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Beginner June 2021

Unbiased opinion

Stacy, on June 27, 2020 at 1:38 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21

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Looking for an unbiased opinion about bridesmaids and FH sisters. I already have my bridal party picked and did not ask my FH's two sisters. They are apparently upset about it according to him and I am kinda being made to feel some type of way cuz I didnt ask them and told it is kinda disrespectful. Now I am not close to his sisters in any way. In fact in the past 5 years we have been together there has been very minimal interaction. I dont feel that they have made the effort to form a relationship with me. They both and his brothers now wife have never offered to include me in anything they have done together as a group. They have only came to events at our house twice out of all the countless invites to things (they live an hour away and we are always the ones traveling for anything) We have interacted very little at family gatherings and only since we have been engaged have they put forth a bit more effort in conversation. Which makes me feel was only due to the wedding and wanting to be in the BP. They both have had weddings since me and FH has been together. One that just happened a year ago. I was not asked to be apart of any of that in any way, and wouldnt have expected it. Not even conversations about it. I feel that your BP should be the people you are the most close with and comfortable with. I feel the whole experience would be awkward to have them involved in that part like having an acquaintance there for some of the most intimate moments. Am I wrong? Was I disrespectful to not put them in my BP?

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21 Comments

Latest activity by Elizabeth, on June 28, 2020 at 2:13 PM

VIP November 2021
Allie · on June 27, 2020 at 1:43 PM
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You are not wrong and you are not being disrespectful. Your BP SHOULD be people you feel comfortable with and who you will enjoy the day with, and if they don’t make you feel that way then they don’t need to be included. Especially if you aren’t close with them.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 27, 2020 at 1:44 PM
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You’re not wrong - you don’t have to have them in your BP. If anything why can’t he have them in his grooms party if they wanna be a part of it so bad anyway ya know? You’re right though that your bridal party members should be the people you are closest to
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on June 27, 2020 at 1:44 PM
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Nope you weren’t wrong at all! They can be upset and have their feelings but you absolutely don’t need to change your plans because of that.
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Master July 2019
Hannah Online · on June 27, 2020 at 1:45 PM
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I feel like there are two ways of looking at it. Granted, I am coming from a place where I truly like my sister in law and had her in my bridal party. One school of thought is what you mentioned: only having your nearest and dearest. Another school of thought is viewing the wedding as the coming together of two families and his siblings becoming your siblings and vice versa. In that sense, it's more common to have the future sister-in-laws in the bridal party because you're saying "hey, we are becoming family and as my sister, I want you by my side." Neither view point is more right or wrong than the other. Heck, some people have terrible relationships with their biological families and may opt to not have a biological sister in their wedding party. Ultimately, it is your choice who you ask to stand up there with you. If you want to try to build a closer relationship with them without having them be bridesmaids, maybe you can include them in things like the bachelorette or do a girls hangout session, or ask them to do a reading at the ceremony or something?
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Devoted October 2021
Chantelle · on June 27, 2020 at 1:45 PM
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Hello! I think you’re totally right to feel this way. Your bridal party should be who you’re closest to/most comfortable with and if your future sister in laws don’t fit that bill, then you should not be inflicted to include them. Being in a bridal party is an honor and it doesn’t seem they deserve that kind of role. Keep your head high and stick with your decision
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Master December 2019
Monique · on June 27, 2020 at 1:46 PM
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Not wrong at all! I asked my husbands sister for that reason and I wish I would not of. We are not any closer than we were before it all began.
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Super November 2019
Mrs. S · on June 27, 2020 at 1:49 PM
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Growing up I was always told bridal parties are primarily about family and siblings. Maybe they were told the same thing and that’s where this is coming from. But I think you did the right thing and they’ll get over it. I think you should stand your ground but in a nice way because you’re related now and you don’t want to burn these bridges.
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Beginner June 2021
Stacy · on June 27, 2020 at 1:52 PM
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I get that and that was something that came up. That I should have used this opportunity to build that bridge and maybe it would have made us closer. But my thoughts are why didnt they for their weddings? Why am I the one who has to use my day for that bridge. I feel that bridge should be there to be in the wedding party not build it because of the wedding.
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Master July 2019
Hannah Online · on June 27, 2020 at 2:28 PM
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If you have an interest in building any sort of relationship with them, I would maybe ask them that question of why do they expect you to make these moves when they opted not to. It's a fair question, why you should be the one putting in this effort when they never tried before. It's only a question that you and they can answer.
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Expert August 2020
Jodie · on June 27, 2020 at 3:59 PM
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If it's so important for them to be a part of the party, they can be on your FH side. There is no reason to have people in your bridal party that you do not want. Your bridal party is for people who you are close to whether family or friends. Do not let people make you feel guilty or obligated to have people in there because THEY think it's appropriate.
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Dedicated October 2021
Megan · on June 27, 2020 at 4:30 PM
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You're more than fine--no one is entitled to be in your bridal party.
Are they close with FH? He can put them on his side if so. I promise you, weddings/bridal parties are not the place to put someone if you're trying to get closer to them. Pick the people you're already close with (friends, siblings, whoever).
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 27, 2020 at 4:59 PM
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You are not being disrespectful by choosing people closest to you to be your attendants. Stand your ground. You aren't dictating who he picks on his side so it's not right or fair that you should be made to feel guilty for your choice.
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Expert October 2020
Kimberly · on June 27, 2020 at 5:05 PM
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You are not wrong. They didn’t ask you to be in theirs so why would they now get offended that they aren’t in yours? Even if you were in their bridal parties, I’m not saying that is a good reason to have them in your BP, but at least it is a fathomable reason as to why they are offended. Aside from that, I’m so confused why they would consider you disrespectful? You aren’t. They can get over themselves.
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Dedicated October 2020
VICTORIA · on June 27, 2020 at 6:21 PM
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You're not wrong at all- remember it is YOUR wedding.
I did ask one of FH's sisters to be my BM, but we're decently close. We all hang out, her husband helps with my care, we have get togethers and birthday parties. I did NOT ask his other sister, because we aren't close at all. I've literally met her twice in 5 years (once at HER wedding and once last month at a party at his other sister's house).
I didn't even ask my own two sisters!
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Savvy August 2021
Blane · on June 28, 2020 at 1:01 AM
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Nope not wrong and not rude. You don’t owe it to them to make them a part of your bridal party. That’s usually up to the bride to be surrounded by people she loves who will support her. It’s not your obligation to stick to other people’s rules.
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on June 28, 2020 at 5:08 AM
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You’re not wrong! You are under absolutely no obligation to have them in your bridal party or include them in the wedding beyond family photos. Bridesmaids are the people who are closest to the bride. I wouldn’t even consider including them in the bridal party.

