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Just Said Yes November 2019

Ugh, Sister!

Deanna, on October 18, 2019 at 1:12 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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I am getting married extemely fast since my mother has taken ill and my fiance and I would absolutely want her a part of our wedding day. That being said, I have one sister. She and I have never gotten along and having since moved out of my parents house after college, she has gotten worse. She is incorrigible and I truly think that she would do something on the wedding day (not wear the dress, argue with makeup artist and hair artist, have a “panic attack” about walking in front of people). I never wanted her to be in my wedding party but my mom said it was really important to her. That being said, my sister made a scene already when getting her dress (I let my bridesmaid choose their styles for the most part with the same color). It was embarrassing to be honest. She is just very immature and threw a tantrum when I said she couldn’t have a lace dress when my wedding dress is completely lace. Today my mother got to try on some dresses at home that her friend had picked up for her. My sister was doing her nails the entire time and would make comments sarcastically that it’s my wedding. I really don’t want her in my wedding and I talked to my mom about her attitude and my mom said to “not give her so much power to ruin your wedding”. I am frustrated and the more I talk about it with my fiance, the more I want to cry. I feel like I’m being selfish because I want her to be happy and not her normal sourpuss attitude. I am truly thinking of telling her she is no longer a bridesmaid. Thoughts?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Deanna, on October 18, 2019 at 1:38 PM

Dedicated October 2019
Katherine · on October 18, 2019 at 5:19 AM
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You think her attitude would improve by being excluded? I don’t. I think she’ll be there and in a worse attitude than she would be normally... and hold a grudge for a generation. I’d just try having an adult conversation. “I’ve noticed you don’t seem happy to be in my wedding lately. You are normally so supportive, I wanted to see if you would like to discuss anything.”
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 18, 2019 at 8:52 AM
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I agree with PP that she will likely not be better if she is just a guest. I would try having a one on one adult conversation with her and reminding her that this is a very special day for you and that with your mother being so sick you really want it to be the best day possible and would ask that she keep her comments and her attitude in check for just that one day. If nothing else maybe she will respect your mother enough to do that for you
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Dedicated March 2020
Holly · on October 18, 2019 at 12:47 PM
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I agree with PPs. You definitely need to have a conversation with her. Maybe remind her how important this is for you and your mom. Ask her if she can help you make the day go smoothly for your mom's sake. I agree that I wouldn't necessarily remove her from being a bridesmaid. I feel like that would make things worse between you and your sister, as well as upset your mom. Best of luck!
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on October 18, 2019 at 1:29 PM
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Your mom is right— you’re giving her too much power over your emotions. If she’s causing a scene, it should be embarrassing to her, not you— she’s only embarrassing herself. The only way she can ruin your day is if you let her get to you. Stop stressing her behavior— If she acts foolish, that’s on her. If she doesn’t show up in the right color, she can sit with the guests. I know it’s easier said than done but the solution is within you: you have to try not to let her behavior bother you so much. Ignore what you can. I have a “do not engage” rule with terrible people. Instead of letting them rile me up to get a reaction out of me, I simply move past it. Sounds like she knows how to push your buttons and since you can’t stop her from pushing, you have to adjust your reaction instead. She can only ruin your day if you let your day be ruined by her.

but, the bridesmaid shop has sailed. If you didn’t want her in your wedding, you shouldn’t have asked her , and once you have— it is too late to turn back. You’ll make her upset and angry and with reason to cause a scene if you revoke the position, nor to mention how much it seeks like it would hurt your mom— you’re doing so much for her sake, what is it worth to go back and upset her, since you’ve only included your sister because she wanted you too— that hasn’t and won’t change.
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Just Said Yes November 2019
Deanna · on October 18, 2019 at 1:38 PM
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I agree that she makes a scene and embarrasses only herself but I was forced to ask her to be a bridesmaid after my mother had told her she was going to be one. I am going to have a conversation with her but she has always ruined every special occasion whether for me or my mother. For mother's day this past year she refused to go to the breakfast when I tried to include her on planning it. Every family vacation she chooses to bail on the last minute and it's honestly so frustrating. We are seven years apart and she is adopted--which is the root of the issue. To be honest, she never speaks to me at all and at this point, I think having her in the wedding is tainting the water. I don't know why it's so radical that I want to have people who love me in my wedding party when she has multiple times told me she hates me and my mother is the only thing keeping her 'nice' to me.
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