Totally new last name?

We are struggling with which one of us will take the other’s last name too! It’s so hard with family history/drama/trauma but I don’t want to lose my identity either. She wants to take one of our last names and I just wish we could take my middle name. Lol. some friends of mine combined their names and created a new one entirely and took that. It was really sweet . Point being, we can do whatever we want and sometimes the choice makes it so much harder! Can you guys choose a middle name or a name that means something to you both? Start a new family with just the two of you and the new name is the symbolism of that?

The two of you can absolutely decide what name you want to have after the marriage. Some states (e.g., Massachusetts) allow you to adopt any last name on marriage, which means neither of you would have to go through an official name change process. Others require that it be the last name of one of you (or even specify that it must be the last name of the husband in a heterosexual couple). In that case, you could change your last name before marriage, and then she could take yours on marriage.

As for how to bring it up, it sounds like it would be fairly easy. Just tell her that it's obvious neither of you wants the names you grew up with, and how about if you pick out a new name together?

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with this. This should be an easy conversation to bring up to the person you’re getting ready to marry. I would assume that she knows your family history and obviously can relate to the negative emotions you feel toward your last name.

Like Kat, I know a couple of couples who combined their last names to form a new last name they share. My FH and I discussed it but our names sound ridiculous together and it would mean changing the kids names too (nightmare!). I’m sure the two of you will pick something that makes you both happy and represents your new family together!

A friend of mine did that when she got married. He husband's father bailed when he was 2 and was never heard from again. So they decided to create their own last name instead.

He changed his first before the wedding, and she changed hers afterwards so their would be less paperwork.