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Just Said Yes June 2022

Uncomfortable Attending a Wedding

Melody, on August 16, 2021 at 5:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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So this might be a bit long since there are a lot of moving parts but I’ll try to keep it short and simple.
I am I bride planning my big reception for next summer. My husband and I were originally supposed to get married earlier this year but because of Covid we had an intimate wedding with immediate family and postponed the big reception in order to keep everybody safe.
During all this we were nervous for my SIL’s (my husband’s sister) fall wedding but we remained hopeful. Well with the delta variant and vaccination rates in our area not being very high (and more importantly within our own families) we are extremely concerned about attending my SIL’s wedding in a couple of months. My husband and I are both vaccinated, but I do work with children who cannot be vaccinated yet and our concern is with putting them at risk. My SIL has zero Covid precautions at a small fully indoor venue with about 150 people.My husbands family doesn’t believe Covid is much of a threat (even though they all went to a wedding a few weeks ago where several people ended up testing positive) so we know when we tell everybody we aren’t attending it’s going to start a huge fight. His sister already said she understands if people aren’t comfortable attending, but I feel like because we’re in her wedding and it’s her brother we’re just expected to ignore our own health and wellness and that of those around us in our day to day lives.Has anybody dealt with this? Do you have any advice on how to deal with this type of situation?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Kim, on August 26, 2021 at 5:02 PM
  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    You are not comfortable attending and there is potential for it to be a super spreader then definitely decline. Health is always more important.
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    I am so sorry. This sounds like a super spreader.


    Realistically, your options are to not go. Or wear a mask and leave after the ceremony. Or see if they'll accommodate you by video.
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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
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    It sounds like she already understands. It might start a fight with other people in the family but it sounds like you’ve already made your mind up.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    She says she understands, but I don’t think that included us. She’s the baby of the family, and has always gotten her way.. so I think having her brother decline is going to start a family war. I’m just not sure how to approach it in a way that she’ll be at peace with our decision and when to tell her.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    We considered just going to the ceremony, but even that’s in a tiny indoor room and we’ll be packed in there so even that’s risky and she’ll still be pissed that we’re missing the reception.
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  • K
    Dedicated September 2021
    K ·
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    I understand, but you can’t control how she reacts. All you can do is try and explain where you’re coming from and remind her that you love her. I know you’re looking for an Option C where you get what you want and she doesn’t get mad, but it might not work out that way. Best case scenario you’re overestimating her reaction. Next best scenario is she is mad but you guys work it out eventually. The only things you have control over are your decision to attend, and whether you are going to be the bigger person (both in how you act toward her and how you think of her and talk about her— even on online forums).


    Best of luck, I hope it works out ❤️
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  • P
    Devoted April 2023
    Peyton ·
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    If you are vaccinated and maybe even by then you could get a booster and you wear 2 masks (maybe a true N95and a surgical mask) and wash your hands constantly and only attend the ceremony….then maybe this could be a compromise. I am just thinking of a way it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I am a firm believer that masks work amazingly well. Would there be anyway all guests could be required to have a negative covid test 48 hours before the wedding? I am so sorry this is happening. I work in healthcare and every day I encounter the whole spectrum of people — some who refuse to wear masks and won’t get vaccinated and those who are vaccinated and still won’t go anywhere without full protective gear that could withstand a nuclear explosion

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  • Kate
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
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    I’m sorry you are in this situation. Everyone really needs to just do what’s right for their own unique situations and everyone needs to be understanding and respectful of each other’s decisions. I worry that people will look back to their pasts and wish they hadn’t fought with loved ones about this kind of stuff.


