Troubled about wedding and future???

What does he plan to do when his savings run out? Rely on you to support him? I’d be hitting pause on the wedding plans until this gets sorted out. You’re not being unreasonable in wanting him to have a job.

View Quoted Comment Sorry I was a little unclear. He is trying to get a job but his degree isn’t really useful unless he goes back to his old line of work which he doesn’t want to do. I don’t want to talk down about like fast food or retail but that’s where he’s applying and I’m fine with that short term but it worries me that he doesn’t have a career plan.

Not unreasonable. Don’t let love goggles blind you from reality (I think, based on you asking, you are not).
It doesn’t matter who makes more - and sometimes someone has to give up a job to raise kids - but at this point? I’d be concerned.
You can’t necessarily fault him for taking 4 months to find a job. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a while. However, him saying he won’t accept something he’s got experience with? To me that would be the problem.

Realistically if you want your future husband to be able to support your family, yes he needs to get a job. It’s not just about the monthly income which is obviously important but also benefits and retirement. I’ve been there done that supporting a long-term boyfriend and even though I loved him I was so unhappy. I think it’s a good idea like pp said to push the pause button and get this sorted out.

My fh lost his job due to his plant closing and it took about 6 months to find something steady. He tried one job and was unsuccessful and then he was trying to find himself and what he wanted to do. It was hard and trying on our relationship. We eventually hit a point where I had to let him know I couldn't take care of us on my salary anymore and he needs to take something. I would talk to him and express your concerns because after our situation we both realized the importance of saving buy I told him he can never handle this situation again. Do you two live together? Maybe let him know that how he's handling this will impact you both once married and that it is concerning. Maybe he's emotionally going through something and he needs to be open. Your concern is valid and maybe you hold off on wedding planning before moving on.

If his degree is useless and he needs more schooling, then he should be applying for school. My fiancé went back to school at 50 and works full time. We’re willing to sacrifice him going full time student and work part time but we have a plan. When he was screwing around and told him to crap or get off. It was I love you no matter what but have a plan and stick with it. He got it together and focused. Your guy need to as well.

Since I dont know your future husband..my only. Advice is go with your gut.

You’re not being unreasonable at all! A wedding is literally planning for a commitment for the future - that’s what marriage is. Not wanting to plan the wedding while your fiancé’s future seems so up in the air seems more than normal. If he doesn’t know what he wants to do, that effects your life as well and your future.

You are not being unreasonable . I think there is a natural fear for the unknown

Unless, together, your plan is for you to be the sole breadwinner and for him to stay at home, I would feel VERY strongly that he needs to have a plan. It might be a plan that requires additional school or training, while he works part-time, but a concrete plan, nonetheless. Is he depressed? Getting laid off, especially with a major life event like a wedding on the horizon, can definitely be overwhelming. Is he doing okay? Have the two of you been able to talk about his options and how he feels about them? Does he have access to some career counseling? (The career center at his alma mater may provide career counseling services.) For me, it would be critical that my spouse had a clear path to a job/career that would provide for a substantial contribution to our family income. If he seems at a loss about what to do next, I agree with pps about considering postponing the wedding until you both feel more confident about your future plans. Good luck! I'm so sorry, I'm sure this is very stressful for you both....

My FH and I split up for eight months (with ZERO intention of getting back together!!) because he had zero drive to do anything after getting out of the navy. I supported us on my salary alone for four years and then told him to get his life together or get out of my house. After eight months he reached out to me and apologized and we went to counseling and now we're getting married (two years after the split) in September!

Sometimes you just need to kick them out to get their attention!

If he is depressed he’s hiding it very well because he seems completely unbothered by his lack of ambition. For the majority of the day he is in his recliner watching YouTube videos just wasting the day, and he’s 25 (I’m 28) so there’s a maturity difference but come on. He does have a decent amount in savings but not enough to last the year. He did just pay $4k for our honeymoon so I’m not sure how I can justify putting off the wedding. I didn’t come from money so any amount spend on me automatically makes me feel guilty.

Thanks for your comments and advice everyone it was really helpful. Update: we talked and he’s going back to school in August.