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Savvy August 2021

Traveling Guests

Ally, on October 23, 2020 at 10:14 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

Hi everyone!
I wanted to see if anyone else has had a similar issue with only one side of the family having to travel?
So I am originally from MA and that's where all my family and friends live. My FH is from Pittsburgh, PA and his family is all here or in a few different states. Originally, we were going to have the wedding and then a reception in MA and then one in PA, so not too many people would have to travel. After we postponed, my future in laws decided we're not going to do the one down in PA, so we had to combine. The venue is in MA, relatively close to where 90% of my family and friends live. It is also now going to be a lot more people and more expensive than my parents were originally planning on paying for. They also didn't communicate with me about it, they told my FH then he told me. I told him they need to communicate to my parents that they decided to not do the one down here, which didn't end up happening I had to be the one to tell my parents, which they are fine with it, just the courtesy of having better communication would have been nice. (The communication on my FH's side of the family is HORRIBLE and drives me insane)

For my entire FH family and friends, they have to fly into Boston, then rent cars and drive an hour to the venue. The venue is a hotel and the venue in one, so once they get there they don't have to leave.

I feel bad about them having to pay so much and travel so much, when most of my family is local to the venue.

Has anyone done like gift bags for people who have to travel for the stay at the hotel? I just feel bad now they all have to spend so much to travel to come and want to do something for them to have for when they get to the hotel.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Hanna, on October 26, 2020 at 12:40 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Lots of people do welcome bags for destination weddings. If you’re doing a hotel block, which I would, you can have the hotel(s) hand them out as guests check in.
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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I am doing hotel welcome bags, though everyone will need to travel for my wedding (we're doing a semi destination wedding in our state). I think they're a really nice touch, but certainly not required if they're not in the budget. If you do them, check with the hotel to make sure they're willing to distribute them to your guests as they check in. Often, they'll do it for free, but I have heard of hotels charging to distribute per bag, so just make sure you know the policy. I recommend including things like coupons to nearby restaurants/wineries/places to go, a snack, water, a map of the area, a deck of cards, a welcome note, etc.


    I personally wouldn't worry too much about people having to travel for your wedding. Those that want to attend will find a way to make it happen, and often times, people look at it as a mini vacation! As for the part where you mentioned it being a lot more expensive than what your parents agreed to cover, can you either reduce the overall guest count to make it a little cheaper (but still make sure to invite guests from both families), or are you and your fiance able to cover the cost of extra people beyond what your parents can cover?
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Exactly what Caytlyn said. We are doing a hotel block for our destination wedding and will be having the hotel place welcome bags in each guests room. We will also be hosting a farewell brunch for everyone to thank them again for traveling.
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    We did welcome bags for all our guests as everyone had to pay to travel and stay. We had a destination wedding in FL.

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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Also - here is an article with some welcome bag ideas: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-welcome-bag
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  • A
    Savvy August 2021
    Ally ·
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    My parents said they'll be fine covering the extra guests. My Mom will not cut the guest list, because we already sent out our invites prior to postponing (even though she invited cousins I never see/don't remember). I just wish the communication was better, even when my FH told me, it took weeks for his parents to say anything, and they didn't even really say anything, he just did in front of them and they were like yeah. Then when I said his parents had to communicate that with mine, they didn't.

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  • A
    Savvy August 2021
    Ally ·
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    Thank you! We already have a room block, the hotel is a local one in a bad non-travel area, so we will have most of the hotel to ourselves anyway which will be nice.

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  • A
    Savvy August 2021
    Ally ·
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    Thank you!!

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  • Michelle
    Master April 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I don’t think I’m doing travel gift bags. The majority of the guests live near the venue. My aunt will be driving 1.5 hrs but will be staying with my dad, his sister & her family will be flying in but my FFIL has a ton of air miles so flight & hotel won’t cost them anything. If more guests from out of town say they’re coming & I’ll need to reserve blocks of rooms then I’ll probably do it. Thanks for the heads up!!
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    I would make sure you can even have the wedding in MA with the restrictions that they have. I'm not sure how to navigate that.

    I think the problem is that your parents seem to be the ones throwing the parties...your ILs can't farm the guests off on your parents, and you aren't responsible for your FH's family having to travel.

    Not sure if it's feasible at this point but the best way to deal with this is to take back control of the planning.

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  • A
    Savvy August 2021
    Ally ·
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    I'm already preparing to have to postpone the wedding again, especially because we now have more guest than before. We haven't sent out new save the dates or anything yet just in case we do have to move it again in the next few monhts. Right now we postponed to May, but we have a backup October date as well, and I have no problem postponing to 2022 if needed either lol

    Its just been frustrating. I've had my mom help plan a lot because I am not a girly girl or a planner or decorator, but she is. She's helped so much with the decorations and made all the centerpieces and has helped with pretty much everything, cause she's just better at it lol I have had to put her in her place with the guest list a few times, and she's been fine. It's just been easier on me with her help. I just wish the communication with my in laws was better with me and my parents.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Something that shocks many if staying in Boston area ( what city) or many towns is the cost of parking, and the cost of cars rented at Logan. And dealing with Logan. If you are not South of Boston, Did you look up flights to Manchester NH/ Boston, for an hour north a d northwest of Boston, or Worcester If an hour west?
    You may get a reasonable shuttle from one of these, for a bunch of people together, and have few rent, and rental cars are cheaper. Manchester particularly is easy since they upgraded it.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Yes, I had a similar situation to you! The city where my husband and I currently live (and where our wedding was held) is where he is from, and his whole family is here. I am from the other side of the country, and all of my family members, all of my bridesmaids, as well as most of my friends, had to take a flight in order to get here. However, the situation was different in that my parents and his parents split most of the wedding costs. However, we did have my entire side having to travel to get here. Because of this, we invited all out of town guests to our rehearsal dinner (but we also included my husband's local family members), we hosted a farewell brunch the morning after our wedding for everyone staying at our hotel block in the hotel's restaurant, and of course we did welcome bags Smiley smile I've also been to plenty of weddings where I had to fly and rent a car, and I'll say that the people who want to come will be there. I wouldn't feel too bad about your FH's family members because these things happen. But I would definitely do some kind of welcome bag at the hotel, as well as consider inviting them to an additional event if it's feasible for you

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  • N
    VIP September 2020
    Neeva ·
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    Unfortunately this is super common and it's okay! People understand and will travel if it's important to them and they are able to.

    We had our wedding in my hometown so my husbands family had to travel down. Most people drove since the distance was about 7 hours.

    I was going to do welcome bags but honestly got so busy with other things and the hotel wanted to charge me 6 bucks PER BAG to hand them out. So i nixed that real quick. Don't think anyone really cared or noticed

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  • A
    Savvy August 2021
    Ally ·
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    I have looked into Manchester! The venue is in central MA, and actually the same distance from Manchester as Logan. I have suggested flying into Manchester instead because its just easer to get into and out of the airport. The only problem is, for all the family in Pittsburgh, the only direct flights are into Boston, no one flys direct to Manchester. I don't think many people will care, but I know some of his family is going to turn it into a mini vaca and stay a day or 2 in Boston cause I know most of them have never been up that way before.

    We already told friends to book together and rend a car together to split the cost, or let us know when flights are and we have no problem picking people up with my parents Van and SUV's.

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  • A
    Savvy August 2021
    Ally ·
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    Awesome thanks! Glad someone else has gone through something similar lol

    I am definitely going to do bags for guest at the hotel, once I figure out what I should put in them. We are planning on having a huge Brunch/cookout the day after at my parents house, as it is only like 10 mins from the venue, for everyone as well.

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  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
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    It's extremely common for guests to travel for weddings and people do so without any thought. However no one expects a welcome bag outside of the wedding industry, and most of your guests won't know what they or miss them if you skip them.
    The majority of our guests are traveling but we can't really justify the cost (time/labor included) of welcome bags.
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Awesome! Sounds like everything will work out well. The brunch/cookout at your parents house sounds perfect. You'll want to check if your hotel block will charge you for distributing welcome bags. Because all of our welcome bags were identical, our hotel staff handed them to guests upon check in, but they would have charged had we labeled the bags with names (every hotel as a different policy). We filled the welcome bags with water bottles, various snacks and treats, and a mini "hangover kit" with advil, a gatorade packet, etc. Pretty much everything in the welcome bag was edible, and because we bought the contents in bulk, they were very inexpensive to make. Best of luck!

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