    It truly sounds like you are uncomfortable and honestly it would probably just be better if you decline now and not wait. It gives everyone some time to cool down from their anger and it won’t draw any attention at your SIL’s wedding. If their wedding is in a couple months, they may find more people being cautious and as we get further into the fall and they may find they need to make adjustments.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    She will not implement any type of Covid measures as they genuinely don’t see it as a threat, which is what makes us so nervous. It’s going to be a free for all and a lot of their family is antivax and just living their lives carefree. I can try to offer masks as an alternative, but I don’t think people realize how unreasonable she is and I can already hear the “you’re ruining my aesthetic.” We love her to death, but my goodness. Haha.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    Honestly, it really sucks thinking about having to miss such a milestone. This is supposed to be such a happy time and we hate to create any type of drama. We were talking before delta hit and jokingly declined and she said “you can’t decline.. you guys are in the wedding” so we’ve started having the conversations of “hey we’re getting a little nervous” so when we do actually tell her hopefully it doesn’t come as such a surprise? I just really don’t know the best way to approach it, since we have such opposing views of the pandemic.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    I wasn’t really looking for an option C as we’ve already decided this isn’t something we’re comfortable with. I was actually looking for advice on how to approach the topic with somebody with such opposing views. 98% of the time we are the bigger people simply to keep the peace. I can only think of one other time since I’ve been with my husband that we’ve had to set a firm boundary that she didn’t agree with (and yes, it started a fight and she involved her parents, one of whom told us to cave to keep her happy.) It might sound like we’re being negative towards her.. but at the end of the day we truly do love her, and we also know how unreasonable she can be and what the backlash will be when things don’t go the way she’d hoped.


    Thanks for keeping this a safe place to vent. Smiley smile
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  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
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    I feel you. My father is adamantly anti-vaxxer and thinks the whole thing is a hoax. I've been slowly but surely chipping away at the refusal of vaccine (and I think I'm seeing progress)

    Unfortunately, in your situation, I think you guys are going to have to have a frank discussion. But it's not something you should approach her about, your husband needs to. It's his baby sister, and so she's his responsibility to talk with.

    "Hey XX, I know where you and most of the family stands on Covid, and that you have no plans to let it effect your wedding. Unfortunately, Covid isn't something that follows the desires of us mere-mortals. Melody and I have been taking the situation very seriously because of the vulnerable populations we work around. I respect that you don't want Covid to have a place at your wedding, but since you guys won't be enforcing any precautions, Melody and I cannot attend the wedding. We're trying to keep the people around us safe, and hope that you can respect that. We'd love to still be able to see the wedding through live-stream, but understand if you're not able to figure that out. We love you, and hope everything goes well."

    It will start a fire, but that's their choice to pick a fight about. Hopefully the bridges burned are salvageable, if not, that's on the family not you guys.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    Thank you so so much! This was by far the most helpful comment so far. My husband is the most non confrontational person I’ve ever met, bless his heart. Haha. But he’s getting better so I’m not always the bad guy, so this is phenomenal advice. I said in an earlier comment that I’ve been opening the conversations of “hey we’re getting a little nervous” so hopefully this won’t be such a shock. I know she’s going to be upset (who wouldn’t be) but I think we all have a good enough relationship that it’ll blow over.. but the reminder that it’s on the family if they choose to hold a grudge is exactly what I needed.
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  • Kim
    Savvy April 2021
    Kim ·
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    If you are already vaccinated then why so much concern? Doesn't the vaccine prevent you from getting the virus? Don't you understand that behavior like this is why people don't discredit the vaccine? Now let's get to the facts: there is no scientific proof that virus restrictions work.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2022
    Melody ·
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    No, the vaccine does not prevent you from getting the virus, it’s purpose was to lessen the symptoms to keep people out of the hospitals and keep people from dying. I’m not here to argue how vaccines work and their efficacy, but there are so many breakthrough cases right now with the delta variant and that’s why we’re concerned. While the vaccine lessens the chance that we do contract the virus, it’s been proven that it is less effective with the new variant, and the concern isn’t with ourselves, but with the unvaccinated children I work with.
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  • Kim
    Savvy April 2021
    Kim ·
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    The function of the vaccine is to prevent getting the virus. If it doesn't give that result then it doesn't work. It's simple.
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