Torn between family and wifely duties

I ask my fiancé when the absolute last day he has to work is and then we leave that day. And I ask him when he absolutely has to be back and we get back like the day before. My fiancé has to work holidays too while my family can take time off and that’s usually how we work it out. It gets tricky sometimes lol but it’s a nice compromise.

There's tons of unknown factors here that would sway my decision one way or the other. Do you live together? Does he work on the actual holidays? Does he have local family that he can spend time with? Without knowing any of this, I would probably go on vacation with my family. If he's working an 8+ hour shift on Christmas day, what's the sense in you sitting at home alone? If he's off on Christmas day and doesn't have family to spend the holiday with, that would change things for me.

Yes, we do live together, he moved in with me two years ago and all of his family and close friends are back east. He doesn’t know his holiday work schedule yet but employee policy is that they must work during the holiday seasons.

I personally wouldn’t take a 2.5 week vacation without my FH, especially during the holidays, but this is obviously a very personal decision. For me, spending whatever time I could with him surrounding the holidays (even if he worked on the holiday) and maybe starting our own holiday traditions would be more important than spending time with my parents/sibling(s).

I would see which part of the trip he could make and just go for that part and then spend the rest at home with him.

Have you discussed with your fiance? He and i have been doing holidays seperately our entire relationship and just started doing them together after getting engaged. But we recognize family is one of our top priorities in life. If I really wanted to spend the time with my family and my fiance didn't have an issue/feel left out I would definitely go with them.

You need to discuss with him and see what he's okay with.

I would go but come back early I wouldn’t want my FH to be alone the entire time .

I would probably try to see if he could go for a few days and you go together. If not I would maybe only spend 1 week with my family then come home and spend it with my FH.

I agree with those who suggest going for whatever time he can (maybe a few days?) And then either go home together or you stay a few extra days. I'd suggest being home together for the actual holiday unless he works that day but even then I'd want us together no matter how little time we had.
It also depends on travel, how long the trip home is and if it is drive or fly. Like, we live in AZ and would drive so we'd go and leave together to only take 1 car. If we lived further and flew then me going a few dates before or staying a few after would be fine. Plus, if he was working Christmas day but not night, you could see them that morning then be back before he is off work but likely that's expensive AF and requires strict planning.

Go for at least a week to 10 days. Spend the rest with FI. Why does it has to be either one or the other. If FI is mostly working, be with him a few days he is off, at least .

I would not take a vacation during holidays without my fiance.

Would it be possible for you to gown to Mexico for part of the time so you can also spend the holidays with your FH? IT could be the compromise you need to enjoy time with your family, but also to be with your FH around the holidays.

My understanding is that once you are married, your wifely duties come first. You have a new family which you've chosen to marry and spend the rest of your life with. Obviously, the family who raised you is just as important as your new family you are creating with your FH but you are a wife first and a daughter next just like he is a husband first and a son next. I think that's a part of being married to someone. I was told a true man stands up and protects for his own family rather than going back to his parents. I think the same goes for wives. This means having to consider the husband for every outing, holiday parties, vacations etc.

If we were in your position, I'd probably go with my family for at least part of the time. But I know FH would not go with his if the roles were reversed. I think it depends on yalls relationship and your relationship with your family. We don't typically spend holidays together, but I know that's weird haha.

I would pick 1 holiday and split them. Would you rather spend christmas with your family and new years with FH? Or vise versa?