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Expert September 2018

Uneven guests, fh is sad... :(

catobx, on February 19, 2018 at 11:26 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 21

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Awww...I feel so bad about this and I am not sure what to say to comfort my FH. My mom and I were going over some checklists tonight, and we realized that FH has basically no one from his side that will come (in terms of family). His parents will be there, of course, and his sister is a BM, but the other family that we expected to come (his cousin, his wife, aunt and uncle, and her parents) recently found out that they are pregnant with child #2 and due in early September (our date is 9/1). So, we got a text from FH's mom saying that none of them will be able to come, in reality. On the off chance, they might, but we cannot bank on it. FH's parents are on the older side, his dad is 78 and his mother's family has basically all passed away, so the 'outliers' from his family (would have to come from out of state and out of country) are also not banked upon. We have a guest list of almost 150-175 and the majority is on my side, family, friends, and dad's colleagues. Many of them will come. It will be super uneven but I tried to assure them we are all family now, he will have his groomsmen and some friends, but he actually got kind of choked up tonight about it, and he is Mr. Military (never gets emotional). I just feel bad. Has anyone experienced this? What can I say to help him feel better?

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Bailey, on February 21, 2018 at 7:50 PM

Expert October 2018
Melissa · on February 19, 2018 at 11:32 PM
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Remind him how the most important thing about your wedding day is the start of a new chapter and commitment in your lives together. Tell him how much you love him and can't wait to spend that day and every day with him.
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Savvy October 2018
Mindy · on February 19, 2018 at 11:37 PM
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Let him know how honored you are that u he wants to be able to share this special time with all his family and how much you are looking forward to spending time visiting them with him as his wife. Just love him and support him because that's what we do.
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Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on February 20, 2018 at 12:13 AM
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My first wedding, we had about 80 guests, and only about 20 of them were from my side. You're just never going to have evenly balanced sides, unless the one with the smaller family invites everyone they've ever known, which is just silly.
Yes, it's sad for him that more of his family can't be there. But that really has nothing to do with how many of your family and friends are.
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Super February 2018
Married and Loving It! · on February 20, 2018 at 12:20 AM
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I am in the same situation but reverse. I have about 20 people at our wedding and my FH has 100. There isn’t much to say but my FH reminds me that his family is now my family. Unfortunately it is what it is how I feel about it.
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Expert August 2018
Rozenbook · on February 20, 2018 at 12:50 AM
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My fiance has a large extended family and I have nuclear and only a handful if extended family. My dad is My happy about it and he's paying for the wedding, well majority of it, but I reminded him that he knew this going in and we can't change what's happened with his family and my mother's. It's great I'm marrying into a large family so that if I have kids they can have a lot of family to grow up with. The downside is the fact that I will have to not feel down or awkward when his family truly gets to see how little family I have. They are aware, but they may fully realize that day how serious I was about it. I know they believe I'm serious but seeing and hearing have a different impact on perception
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Expert August 2018
Rozenbook · on February 20, 2018 at 12:52 AM
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*my day is not too happy about it.

