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Cheryl
Devoted April 2021

Unexpected death of a loved one.

Cheryl, on September 10, 2019 at 7:12 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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***WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT***



My sister (48) had a massive stroke 8/23/19, the stroke had caused major right side damage/brain death. Due to the stroke it caused her brain to swell which she had to have a portion of her skull removed to try to relieve the swelling/pressure on her brain. The bone flap removal was unsuccessful, and her brain continued to swell d/t the severe damage, which ended up causing damage to the left side of her brain as a result. We met with her team of doctors on 8/30 and made the hard decision to remove her from life support and let nature take its course. She died peacefully 12 hours later after having all her immediate family with her all day.
I'm the baby of the family (I'm 31), there is a 17 year difference between my sister and I. My older brother lives in FL and we only get to talk to him every once in awhile. My sisters husband and high school sweetheart passed away last year May 11th(day after my birthday) from a massive heart attack. My mom took that hard because he was so young(47 or 48). Now the passing of my sister has just hit even harder.

My mom says she is ok, but she has me worried. I know everyone grieves differently, but she is not sleeping. My mom is 71 and has a huge list of medical issues (Heart problems and COPD as the major ones) and it scares me that something might happen. I know we are not granted tomorrow and anything can happen.
When we talk and a slowly bring up the wedding (6 months away) she seems super excited. We have talked about once it gets cooler weather we would go look at dresses for her to wear to our wedding. Sorry for such the long post, I guess I needed to get this off my chest and the only other people who seem to understand are fellow brides/bride-to-be.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Rachael, on September 11, 2019 at 8:50 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you. Maybe suggest grief counseling for your mom, or even your family as a whole. It sounds like you've suffered some major losses in the last year or so and counseling is always worth trying. It's great that the two of you have your wedding to look forward to and that your mother is so excited for you!

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  • N
    Master January 2015
    null ·
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    I'm sorry you and your family are going through such a horrible thing right now. Your mom is lucky to have you to look after her. Hopefully your wedding is just what your mother needs to get back on her feet after such a tragedy, she can grieve your sister while looking to the future and how happy she'll be for your wedding.

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  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    I'm so sorry for your losses. Your sister and her husband were much too young. Your wedding is probably a good distraction for her and gives her something to look forward to during such a horrible time. Definitely keep an eye on her, let her grieve however she chooses too but most importantly just be there for her. whether as a shoulder to cry on or someone to distract her from the pain she's feeling. It'll change constantly. She might be trying to stay strong for you so as not to take away from your wedding.
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  • Cheryl
    Devoted April 2021
    Cheryl ·
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    Thank you all! It's definitely been a rough year. I feel guilty bringing up the wedding now. I think it just comes from the fact that this was just so unexpected and tragic. I don't want her to think I'm dismissing her death. I do think the wedding is a good distraction though. We are getting married in Gatlinburg (5 hours from our home) so shes excited about that as well. I think my dad and her are going to make a weekend out of it.
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  • M
    Expert September 2020
    Marcia ·
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    I’m so sorry for your loss. My only sibling died while I was 21 weeks pregnant with my son. I will say that maybe the wedding will be a much needed happy occasion to look forward to. I know looking forward to my son’s birth helped my parents, and me, a lot with our grief.

    I would encourage you to be patient with your mom. Mine had her moments and I had to remember that she was grieving and had suffered an unimaginable loss.

    Best wishes!
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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    I am so sorry for your loss. Grief strikes at odd times. My sister passed in January and I get married in a month.. my mom has been emotionally detached from anything wedding related since then. help with the excitement, remember the good times and talk to her often. She may not have let it hit her yet and one day it could all come up. Remember as hard as it is for you, no parent should see their child pass. Just be there and ready for when it does strike (if it ever does, some people live in denial for many years). Again i am so sorry. Hugs!

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  • Cheryl
    Devoted April 2021
    Cheryl ·
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    Thank you! We talk almost daily sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. This is her 2nd child to pass away, her first was a still born baby when she was a teen. We realized that her and my other sister both died on the same day 56 years apart. She hasn't seemed detached but I think it's all still so fresh and raw. I've some what avoided wedding conversations with her and just let her bring it up. She does still seem excited and can't wait, but I'm sure that pain is still there as well.
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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    I wouldn't avoid it because it might be the joy she needs, for my mom she is detached from pretty much anything wedding related but her world lights up when she sees my son and thats her joy in this dark time. Like I said grief is so hard. Literally as I sent the first reply my mom messaged me and one of my other sisters in a group chat talking about how she needs to go to the doctor for depression and anxiety because she can't sit alone without crying. My mom always was and always will be the strongest person I know. She lost both her parents within 6 months of each other when she was 15 and 16. almost half of her siblings now. Shes battled cancer 3 times and has had multiple neck and back surgeries and on permanent disability since 2001. She has NEVER admitted to needing help. Grief sucks and when something like this happens so suddenly especially (my sister committed suicide) sometimes it takes a while for it to truly set in. My heart breaks for your family and how close it is to your wedding. Positive energy being sent your way and if you ever need to just vent I'm just a message away!

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  • Cheryl
    Devoted April 2021
    Cheryl ·
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    Right after I replied the first time, I called my mom and just casually brought up the wedding. She seemed to have perked up a bit. We were talking about alterations and how I think I'm going to get quotes from local shops vs going back to DB. She was like "you know 6 months is going to go by super quick! It still feels like yesterday that you were calling us saying he finally popped the question." We went on vacation to Vegas and he asked while we were there.
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  • Rachael
    Beginner September 2021
    Rachael ·
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    It sounds like your mom is looking forward to letting wedding planning distract her. We just lost my dad two months ago, mere days before we were going to announce our engagement. Everyone deals with grief differently, but my mom was so, so happy for us, and so mad at my dad for leaving us too soon. But, she's been one of the strongest voices in the wedding planning process, and it seems like your mom might like being involved as much as you'd like her to be.

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  • Cheryl
    Devoted April 2021
    Cheryl ·
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    She does! I called her after work and we were talking and she was like "oh what are you out doing?" I told her I had found a pair of heels online I wanted to go look at for the wedding. I have super small feet so dress shoes like heels fit funky. So I fell in love with the shoes when I got to the store, wore them around a bit to make sure they wouldn't hurt my feet. So I called her back and she was like well did you buy them. I was all excited saying yes, and how they were the last style and size they had in my shoe size. Once it get cooler I'm planning on taking her out to find a dress for our wedding. Since we're not doing the big wedding she doesn't have to bother with a mother of the bride dress, but wants to find a nice comfortable one.
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  • Rachael
    Beginner September 2021
    Rachael ·
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    That sounds awesome! I'm so glad to hear she's been engaged in things going on. I'm very happy for you Smiley smile

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