Turning down offer from Dad

I'd just say something like:
Thanks for offering, but your attendance is more than enough, I look forward to seeing you at the wedding.
And leave it at that.

Perhaps he’s not offering money with strings attached but feels guilty for not having a great relationship with you and is trying.

Maybe say something like “Wow, dad I wasn’t expecting it and it’s not necessary because I’m just happy you’ll be at our wedding as a guest. Can we talk about this?” Then you can explain that you’re having a smallish wedding with no relatives from his side of the family.

I agree with PP on this one. If he insists on the offer, than you should take it. He may not mean it as a way to hold it over your head or to make you feel guilty, but as a sign of showing his support to you and you FH.

PS You can also graciously accept his gift but hold it in a separate account (don’t use towards wedding yet). If he makes demands like inviting his family and you say no, you can offer to give his money back. From what you shared I do think he’s trying trying to be supportive in a way he knows how.

View Quoted Comment That’s a great idea! I have yet to respond, but feel like he will push me to take it. I think that he may also be trying to make amends by offering financial support and don’t want to think ill of his intentions. However, id rather be cautious then say “okay! Thanks!” Spend it, and then have something happen, as I’ve seen so often happens with weddings... if that makes sense 😪

View Quoted Comment

I agree! Think positive thoughts, thank him for his generosity, and let him know how happy you are he will be there to share in your wedding. If any requests or questions from him come up, you can address politely at that time. You know, if he's not walking you down the aisle you can bring that up by offering him something else like "Dad, I'll be walking down the aisle with mom/by myself but I would love to do the father-daughter dance with you at the reception... only if you're interested in that." He may be honored to be included in some way. Or he may decline but will appreciate you invited him.

I wouldn't take his money if you feel there are ulterior motives or feel guilty for taking money. I would go with what Kelly said. It's good if he is genuinely trying but there are other ways to "make up" for things and he can always verbalize his desires if that's the case. Sometimes people don't realize when they break trust, it takes time to rebuild it and that's if the person who was hurt wants to do that. It's perfectly OK to not want any more family drama or future obligations.

P.S. Ask the photographer to take a few photos of you & your dad. My parents have been divorced for over a decade and my dad is fine having a family photo with him and my mom it, but my photographer snapped a few of me joking around with my dad and they turned out awesome! I'm not super close to him but I know he appreciated those moments at my wedding and I later made a photo book for each parent and was able to customize pages with more photos of them/us without the other parent. Your dad may love a framed photo of just you two, or one with you & your hubby & him, along with a "Thank You" note for his wedding gift to you.

In my experience, money almost always comes with strings, even if the giver doesn't say this or know it at the start. Your instincts to politely decline are good ones. Trust your gut and everything will go much smoother.

My dad has been in (when it’s convenient for him) and out of my life since I was ten. So we aren’t super close but I can say that with age, he has made more of an effort to be in contact with my siblings and I. Perhaps he finally sees what he has been missing and feels guilty. Either way I try to make the best of it because someday my children will ask me about my dad and I want to have something good to say about him. So try to be open with your communication. He may be ready to make peace. If my dad were in a position to offer me money, I’d take it (because I haven’t seen a penny since I was a kid) but rather than spend it on the wedding, tell him thanks for paying for the honeymoon! Then there is no need to expand the guest list. I invited my dads side of the family as an olive branch. My peace offering went out the window as they all declined the invitation today. So some miserable people will take themselves right out of the equation so you don’t even have to do it. Good luck.