If you're newly engaged and reading this, please take my advice and WAIT to ask friends to be in your wedding party. If you've been through something like this for your own wedding, I'd love to get your advice and find out what the situation was like for you. (Sorry for the long post).
I got engaged about a year ago and asked some of my friends to be bridesmaids a few months later. I was going back and forth on one bridesmaid in particular, but decided that I should ask her since we have so much history together (friends for almost 10 years, roommates for 3 years during that time, about 20 different trips together, etc.). Since then, I've been regretting it more and more. After college, this friend moved back to her home state but visited at least 4 times a year, always staying with me without asking but I was fine with it. Since moving in with my fiancé last summer, whenever she visits she doesn't stay with us even though I've offered. Not a big deal, but she no longer invites me to do things with her when she is in town unless it's something that's a group expense and would be cheaper with more people invited, so I've started to feel like she was using me. I've also been feeling more and more uncomfortable because back when we were roommates, she let a guy who had sexually assaulted me into our apartment and allowed him to sleep in my bed while I was gone so that I came home and he was in there. I thought that I had gotten past that but I don't know if I can. I honestly feel dumb for asking her to be a bridesmaid in the first place.
Fast forward to this year, she's been nonexistent for any wedding celebration things (late to the bachelorette weekend, complaining about the location, coming to visit a week before my upcoming bridal shower but leaving 2 days before the event).
She also got engaged a couple of months ago and FaceTimed me to tell me, I went to her engagement party, and we've talked about tons of wedding details. Then, I started seeing a couple of mutual friends/acquaintances posting her bridesmaid proposal boxes on their social media. A few weeks later, one of her friends sent out a group text to a bunch of girls about her bachelorette party. I still hadn't received anything, and another one of her friends (friend that she's known for like 15 years) texted me individually asking if I had been asked to be a bridesmaid. Turns out neither of us are going to be in the wedding party.
Now, I understand that just because I asked her to be a bridesmaid, that doesn't mean she has to ask me. But with everything, I'm really feeling like I don't want her to be my bridesmaid anymore either. I'm hurt about her not asking me to be a bridesmaid but I'm also hurt about everything else over the past year. What should I do?
