Unexpected loss of groomsman

First, I’m sorry for your loss. I lost a very close friend of mine unexpectedly and attended his siblings wedding about a year after. They did a lot to honor him, but to me and those close to him, it was too much. They had a note on tables as well as drinks names after him and a whole speech about him. I had to walk out bawling. I would keep the remembrance close to you and discreet as to honor him but not upset guests. I’m guessing they had mutual friends who will be there, his lack of presence will be felt without outwardly acknowledging.

View Quoted Comment Thank you- and I am so so sorry for your loss and having to endure that pain again. We absolutely do not want to upset guests. We are having programs with our bridal party names listed, From your unique perspective and experience, would omitting his name completely be appropriate?

View Quoted Comment Since he won’t be there as a groomsman, yes, I think it’s appropriate to omit his name. I think that is the right thing. An empty chair with a beer or some other subtle touch that won’t be noticed by all would be the route I’d go. I totally get FH wanting to do something. But when guests sit for your ceremony and open the program and see his name there… not the uplifting tone you’re likely seeking.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome. My condolences, again.

I'm so sorry for your loss! What a horrible thing to happen.

I would avoid making it too much of a memorial. It may cause pain to people that are gathered to celebrate your day.

We unfortunately went through this... we did end up finding someone to fill his spot cuz we didn't want to make the girl uncomfortable walking alone. Putting someone in his place was very difficult for us to do and took a lot of thought.. I'm honoring him by having a picture of him wrapped around my bouquet and leaving a chair open for him during the ceremony. With a picture and flowers. I'm sorry for your loss.

We unfortunately went through this... we did end up finding someone to fill his spot cuz we didn't want to make the girl uncomfortable walking alone. Putting someone in his place was very difficult for us to do and took a lot of thought.. I'm honoring him by having a picture of him wrapped around my bouquet and leaving a chair open for him during the ceremony. With a picture and flowers. I'm sorry for your loss.

It's pretty common to have an in memoriam section of the wedding program (usually the back) that honors the loved ones who couldn't be at your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Oh interesting, didn’t know that! We only planned on honoring him since he was to be a groomsman and was like a brother. This is something to consider, thank you!

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry for your loss and having to go through similar circumstances. Thank you for the ideas and sentiments. The open chair is really a subtle way to pay respects, I think.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I know when the day hit and he's not there it's going going feel like a missing piece but I know he would want us to be happy no matter what.

View Quoted Comment Aw, exactly how we feel too. The day of is going to be so tough just feeling that missing piece. You’re so right, brings tears to my eyes. Same with our friend, he would want us to celebrate him in some wild sort of way, not be sad and mourn anymore.

I have personally never been a fan of the "empty chair" gesture. I don't consider an empty chair "subtle" in any way. I have also been at a wedding where an empty memorial chair was mistaken as "up for grabs" and someone sat in it during the speeches, and a lot of people got upset.

I think subtle nods, such as serving their favorite drink or playing their favorite song (assuming it is decently wedding appropriate) is a better route.

View Quoted Comment Someone helped themself to a seat at a head table!? Wow! That surprises me.

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It was at the end of the table - they thought they were reducing their interruption of the speeches (as opposed to walking through the crowd to get back to their seat, they'd just have a quick seat until the speeches were over) and it was the closest seat. You can't expect everyone to heap importance on a certain table or seat - which is exactly when feelings get hurt.