adopted" daughter because he adopted her when he married her mom. She acted horrible so FH realized it wasn't a good idea and apologized to me. She's not coming and I don't mind. Like you i'm treated like I don't exist. My friend of 45 years is in the wedding and so is my niece, that's all I need. I don't think you're doing anything wrong by not having her.
- Reply
Dedicated October 2020
Neena · on September 6, 2019 at 5:46 PM
Flag

Hide content
Oh wow, Laura!! Sorry to read about this. You don’t deserve that. At least your husband saw what was happening and stepped in and apologized. My FH is traditional in most things related to the wedding planning and asked me early on in our planning if I would ask his sister and I told him what I said in my original post and he was fine with then. Clearly he knows I have no relationship with her. I just can’t help but wonder if they are brainwashing him lol
- Reply
VIP November 2021
· on September 6, 2019 at 6:39 PM
Flag

Hide content
Sorry - it’s a tough spot to be in .. don’t let it get to you - talk to FH about it more and maybe he can clear it up with the family because they shouldn’t be acting like that
- Reply
VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on September 6, 2019 at 8:58 PM
Flag

Hide content
Can she Hostess or read a passage?
- Reply
Dedicated July 2021
Karla · on September 6, 2019 at 10:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
Definitely a double standard. I would have your FH hash it out with her and explain on your behalf so it doesn’t create more drama. Maybe she’d listen to him since he’s her brother and maybeeee get through to her. Don’t let her guilt trip you, it’s what a manipulater and an attention seeking person does.
- Reply
Super October 2021
Nicole · on September 6, 2019 at 11:22 PM
Flag

Hide content
You are by no means obligated to have her be in the wedding.

I would recommend that you take a minute and consider are you not including her genuinely because you don't feel terribly close or partially because you're still hurt from her wedding? If its because you're still hurt, I would consider talking it out...this might bring you closer as she is about to be love your FSIL. But if you've thought it all out and you definitely don't want her, don't let FH's family pressure you/guilt you.
- Reply

Super September 2020
Naikesha · on September 7, 2019 at 7:30 AM
Flag

Hide content
There is n obligation to have her in the wedding and you should have a conversation with FH and have him talk to the family regarding why she's not in the wedding.
- Reply