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Devoted May 2019

Ughhhh rehearsal dinner disaster..

Rebecca, on January 21, 2018 at 2:04 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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So my FILs have voiced that they want to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Awesome! Deff helps me out. However FMIL is now using it as a weapon.., she is so pissed that my family wants beer and alcohol at the reception (her family looks down on drinking) and FFIL doesn’t get to the the best man (apparently they expected it but FH isn’t close with his dad like that.. and of course they blame me) she has now decided she will plan the rehearsal dinner at a basketball court.. so that FFIL can use that night as FHs bachelor party to ensure no one takes him out and so he can “play ball with his dad one more time while he’s a free man” uh.. how do I deal with this.. rehearsal dinner is about to be a trashy disaster.. and every time I offer to just pay for it she takes it “offensively” but really just wants to have control of something. FH accidentally made her mistake of originally saying he didn’t care what the rehearsal dinner looked like so now whenever he says he doesn’t want a basketball court rehearsal dinner she just accuses me of trying to control “her part of the wedding”.. please help.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on April 15, 2018 at 3:04 AM

Expert May 2018
J · on January 21, 2018 at 2:15 AM
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I think you might need to tell them something like their plan isn’t what you had in mind and that you will plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner.
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Devoted May 2019
Rebecca · on January 21, 2018 at 8:47 AM
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I’m trying but she’s insisting that this is “her part”
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VIP April 2018
JustKidding · on January 21, 2018 at 8:58 AM
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"FMIL, while I appreciate that you want to plan and pay for the dinner. This is not what we expected nor want. I'm not trying to offend or upset you, but we will be taking over from here."

At this point you stop caring about hurting her feelings, she doesn't care about yours. If she tries to keep planning, keep repeating. And tell all those invited that you and you FI will be hosting and only take invites coming from you.
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Devoted January 2019
Katelyn · on January 21, 2018 at 9:02 AM
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It's your wedding and in my opinion that includes the rehearsel dinner. If your FH is against this too than he should be speaking up as well. In the end, they are just playing mind games and want to control some aspect of your day. I know its hard, but you and FH have to stand your ground together. If you dont want to upset her, then a second route would be to compromise.
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Master July 2017
Going to the chapel · on January 21, 2018 at 9:14 AM
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Your FH needs to talk with his parents. This is his issue to deal with. He tells them that a basketball court rehearsal dinner isn't going to happen, that the two of you will plan and pay for the RD and that the issue is closed. As a PP said, tell the invitees that the you will be hosting the dinner and if the in laws continue with their childish plans, they can play ball by themselves that evening.
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Master October 2017
fallinthegarden · on January 21, 2018 at 11:38 AM
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This is good advice, but I'd consider having your FH tell his parents this instead of you. It seems like they'll blame you anyway, but they may take it more seriously if it comes from him.
I agree with pps to plan and pay for your own, and to be very clear with whoever you plan on inviting that you are the hosts, not FILs, and that any invitations/plans should come from you.
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Expert June 2019
Lauren · on January 21, 2018 at 11:59 AM
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FH needs to check his parents. He needs to be the one to talk to them and if necessary tell them that you both no longer want them to pay/plan for the rehearsal dinner
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Devoted May 2018
Kaitlin · on January 21, 2018 at 12:02 PM
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I agree with PP, have your FH tell them you guys don’t want that kind of RD for YOUR wedding and you will be taking over from here and paying for it. It is YOUR wedding not hers and therefore it’s not HER part of the wedding. If she wanted to pay and was respecting your wishes that would be a different story. Maybe FH and his dad can still play ball, but not for the RD.
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Devoted June 2018
Michelle · on April 15, 2018 at 3:04 AM
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What was the outcome?
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