Yvana
Dedicated June 2020

Umm advice needed

Yvana, on March 2, 2020 at 10:43 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 15
Saved
Reply
Soo one of my bridesmaid sent me a picture of what she wants to do as a hairstyle for my wedding day and it turns out to be the same hairstyle i picked for myself. I informed her that its the one I had chosen already and she responded with “but my hair will be straight instead of curled.” How do I respond to this? HELP. I honestly don’t want them to have the same hair style as me, but I dont want to seem bossy either....I dont like drama and don’t want to deal with her getting mad at me over this.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Nicole, on March 5, 2020 at 3:17 PM
  • Madelyn
    Dedicated June 2020
    Madelyn ·
    • Flag
    That’s not a fun situation to be in. Could you possibly pick a couple of styles and send to her? You could say something like: I was thinking more of something like this for you guys. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    Can you blame it on the stylist? I was a bridesmaid for a friend a couple years ago and the style I picked fit myself was pretty intricate. I got a message back from my friend saying she was going to wear something a little less intricate and that the stylist said bridesmaid’s hair shouldn’t be more intricate than the bride’s (which, totally understandable). I adjusted my hairstyle with zero hard feelings and everything turned out great.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    “I’m sorry, I would prefer for us to not have the same hairstyle on my wedding day.”
    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    I would kindly tell her that while you obviously love it too, you’d prefer the bridesmaids have different hairstyles from the bride.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I would just ask her to pick a different one. I wish I did that because my moh ended up doing the same thing as me and I didn’t feel it was differentiated enough
    • Reply
  • Lena
    Devoted May 2021
    Lena ·
    • Flag

    Just tell her to pick a different one. it's your day Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    Personally, I think it depends on what the hairstyle is. If you're choosing something super intricate, I understand not wanting them to be the same (a bridesmaid shouldn't have over the top hair/try to outshine the bride) If you chose a simple up-do (loose bun w/curls) I don't feel like you can really tell them they can't have the same hairdo... there's only so many simple up-dos to choose from. If you're not wanting them to be remotely similar, tell them you'd like their hair down.

    • Reply
  • Jill
    Jill ·
    • Flag

    Unless your paying for their hair, you can't really dictate what they do with it.

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna Online ·
    • Flag

    Tell her to pick something else--it's your day! After my hair trial, I sent the photo to all my bridesmaids and said something along the lines of "Here is the pic from my hair trial. You can chose any hair style you want for yourself except this one!" Everyone understood and picked the styles they wanted for themselves (I did pay for their hair, if that makes a difference)...

    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Devoted March 2020
    Kelsie ·
    • Flag

    I would honestly tell her that she can't do her hair that way! You are the bride and if you don't want her wearing the same hair, then that's perfectly fine and you don't have to feel bad making her pick something else! You come first!

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    No one will notice. You'll be in a big white dress and the one getting married, she is a bridesmaid. Several of my girls had their hair half up half down like I did, it didn't look similar at all.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    If one of yours is straight and one curly, it will be different enough. It is not up to the bride to tell BM about hair and makeup. They are not manikins or models, props for your wedding pictures. They are people, friends and family. And you are not in charge of their bodies, or of what they do with their hair, or facial hair, or nails, or tattoos, or personal jewelry. Choose for yourself. . Let them take care of their personal appearance. A lot of people actually want their BM to echo the bride's same or similar style. But that cannot be required, either. Not even if bride is paying for services. Each person decides for herself. If you are wearing a veil or headpiece, you may give them some hair jewelry. If they decide to wear it, styling around it will cause a somewhat different look from yours, even with the same basic style. -------- I don't know why recent brides have often decided that they can control everything about their family's and WP appearance. It has never been acceptable, except for dictators, and old time royalty, to control others so much in a social setting. TV and movies, brides act as though they choose everything for a movie they are making , or pictures, which is only okay if you hire actresses and models for $300 an hour, a job. Choose the dress or outfit. People choose the rest of their own appearance, for WP. And for MOB, FOB, MOG, FOG, the couple never even chooses their clothes. Just level of formality, for the whole event. Bride's should not overstep their bounds.
    • Reply
  • Yvana
    Dedicated June 2020
    Yvana ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Well they bought their own dresses too and I gave them a color to pick their dress. Its the same thing. I’m letting them pick their hairstyle...I just didn’t want one person have the same hairstyle as me and all the other bridesmaid with different hair styles. I’m not dictating what they do with their hair they can do whatever they feel like...I don’t care...I just prefer it not to be the one I will have that day. But thanks for your input 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol.
    • Reply
  • Yvana
    Dedicated June 2020
    Yvana ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    When in the world did I say I am in charge of their bodies 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️. Your rant went a little off tangent. The same way you probably let your bridesmaid choose their dress but gave them some sort of guideline such as color or style or texture I am letting my bridesmaids choose their hairstyle. They can do a faux hawk for all I care...i’m just not super thrilled about a bridesmaid having the same hairstyle as me. I asked for advice on how to approach my bridesmaid about how i’m feeling without causing problems...not if you think I should pick a hairstyle for her. I dont like being bossy and I want them to feel comfortable just like I let them choose their dress, make up style, and shoes I am letting them choose their hairstyle. Thank you anyway!
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
    • Flag

    "not trying to be a bridezilla, but i'm being bridezilla on this, pick a different style" would be my approach lol. Like sorry not sorry.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics