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Just Said Yes October 2019

Tricky Situation with fmil

Hallobride2019, on June 4, 2019 at 9:58 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 11
A few weeks ago I met my FMIL for lunch to catch up and discuss some wedding things. (My Fiance and I have been together for 9.5 years so we know each other very well). She had a few requests for the wedding, one of which was that she be walked down the aisle by my fiance and his father/her husband. My mother has difficulty walking and we had discussed not including mothers in the procession, but I said that it would be okay as my mother is so go with flow about everything.

Thing is, my FMIL will absolutely, 100% not physically be able to walk down the aisle without an incredible struggle and making a scene. She is very obese and has related breathing difficulties and has had recent falls. She uses a motorized scooter when she goes shopping and needs to be picked up/dropped off at the entrance of stores and restaurants. The aisle at the church we are marrying in is VERY long and she knows this. Just last evening we went out to eat, and she had trouble with about a 20 yrd walk, having to stop every few feet to lean on cars to catch her breath. On the day of the wedding, she'll have already had a strenuous day with pictures, climbing up to the trolley, etc. She is well aware of her limitations, but she also loves to be the center of attention and would completely risk causing a massive scene to have her 5 min. We are both only children, so I completely understand why this is important to her. But, we should be able to enjoy our wedding day without worrying if we are going to need an ambulance on standby. I am a nurse, and I've seen how quickly she deteriorates, requiring medical attention. I really don't want to end up at my work on my wedding day when it's completely avoidable 🤷‍♀️. My fiance agrees, but we are concerned with bringing this up with her. She is VERY sensitive and tends to take everything as a slight. She can act very childish, pouting and giving the cold shoulder.

Where both of our mothers have difficulty walking, we figured it would be easier to have them seated ahead of the procession, so that they are comfortable and able to fully enjoy the ceremony without having to recover from their journey down the aisle. My mother is fine with anything, she just wants us to be happy!

Anyone ever experience a similar issue? Any suggestions on an alternative to make her feel special without having her cause a scene or very avoidable medical crisis on our special day? Thank you! 😊

11 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on June 5, 2019 at 11:43 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    ....does she have a walker or anything that she can use as a walking aid? My dad has mobility concerns due to his spine and can only walk short distances. He is probably going to have his walker when he and my mom walk me down the aisle. Maybe that can help her get down the aisle?

    Another option you have is not having your fiance as part of the processional. Plenty of people have the groom and groomsmen just walk in on the side and not walk down the aisle. You can be like "oh shucks, we would love to, but the groom's not walking down the aisle!" 🤷‍♀️
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  • Jessica
    Dedicated August 2019
    Jessica ·
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    Can someone push her in a wheelchair?
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    Is there something else you could do to recognize the mothers? Is there a short mothers prayer that could be said at the start of the ceremony they could stand for and get that moment of attention?

    If found some other ideas here. Such as presenting each mother with a rose before the ceremony truly begins. https://www.insideweddings.com/news/planning-design/8-ways-to-honor-your-mom-at-the-wedding/2849/
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  • H
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Hallobride2019 ·
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    She doesn't normally use any mobility devices, even though they've been encouraged. She has a tendency to be stubborn and ignore any advice or suggestions which can be very frustrating. She wants to be "normal" and walk down the aisle like she has seen at other weddings, which I understand. I just want it to be safe and enjoyable for all guests.
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  • H
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Hallobride2019 ·
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    Nice suggestion! I will look into it Smiley smile
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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    If all parents are already seated, can you have them each(moms) light “their” candle for a unity candle?(if you’re not planning on one it could be something small to add to include them) I know it’s not walking down the isle, but it could still make her feel included/special.
    Remember this is a special day for parents too. I didn’t fully realize that until I saw how happy my parents were on my wedding day.
    I hope you guys can come up with a plan that works for everyone.
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  • Pattie
    Expert June 2020
    Pattie ·
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    I love the idea of a mother blessing or prayer or unity candle. The solution of not having your groom and groomsmen walk down the isle and instead come from the wings might solve the issue too. Maybe suggest a mother son dance instead? Then you could have dj edit down the song and she can still have a special wedding moment with her son?
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  • H
    Just Said Yes October 2019
    Hallobride2019 ·
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    Thinking now of seeing if we can have at least FMIL enter from side door with groom/best man (childhood best friend with who she is very close to as well) to assist her, with her husband following behind. MUCH shorter walk, close to her seat, and she will still get that special moment with all eyes on her. Prob not to a unity candle, as much as I love the idea, due to time constraints.

    They do already have a special dance planned, where he and his mother will dance together, and then half way through, surprise his aunt (like a 2nd mom) to finish the dance!
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  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
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    I am concerned about this issue with my father. I had dinner with him last night and advised that the aisle is fairly long and hopefully he’ll make it without difficulty. He is possibly having bariatric surgery this summer so he may be better, but I have every intention of making sure there is a bottle of water for him waiting at his seat for when he sits down. I would discuss this with both the mothers and see what they would like to do and approach it like a health concern. They need to get down the aisle some way no matter what to get to their seats, even if it does take some time.
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Does she have a motorized chair, wheel chair, or walker she can use to get down the aisle? If she does, let her know you want her to utilized it so she doesn't get injured or have a hard time.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would probably just let her do it, and maybe have her practice at the rehearsal so she gets a true idea of what it will be like. Even if it's a scene, your guests will understand she is disabled in a sense and has a hard time walking but I'm sure will see the importance of it and honestly forget about it once the bride walks down the aisle.

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