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mmbrake28
Expert August 2018

Two Bridal Showers? Family Dilemma

mmbrake28, on May 14, 2018 at 3:39 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20
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So, I've kind of left FH's family out of the wedding planning (his mom and two sisters) ONLY because they are very, very opinionated people and I already have a hard time making decisions. Plus, I'm a people-pleaser, and I didn't want to agree to something that I know I didn't love only because I am afraid of hurting other people's feelings. So I kept the planning to just me and my mom. They have been a bit offended, but I think they just accepted it as time went on.


WELL, at a family get-together, FH's sisters caught me off guard and asked if they could plan my bridal shower. Of course I was flattered, and they ARE good party planners, so I just said yes and was excited that they thought of me. They already booked a cute little venue that can fit up to 40 people and are ordering invitations through Etsy. I told my mom about it, and she got really offended, and said that her and my younger sister wants to throw me and FH a couple's shower.


I don't want to offend either side because they both seem really excited. My mom/sister wants to throw us a shower in late June and my future SILs want to throw me one at the beginning of July. Both are dead set, and I think I'll only offend them if I try to persuade them to join them into one shower.


How can I do this? Who do I invite to each shower? I feel like I don't know THAT many people to have 2 showers, and I don't want it to look like I'm doing a shower for his side of the family and a shower for my side. I want everyone to mingle with each other and act as one family.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Danielle, on May 15, 2018 at 7:43 PM
  • T
    Expert September 2018
    Tia_Fred ·
    • Flag
    I would try to talk to them and explain how u feel and ask them would they mind doing it together or u can invite his sides family that shower and ur side of the family to ur moms shower and invite half and half of friends to each
    • Reply
  • Ashley B.
    Devoted August 2019
    Ashley B. ·
    • Flag
    2 showers are perfectly fine and pretty common. If you don’t want it to seem like only one side is invited to their respected sides shower then you could always invite both sides to each shower. Is that an option for you?
    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    Angela ·
    • Flag
    I am having 2 bridal showers because my future mother in law lives out of state and will only be here for 1 weekend so she is throwing me one for her family and then my maid of honor is throwing me one
    • Reply
  • ISaidHallYes
    VIP November 2018
    ISaidHallYes ·
    • Flag

    I would honestly let them both have the shower even if that means a small guest list at each. It is not unusual for families to each host a shower if they want to. I think thats your best bet to avoid any drama.

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Dedicated May 2018
    Bianca ·
    • Flag

    I had two showers. My FMIL threw me one in FH hometown for his family and then my mother threw me one in my hometown for mine.

    • Reply
  • P
    Super January 2019
    PalmTrees ·
    • Flag
    Two showers is totally normal. I’d let them throw you one and then your side can throw you one with other attendees.
    • Reply
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
    • Flag

    I'm having two showers! One in PA in my hometown with my family (MOH is planning) and FH and I are having a couples shower where we live in FL with his side of the family and our friends. We also had/have multiple people wanting to throw us showers and this was a great way to accommodate everyone.

    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag

    Nothing wrong with having 2 showers. Since your mom knows of the other plans, let your FMIL know as well then stay out of it. If they decide to combine efforts, that's up to them. Otherwise they can each invite the family/friends from their side (in addition to BM's) and call it a day.

    • Reply
  • Jen
    VIP July 2018
    Jen ·
    • Flag

    I think 2 showers are just fine! Your in-laws can include their family and friends and your Mom/sister and include their family/friends. You friends/wedding party can just select which one works best for their schedules. I don't think this is uncommon and it always happens in my family.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    It is usually considered poor etiquette for the mother of the bride to host a bridal shower due to it appearing gift grabby. It's sweet of his family to offer to throw you a shower and since you have chosen to exclude them from other parts of wedding planning accepting their offer might help your future family feel more included.
    • Reply
  • GoodMOB
    April 2018
    GoodMOB ·
    • Flag

    Two showers, one for each side of the family, are pretty normal and expected. That's fine. Invite friends to whichever one seems most convenient for them.

    • Reply
  • K
    Expert September 2018
    Kate ·
    • Flag
    I'm having two. My father's family and mom are throwing them. They're actually one day apart lol I'm sticking to inviting my mom's family to hers and my dad's to my dad's side. I have more family on my mom's side so FH family will go to my dad's side. And the bridal party, like mom, grandma and sister will be at both.
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    The "mother of the bride not hosting a shower" is old etiquette from the time when brides lived at home until they married. It was deemed gift grabby if the Mom hosted a shower because it helped the bride move out of hr mother's home. That has changed since brides began living on their own or with their FH before marriage.

    Having 2 showers is very common. The only error would be in inviting the same guests to more than one shower (the moms and bridal party excluded). You can give your FMIL a guest list of relatives and your Mom can host your friends. Easy peasy.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I guess it is to each her own and whatever etiquette a person feels comfortable following. I personally feel more comfortable with having a bridal party member throw a shower than my parents but again, it depends on what etiquette a person chooses to follow.

    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
    • Flag

    Each shower doesn't need to be huge. Invite your family to the one your mom/sister are throwing and FH's family to the one his side is throwing.

    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
    • Flag
    Your mom shouldn't be offended someone wants to throw you a shower, she should be excited for you and want to be a guest.

    Have your FHs family host your 1 shower. Your mom can do a bridal brunch or something else if she really wants to host.
    Traditionally your mom shouldn't throw a shower anyway, you can always fall back on that.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Could your mom through more of an engagement/couples shower and your FMIL the bridal shower? Or vice versa? Then you could invite men & women to the first one, and just women to the second one. Or could your FMIL involve your mom more? Maybe your mom does the food & games & decor since she's done the venue & invites? You could just specify on one invitation you don't want gifts or something if you have two? Or have 2 small ones with different people.

    • Reply
  • Mac2Bee
    Devoted September 2018
    Mac2Bee ·
    • Flag

    It is perfectly ok to have 2 showers!


    FH's mom and sisters offered to host a shower after my mom and sister. My stepmom also offered. I am ending up with 3 showers but all 3 are very different with 3 different groups of people invited. My suggestion is to try and do a bit of a theme if possible. My dad's family, who has long-lasting issues with my mom, is incredibly traditional so it is a standard wedding shower with games and all. FH's family really wanted to hold a personal shower focused on honoring me. My mom and sister were pretty insistent on a couple's shower so we are having a Stock the bar shower. Since that one is last, I removed all bar items from the registry and will put those back on to make it easier for them. I even made a registry specific to the personal shower.


    Was this difficult to navigate? At first, yes. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and it seemed like my mom was most likely to get hurt. I was able to work through it with her and make everything work out. None of the showers are large. My first one had an invite list of 20, second had an invite list of 12, and I haven't done the invite list for the couple's shower but it will be a bit larger.

    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Savvy June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    I've heard of people having more than one. Especially since your FH family has already booked a venue, it would be hard to ask them to revoke that. In this case it might be best to go with the flow but make it clear that you're going to attend both, maybe make one more casual and one more formal? You could invite both families to both as well for another chance to mingle?

    • Reply

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