Two Bridal Showers? WWYD

A few weeks ago, my dad’s girlfriend asked me if it would be alright if she planned her own bridal shower for me instead of working with my mom on the coed bridal shower. I asked why because I really don't want to have two separate bridal showers. Apparently, my mom took my sisters phone and started texting my dad’s GF pretending to be my sister. She didn’t say anything bad to her, it was comparable to when FH is driving and I, with him knowing, respond to a text for him. Dads GF asked my sister if she knew my mom had taken her phone and sis said no, but my sis is known by me to not be fully truthful. (she is 14) But now, my dad’s GF now feels uncomfortable working with my mom.

My issues with separating the showers: 1) dads GF wants to plan this for January, 2 out of 3 girls in the party will be out of town and not able to make it (even if they were in town I don’t think they would be invited because they are both my cousins on my mom’s side)

2) Only my dad’s side of the family/friends would be invited since it would be weird (their words not mine) to host my mother’s family in their home.

3) 19 people would be invited but I know only 6 of them would show up since most are from out of town. Most of them are only being invited out of courtesy since my dad is paying for some of the wedding. I’m not sure a bridal shower with only 6 people is worth the hassle. (btw, those 6 guests are including myself, my dad’s GF, and my MOH.)

How do I tell my dad’s GF not to worry about throwing me a shower? My mom has no issues hosting my dad’s family. She planned on renting a hall or space in a restaurant anyways so dads family didn’t feel weird about being in my mother’s home. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or seem like I don’t appreciate it, but I also don’t want to be in a weird situation where I am sitting in a room of MAYBE 6 people (me, dads GF, MOH, my grandma, dads GF’s mom, and a family friend) when they all could have just been invited to the coed shower as originally planned by my mom.

What would you do?

Just respectfully decline. Say "hey dad's GF, I'm so honored that you want to throw me a shower, but my mom's got it covered! Hope to see you there!!"

Honestly I would just let them have it. My shower is only going to be about 10 people (long story). They want to give you what they think you deserve and the wedding party does not need to be at both.

You could ask for just a low key dinner with your dads GF in lieu of a shower. That way she still gets to plan something but it's not going to be as awkward.

I would just let it go. Where I grew up in the South, it was very common for the bride to have multiple showers. Not a big deal. I would let each plan the shower and graciously thank them for their efforts.

Multiple showers doesn't seem like a big deal to me. My sister went to one that was thrown by her husbands parents church. Didn't have her wedding there or even in that town but they were all very kind and generous.

People love you! They want to shower you with love. Let them.

This is why I had no showers....they just seem like drama. Good luck OP.

I'm from the south, where most brides have far more than 1 shower. If you are okay with the second shower in reference to the family issues, accept. If the family stuff, not the thought of a 2nd shower, is what's getting you down, I'd respectfully decline.

I feel like its more of a "you made me feel uncomfortable so now the bride to be has to pay for it."

I actually had two showers because my family lived on the other side if the country. They threw it as a surprise when I was visiting. The other one was local friends and DH's family and I knew about that one ahead of time.

I don't see an issue with having separate showers if the guest lists are different. It also could be nice to have an intimate celebration with the special people on your dad's side, and you could invite your FMIL to also come to the second shower, if she's available, to spend time with your dad's people. I also want throw it out there that while it's customary to invite BMs and mom's to all the showers if there are multiple showers being thrown, these VIPs aren't obligated to attend all of them. I don't see two BMs being unable to attend the second shower as a prohibitive factor. I actually had my MOH at my surprise shower, one BM at my local shower (she was hosting), and my other two BMs didn't attend either shower. They all lived in different states. If any BP members or FMIL were to decide to attend both showers, they wouldn't be obligated to bring a gift to each one.

All that said about two showers not being a bad thing...if you truly don't want to have a special celebration with your dad's side that his gf plans, that's okay. You can simply tell her that you appreciate the offer, but would really like to have everyone together at one shower.

Jesus these people are so incredibly immature.

"I will only be attending one shower. Please put your petty childish issues aside for me so that I can enjoy this." That's what I'd say.

It is not at all uncommon to have more than one shower, as long as the guest lists don't overlap. I wouldn't worry about he bridal party being unable to attend. I would never expect anyone to travel for a shower, especially the BM's who are already going to be traveling for your wedding.

With a guest list of 6, you could have a lovely luncheon, rather than a typical afternoon shower with light refreshments.

My BM's are all in the same town but will be out of town at the time dads gf is planning the shower. Besides that, when i said i was adding them to the guest list NOTHING was said and they were not acknowledged. So i figured it wouldn't be accepted.

i understand having more than one bridal shower is common but i don't see why i need to be the one to feel the repercussion for something not that big of a deal.

Should i show dads gf the guest list and explain to her the people i know would not come (and not expecting them to come) due to being 3 - 5 hours away?

If you didn't want one shower, I'm sure you don't want two

Just tell her you appreciate the kindness, but your mom is doing the shower and you hope she joins. But also ask her to host a celebration dinner so you can celebrate with your dad as well. Give her something to plan