Two showers?

Have you talked to your fiance to explain how your feeling? Maybe he could talk to his family and kindly tell them you don't want two showers.

It should be noted that it is has normally been the bridesmaids who plan and host the bridal shower. The mother of the bride is not generally supposed to host it. The idea here is that this is party for those who have been friends and family of the bride. I'm not sure what to say when the groom's side wants to host something. It really isn't the same type of event, especially with people you don't know.

Here's a site that may be interesting :

Who's Really Responsible for Hosting the Bridal Shower? (southernliving.com)

While the Wedding Wire article takes a slightly more "modern" view:

Who Throws the Bridal Shower? Here Are All of the Options. (weddingwire.com)

Neither one of these suggests that a bridal shower should involve one's own mother.

I understand about not wanting to have 2 bridal showers. The one thing I would consider is the cost of having a smaller bridal shower. Maybe the host can’t afford to have all of your fiancés family attend the bridal shower. It seems like your future MILs want to foot the bill to invite the extended family.


Also, I’m trying to find the silver linings in all of this. Maybe your first bridal shower with your girlfriends can be more youthful and you can talk about stuff you wouldn’t discuss with your future mother in law, like, bridal lingerie.
Maybe you can have your fiancé come to the family bridal shower and have him be a buffet since it will be a lot of ppl you don’t know. You can play a who knows who better game and you can open a few presents together?

But of course, if you really don’t want to have a bridal shower with his family, I would say something. First discuss with your fiancé and have him talk to his mom about it. It’s his mom afterall.

Good luck!!!

Buffer*****

Is there a reason you can’t just combine them?

I think It’s so so so sweet that you have so many people and family surrounding you who want to celebrate the legal union of you and your future hubby 💕 but all that sounds definitely like too much too deal with specially if they do not know where you’re coming from and how this might be affecting you. You could just be upfront and say things like how appreciative you are and how much you appreciate them for being present in your life but you absolutely would appreciate having a small get together with your friends, and leave the family gathering for the day of the wedding. I understand that weddings are all about family and what not but I definitely chose to not have a bridal party (because I didn’t want to deal with people/ family feeling left out). Instead, I am having a longer wedding celebration. More like a whole week of having both families together in an Airbnb before, during, and after the ceremony (Send prayers) 😂
Best of luck!!

I'm kind of confused as to how there ends up being two showers. Maybe just have the shower your fiance's family throws you as the only one. Your friends can certainly still attend the shower thrown by his family, as well as any other guests you would want to invite.