Hey Guys...
First off- I am SO SORRY for this. This is going to be a longggg post.
I was looking for advice on the best way to go about this. Well over a year ago, I gave everyone gift boxes asking them to be part of my bridal party. I have a matron of honor, man of honor, 3 bridesmaids and a bridesman. My wedding is a couple months away, and I feel like I need to upgrade one of my bridesmaids to the title of maid of honor.
My matron of honor lives on the other side of the country. I thought it was good to pick her as she was my partner in crime for years, and I was her maid of honor last year when she married. (She got engaged and married three weeks after engagement...I did a lot for this event, despite facing some own personal challenges... but that's for a whole other story and I suppose besides the point. I was happy to do it.) In October I learned that she got pregnant, which is awesome. She really has been wanting to have a child, and I know once you get pregnant the thing that always should come first is your child. My Man of Honor, though very caring and sweet, is not good at planning, has extreme social anxiety and doesn't really know how to help, nor asks to help in any way.
I am one of those girls that wanted to have a bachelorette party. It's in NOLA, and when I made the plans for this I tried to make it as clear as possible that I wasn't expecting people to come. I know it's a lot of money, and I know its not everyone's scene- I basically am using this as an excuse to go somewhere I've always wanted to go. If only one person came that would have been fine with me. I didn't want to make any part of my wedding a burden for my friends. Off the bat, everyone was super gung-ho about it and wanted to go. After a few months, people started dropping out which was cool. In November/December I sent a mass text asking if everyone was okay with certain dates. I picked bachelorette dates according to MOH's spring break so she wouldn't have to take off of work. Everyone was cool with the dates. A month later I bought a house, and asked everyone before I bought it if the amount per person seemed reasonable. Everyone agreed to it. To make a long story short, people weren't sending me money and no one was saying anything to me a few months after I bought the house. My one friend who's a bridesmaid took it upon herself to start sending out mass text messages bc she was concerned about me not getting my money from everyone. In under a month, what was supposed to be a house for 10-12 people became a house for only 5. I don't care that people backed out but I do care that they couldnt have figured this out when I asked the first few times originally. I could have purchased a much smaller house. I'm basically out a thousand dollars and I havent even purchased flights or gone out yet.
So, my one friend has been so on top of this. She's been looking at flights, and I learned texting people to try to plan things for me without me even asking her which is so, so sweet. I know my matron of honor isn't going to come...she is pregnant, and she also hasn't sent me any money. But she also hasn't responded to any of the mass texts my friend put out there, and hasn't reached out to tell me she's not coming. She literally hasn't said a thing about it. Later this week, I'm going to have to reach out just to ask if shes coming bc its weird for me to leave for the trip without ever discussing this with her and pretending like the whole situation doesn't exist. (At least I think it is.) It bothers me that I have to flag her down to get an answer, especially since she knows I'm not going to react in a negative way. I just want the respect of being told "I'm not coming." We have spoken but its been all jokes and me asking if she feels ok and how pregnancy is and etc. Tbh, I don't really know what she's going to do to contribute b/c she's not coming to the bridal shower and a part of me wonders if she will actually make it to the wedding. Her baby is due in July and my wedding is the beginning of May. I know sometimes they tell ppl not to fly on their third trimester. And if she doesn't mail back a reply card I feel like I may lose my mind lol. (So this girl is naturally flaky and very, very avoidant...but i never thought she would be this way with me! We've been friends for 15 years.)
But if she does come...she doesn't feel comfortable making a speech and I know my man of honor won't either. So I'm going to ask my bridesmaid who has been doing everything. My Mom even mentioned that she has been super helpful and communicative with her. So...
I want to ask my 1 bridesmaid if she will be my maid of honor. I feel like it's only right to give her a better title. I am so grateful for all that she's done and is doing. But how would I go about doing this after I already gave her a propsal a year ago? I am buying gifts for my bridal party for the day of the wedding and paying off all the vendor invoices so I'm not exactly rolling in it to do something extravagant, but I feel like I need to do something. Should I take her out to dinner? Does this seem weird to do?
Thanks for reading 