What I mean by that is he is reminded and feels bad I didn't grow up with extended family and will not have many on my side.
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Master October 2017
O · on February 20, 2018 at 1:03 AM
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Out of 55 guests we invited only 11 were my friends (2) and family. It is sad, it does kind of suck not to have that huge support system, etc., but it is what it is. What helped me to get over it was to realize what the day was about instead of who wasn't there/amount of people weren't there.
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Expert March 2018
Heather · on February 20, 2018 at 1:26 AM
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Let him know hes not alone i will only have 2 members of my family at mine. My mom and her sister. My fh family is huge and welcomed me into the family along time ago. Yes its hard but i look at it this way im gaining a whole family that love and support me. Just love him and support him it will all be ok
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Dedicated June 2019
Kirsten · on February 20, 2018 at 3:36 AM
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I actually am in the same situation except my FH is the one who will have the more guests. His family is much closer and I don't know most of my dad's side. My mother's side is just her 2 siblings and their families left. It did originally upset me to be so one sided. But I got over it when I realized that everyone in terms of family will be my new family or already my family.
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Expert December 2024
Chandra · on February 20, 2018 at 4:21 AM
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So sorry to hear. I'm in a similar situation. My FH, parents had passed away and his sister, just passed recently. So his brother is the man. He has cousins and two uncle's that coming. It's most of my family and friends, thats coming. And he feels so sad, I just remaind him that my family, is his family and just comfort him. Make a long story short, I just have our guest to sit anywhere, they like, and hopefully, that will ease his mind when he see everyone supporting us
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Super September 2018
Kristen328 · on February 20, 2018 at 8:31 AM
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We have a guest list of about 95, and out of that, FH only has about 12 people on his guest list. But it honestly doesn't really bother him. He has a good relationship with my entire family, and the day is about us, not about how many people are there.
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on February 20, 2018 at 9:16 AM
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I’m on his shoes right now. My FH has 90% of The invites. I have a few friends invited, only one of which will actually go. And of my family, I have my mother, my grandmother, and my brother going. My brother is walking me down the isle bc my dad isn’t going (he and my mom clash), and my sister decided she didn’t want to be a part of my wedding or my life anymore because I “didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid”- but I did, in front of people and they vouch for me. Anywho, It sucks to see how much love and support FH is surrounded by. But at the same time, it makes me so happy to know that I am joining a loving and supportive family. Also that some day when we have kids, they will have his family’s love and support as well.
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Super October 2016
Loganna · on February 20, 2018 at 9:31 AM
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My guest list was very heavily DH's family and family friends. So much so, actually, that his parents looked at the guest list and volunteered to pay for the catering themselves so that my parents didn't foot the bill for a party of essentially their family. I didn't have a single guest from my mom's side attend the wedding, aside from my mom. I think I had about 5 from my dad's side.
Honestly, when I was walking down the aisle, I noticed that I was surrounded by people who loved and supported us.... I wasn't thinking at all about how or why I knew them, just that I was so grateful that they were there with us.
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Dedicated July 2018
Elle · on February 20, 2018 at 9:32 AM
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When we met 3 years ago FH had just gotten out of some bad crap and was restarting his life over and had to cut ties with everyone he knew. So now aside from his mom, sister and brother he has no one to invite. His mom has fallen out with her siblings and so no aunt or uncles are invited either. He's made several comments about how he has no one to invite while my list could easily be 50 people with just friends from all the places I've lived. It definitely hurt my heart to see him so sad.
So for many reasons we are having a small 10 person wedding! We like it better that way anyways.
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Devoted October 2018
AbeFroman · on February 20, 2018 at 10:53 AM
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My wedding will have around 50 people. 7 of them are mine. I was hurt by this at first but then I realized that the whole point of a wedding is to join families - your family is his now too. Hopefully that will help him feel better.
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Expert February 2018
PHXBride · on February 20, 2018 at 1:04 PM
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It won't matter, trust me. Our guest list was very heavy on my side. We had our ushers tell everyone to sit anywhere. You figure most guests don't know everyone, so they won't know.
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Devoted April 2018
CheeckyPinky39 · on February 20, 2018 at 1:05 PM
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I can sympathize with you/your fh. No one, and I mean 0, from my fh's side (friends, family, anything) will be in attendance at our wedding. Everyone invited are people that I work with, my family or people we've met together since dating.

And, he's 100% ok...so I am too. I was sad at first but if he's ok so am i.
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Super November 2018
WinterMarie · on February 20, 2018 at 1:12 PM
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Nothing you say will really take away the hurt that he is feeling right now. I am in a similar situation with my family being the smallest. Nothing will take that away but just make sure he feels a part of your side of the family and friends.
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VIP May 2018
Ashley · on February 20, 2018 at 1:30 PM
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Don’t feel bad. FH is inviting 70 family
and friends and I’m inviting 15 family members and 15 family friends. FMIL said she wants us to have a sign that says sit on either side, during the ceremony but I don’t care. My family is small.
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Super March 2019
Bailey · on February 21, 2018 at 7:50 PM
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While everyone here has much smaller numbers than our wedding, we are inviting 570 and about 375-400 (about 75-100 are kids) are my family, friends, and mom and dad’s friends. I have a huge, super close extended family, but it was originally hard for me considering his people was all his family, friends, and people his mom, dad, and stepmom wanted to be there.
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