I don’t think you were included in their weddings because you were a girlfriend. Family members are different since they can’t break up or even divorce, but since you’re not close, there’s no reason to include them in yours regardless. There’s also no excuse for them not making an effort at gatherings.

I’ve been in his sisters’ shoes and was very hurt. I get along with my SIL well and really like her, but I didn’t say a word about it. Why? Because it was her day and was supposed to be what she and my brother wanted.
Are they close to their brother? That could be the reason behind the hurt feelings. It could also be that they’re annoyed or angry that they were excluded. They could simply trying to start stuff, but hopefully that’s not the case.
Have your FH talk to them about why they’re upset and remind them that your bridesmaids are your closest friends/family. He should be the one to handle them and stick up for you.
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Dedicated October 2021
Millicent · on June 28, 2020 at 5:28 AM
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In my opinion the bridesmaids should be girls that the bride is close to and wants standing with her. If you aren't close to your future SILs, I don't think you are obligated to include them in the bridal party. You are not in the wrong. You could have them stand in the wedding on the side of your FH, that might be a compromise.
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Master June 2017
Mrs. Coakley · on June 28, 2020 at 6:26 AM
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You're not wrong at all. I've never understood including the husband's sisters in the BP unless you're actually close and hang out outside of family functions. I had my SIL in my bridal party, but she's my friend and we hang out and talk all the time.
If you're not close to them, there is no reason for you to have them in the bridal party. And the fact they're upset about it just reinforces how disrespectful they are.
You did nothing wrong; you don't need to apologize. They need to get over it.
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Dedicated October 2020
Holly · on June 28, 2020 at 6:57 AM
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You chose people close to you, so NO you are correct in your decision. Maybe include them another way by reading/ singing (if they can carry a tune) during the ceremony. Or ask them to be greeters at ceremony or reception. Make it sound like a great job, just for them!
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Master November 2016
KitandKaboodle · on June 28, 2020 at 1:19 PM
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Your BP is made of women who support you and your relationship with your FH. His sisters are not entitled by birth to be in your wedding. Tell your FH that their choice to be upset is just that, their choice. Let him know that they can be a part of the wedding as greeters or readers.
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