Trying to get enough motivation to confront my mom

Mom is being unreasonable. If you are adults you do not need parental permission or blessings. Let them know your plans and leave it at that. You can even do it over the phone.

If your dad could help with the situation and help maybe calm your mom down then I would definitely talk to him first and get his advice and then approach your mom and dad together. I agree with not having your fiance there if your mom is going to cause an even bigger scene. I have relatives like that as well so I totally understand. I really hope it all works out! If she really loves you she will get over it

THIS.

If you anticipate that she doesn't want him there, that's because she thinks she'll have more leverage and power over you alone.

Don't give in to this.

And if she throws a fit, walk out. She's a grown adult, you don't have to put up with toddler antics from her.

While I would have been completely mortified if my fiancé didn't ask for my parent's blessing, not permission - I can't say how I would feel if my parents didn't care for my fiancé or respect my relationship from the start. I would probably care a lot less about their blessing for my marriage if they openly disrespected the relationship.

But I do think that you and your fiancé, definitely your fiancé too, should sit down with them as adults and have the tough discussion. You need to avoid leaving him out of any conversation, especially since your mother doesn't want to recognize you two as adults - the best thing you can do is present yourself as adults who are committed to one another.

While I totally understand that you definitely don't need your parents permission to get married, and this might not be a popular opinion, there must be a particular reason that your parents don't like your fiancé. Growing up with 3 siblings, we all brought home significant others that the rest of us just knew deep down weren't right. Most of those relationships just ran their course and the family member finally understood what the rest of us saw when we first met them. But there was one boyfriend of my sister's that she just would not let go of. We all knew he was wrong for her, especially my mom. She gave my sister a hard time about the boyfriend. He was a nice enough guy, but there were red flags that she just wasn't seeing and we all wanted to protect her and help her see he wasn't right. While we all supported her and the relationship, she saw that we all just weren't a fan of the guy. It took a while, but she realized that she didn't want to be in a relationship that her family didn't love. After this she met a guy 10x better than the last and they are so happy! I know it's different for all families, but they can see what you might not see at first or for a while. I think it might be worth sitting down with your mom and discussing what exactly her issues are and whether or not they can be fixed. And if they can't, you're relationship with your parents might be rocky after the wedding.