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Savvy January 2020

Too many cousins.....

Deirdre, on June 30, 2019 at 7:28 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 16

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My mother is one of eight, and I am the oldest of the cousins, which leaves a lot of cousins. I have a few 5 or 6 (including spouses)t hat I have not seen in over 10 years, in fact some of them got married and engaged without me even knowing. If I invite the majority (the ones I know) what is the general etiquette? Should I invite them all to be fair? I was fully expecting to invite 100 people and have about 75. Now it is becoming more like inviting 125 and probably having a few more show up uninvited. This is becoming very cost prohibitive, but then part of me feels if I couldn't afford all of them, I should not have had a formal reception in the first place. I live and am having my wedding in Florida and purposefully set the date in January and part of winter break so that my Northern family could have a nice time and vacation. What to do? Invite them all?

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16 Comments

Latest activity by Mary, on July 1, 2019 at 10:03 PM

Expert June 2025
Jessica · on June 30, 2019 at 7:39 PM
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Honestly I'm was in the same boat. Same scenario my mom is 1 of 8 brothers & sisters and a 20 year age gap between my mom which is the youngest. I have cousins who have teens already. So me and my FH decided to forget it and do a intimate immediate family only DW. The guest list of inviting woulda been like 150 and now my invitation list is under 20. But I'm having a hard time lowering down my budget because I still want everything a normal wedding would be.
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Super August 2019
Tina · on June 30, 2019 at 10:01 PM
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I did invite all my first cousins even if they invited me or not to their ceremonies bc I have such limited family left. Its still alot of them..luckily lots of them live out of town. Lol. So the ones that are coming I actually know and talk too. I always do to ppl what I would have wanted done to me. So think if you would want to go to that cousin's ceremony if they were inviting you. .if not then I would just not invite that particular cousin. It's tough though
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Beginner July 2019
Ginger · on June 30, 2019 at 10:08 PM
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My mom is the youngest of 8. I also have tons of cousins whom I rarely see. I opted to not invite any cousins since I am not close to them. If anyone gets mad, I’ll just explain that no cousins were invited so don’t take it personally. Invite who is close to you.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on June 30, 2019 at 10:23 PM
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My parents have 64 aunts and uncles combined. I'm super close to some of my parents cousins (as they are my age). Some of them I'm not. I picked and chose. Geography and how friendly we are to each other was a big factor.
I did invite one set that I'm not super close to, just because I did invite both of his sisters.
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VIP December 2019
Michelle · on June 30, 2019 at 11:00 PM
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I picked and chose who to invite. I'm not inviting anyone I don't speak to on the regular. I'm inviting 2 of my mail cousins and not their two sisters. We all live in the different states but my boy cousins call me at least once every month or two to check in and come down every thanksgiving. I can't tell you the last time I spoke to the sisters
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VIP August 2019
Futuremrsk · on July 1, 2019 at 9:39 AM
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We had this problem with FHs family. His dad is one of 13! So he has a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles. The only person invited on his dads side, is his dad. FH doesnt talk to or see any of his cousins or aunts and uncles. We are not having a family reunion, we are getting married, so we only invited family and friends that we talk to and see regularly. His dad was fine with this when we talked to him about it.
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on July 1, 2019 at 9:49 AM
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We are in the same boat! My mom is one of five and my dad is one of five... each of them have kids (my cousins) and my cousins are all married with kids! It’s like 50 people in just cousins. We invited them all knowing that they all won’t come but we are financially planning for all to attend. It turned out “small” wedding into a huge one. My cousins invited me all to their weddings and I didn’t attend. I feel like it was the right thing to invite them all.. but that’s just for us. Do what you feel is the right thing in your heart. Good luck!
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Dedicated February 2020
Elizabeth · on July 1, 2019 at 10:34 AM
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Same boat- my mom is 1 of 11 and I have a crazy amount of cousins Just on this side. We decided to do a firm 21 and older reception (excluding bridal party). Then from there I am inviting only those cousins I feel I have a personal relationship with. I think there will be some disappointed people but you just have to draw the line somewhere.
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Devoted April 2020
Sara · on July 1, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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My mom is the baby of 5 and we still have a huge family with plenty of first second and third cousins. I am inviting those whom I am closest with and are more of an immediate family. I was not invited to all of their weddings and I completely understand. It becomes very costly. I’m sure your cousins that don’t get the invite will too. My firm guest list number was also 100 but we’re currently at 125. It happens fast and can add up the bills even faster!
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Super October 2021
Clarissa · on July 1, 2019 at 10:55 AM
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Same here my mom is 1 of 7 my dad is 1 of 15 and FH mom is 1 of 9. We’re only inviting people who we are close with and speak to regularly. And if anybody shows up uninvited they won’t be allowed in anyway.
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Super January 2020
Cassie · on July 1, 2019 at 10:57 AM
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My mom is 1 of 9 so there are a lot of cousins on her side but only 2 on my dads side. I am not inviting all my cousins, I’m inviting the majority on my first cousins and a few of my second cousins that were my age and I grew up with. Personally I feel like you should invite who you’re close with or speak to on a regular basis. We aren’t inviting any of my FHs cousins because they all live out of state, he didn’t grow up with them and is not close to them. We are however inviting his Aunts and Uncles. Also I live in Florida and choose January for my wedding, I figured it was the best month for cooler temperatures. 😊
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Devoted November 2019
Emily · on July 1, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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We are trying to have a smaller wedding also. My guy doesn't want to invite his cousins because he is really focusing on the budget. I on the other hand am okay with a few cousins and had planned to only invite 1 from my dad's side. My mom already told her side of the family about our wedding date, so the cat was kind of out of the bag. She knows we were trying to keep it small, so she is going to help us pay for some of the catering. I have 4 cousins on my mom's side and they all have 3-4 kids each. I don't know if that helps you or not!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on July 1, 2019 at 11:14 AM
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It sounds like not inviting any of them would be fair and best for your budget. If you have a favorite cousin or two you love and are close to, put them in your bridal party. Then they (and their spouses) can be invited without inviting every cousin.
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Super October 2019
Cassi · on July 1, 2019 at 1:39 PM
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My mother is 1 of 17 and shes the youngest. While most of my moms family has either passed or is a lot older to the point of not traveling I invited all the aunts and uncles but no cousins from her side. We kept the list to people that we are close with (and did a destination wedding as well). So on moms side of the family no cousins were invited just aunts and uncles. On my dads side of the family he is the oldest of 4 so I invited my aunts and uncles and all my cousins on that side (theres not many first off but secondly we are all a lot closer). My sister passed in January and my dads side of the family were all here and my moms side of the family 2 of my aunts came and thats it. I know people say etiquette says to invite family but if you're not close your not close and thats that. Its still your wedding and you have to pay for it if people do show up. It might be hard conversations but I would just explain flat out.
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Super September 2019
Jess · on July 1, 2019 at 1:56 PM
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I have the same situation. My FFIL is one of 8 and then all eight have kids meaning my FH has a lot of cousins! Also, my FH is one of the youngest meaning all these cousins are adults. So yes we invited all of them. This is why our wedding is 98% family and we didnt have much room to invite freidns due to our budget.
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Devoted November 2019
Mary · on July 1, 2019 at 10:03 PM
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Same here! My grandfather was one of 12 and I grew up with all of them as extra parents and now they all have kids and I am super close to them. I am inviting all of them but no friends. My FH is inviting mostly friends because he has a very small family so it works out!
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