Tuesday wedding - how to decline?

Be honest and say you cannot attend due to unable to take time off.

Can your husband attend without you?

If you can't, you can't. I would feel bad too, but I don't think you should feel obligated to go.

@VC I am hoping so - although a little hard to say now since he is job hunting and will hopefully be under different policies by then. In any case I definitely feel like he should if he can. Sorry this turned into more of a vent I was just kind of taken aback and do feel guilty.

It's understandable not being to attend. My friend got married but it was DW and they asked me to be a part of the wedding party but I had to decline as I just bought my first house and money was tighter back then.

I still feel guilty even after almost 10 years later as they were in my wedding party and very helpful etc.

Could you possibly visit on a weekend sometime before the wedding and take her and her SO out to dinner? A Tuesday wedding I'm sure she is expecting declines, especially with the distance. I would see if I could visit sometime before hand and spend time with her and celebrate separately yourselves.

Hosting a wedding in the middle of the week they should be expecting people to not be able to make it. I understand that you feel obligated since she is in your wedding, but I would just be honest. I would not take time off for a Tuesday wedding.

@brieliz very solid idea there, thanks! I will look into that

She should understand it is so soon after your wedding that it will be hard for you to take time off. Just be up front.

I have this fear. I recently discovered a dear friend of mine from high school is getting married almost exactly a month after me, so I am prepared to hear that she will be unable to attend my wedding since it is unlikely she will be able to get time off from her job where she lives in another state to attend my wedding, and also take time off and afford to travel back up north for her own wedding a month later. However, I am thankful she is having her wedding up this way where both she and her fiance are from so that I can at least attend her wedding.

Since this friend is the grooms Bestwoman, I am sure that with knowing how close in timet hey are, and with planning her own wedding and being aware of the expenses she will be very understanding if you are open and honest with her that it is simply due to not being able to get additional time off to travel so far, so soon after your own wedding.

Let her know you can't attend. I would also send a gift.

If you have to work, you have to work. That's why Tuesday and Wednesday weddings are so hard. They aren't anywhere near a weekend, and if you aren't local, you have to take time off.

I am in the OU here but I think you should attend. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her to make the 850 mile trip to be in your wedding and since she's also getting married, she has the same issue with vacation time (although perhaps not as much) but still, I'm sure she wanted to do things 6 weeks before her wedding other than attending your wedding as a member of your party, whatever time she had to take off to do that, I'm sure she too wanted to save it for her HM. I'd honor her and do it as she has honored you and FH.

Just be honest that you can't take work off on a Tuesday. Lots of people would have that problem

I would definitely send a gift though.

@katie - that makes no sense they did that. Seems like a gift grab to me. It's pretty obvious people need more than 8 weeks notice to attend an international DW lol

Could you fly in the morning of and then take a super early flight the Wednesday morning out and still make it to work? Flying 850 miles seems doable on a work morning. Obviously a bummer since I am sure you would want to explore the locale but then you would only miss one day of work. She seems very important to you and FH and I haven't heard you mention any budgetary reasons for not going.

Also, if FH has this planned and gets a job, he should be able to disclose it before he accepts the offer and take the time off as unpaid days (at a minimum, if he starts with vacation they may allow that as well).

@futurefuji we are frequent travelers so it's true we in all likelihood have a decent enough budget to fly. If that ends up being a feasible option we will do what we can!

Thanks all for the feedback. Somehow this stress hit me hard when I heard but it is just nice to hear other people thinking through it reasonably.

I agree with Mrs. Fiji, if you really wanted to attend, you could fit it all in by taking a day and a half off. Fly in the morning, leave the next morning, go back to work.

I feel like if someone has a wedding on a Tuesday, they should know that there will be many declines especially from anyone out of town. Simply explaining what you said to us should be sufficient.

I would just decline...