To the brides marrying into a large family... HELP!!!

Luckily majority of his family is out of state, so I haven't gotten slammed with it. I know we will have to crop the guest list, but that will come when his mom gives us names. It's a catch 22 for us right now, we live hours away from parents/closest family, and everyone else is all over the US, so we haven't had much issues with unwanted advice/opinions or suggestions.

I have a huge family and consider myself close to the majority of them, but in different ways. I think understanding the relationships involved is huge. For example, there are a large group of us who get together for thanksgiving every year. I love them all and really look forward to it. I talk to them and listen to advice when we are together, but I don't seek them out for deep discussions. I have another whole group of relatives who live where I went to university and we are very close so I do actively call them up to ask opinions on things (not necessarily wedding related) at times. I have another group of relatives who I spend summers with (we all have cottages together). These are my relatives for parties and such as our relationships are based on relaxed summer time events.

Based on that, FH knows exactly who he needs to be the most familiar with and what are the best topics to discuss with different people. It's obviously a learning process and I have introduced him to people a few at a time over the years.

As for dealing with unsolicited advice, I haven't had much issue with that. The people who I trust the most wait for me to ask. However, it's important to know that everyone is eager to give advice so if you do ask be prepared for answers. As for guest list we invited everyone who I feel close to, but not necessarily all of their kids as that would have blown up our guest list. A lot of my first cousins are much older than me so the rule was: If your kids are around our age and we know them they are invited with any significant others. If they are older or younger than us and we don't really know them then no. If they are so young that you can't leave them at home then you can bring them, but otherwise, no. People have been pretty understanding.

One good thing about big families is that they have learned to get along with the different personalities within it -- hopefully.

My mom is an only child and my dad is one of 8. She had a lot of adapting to do as the first in-law in the family. Fortunately, she had only a MIL and 2 SIL -- the rest were guys!

FH has a rather large family. Okay, very large family - however, they are wonderful. I always think to myself, "I've hit the in-law jackpot"! They are very kind hearted, sweet, and just genuinely nice people. If they do have suggestions or input, I know it is coming from a good place.

I am the one with the large family. What are you intimidated about?

I think the attitudes and closeness of relationships of family members will have more to do with you having an easy or stressful time than the size. My extended family could not be more welcoming and easy going. I make sure to remind FH of their names and little ways he can remember them because there are so many. Aside from that he doesn't have anything to worry about. Now if there are very opinionated family members, especially mothers or sisters who may feel competitive with you, or who are used to making big decisions, that might be challenging. If we know more about your situation we can give you better advice. Finally, if you haven't had any problems yet, don't expect them. Try to be open minded and diplomatic, but let your FH have tougher conversations where you may disagree on planning details, not you.

My family counts for 20 people of our guest list. Our friends around 50. The remaining 230 is my FH family. My fiance is Filipino and he has a HUGE family while I can count mine on my hands and feet. At first it was super intimidating but it's been amazing becoming a part of their family. More people=super fun family events. My in laws are absolutely awesome and I feel super lucky to now be a part of this huge and amazing family unit.

FH both have large families, but mine is twice the size of his. Even though I am used to the large family mentality I was super nervous when I met a bunch of his extended family at his cousins wedding that i was verbally invited to (I was so worried that my FMIL had mistakenly invited me I almost made myself sick). Turns out that his family is amazingly nice and the bride was super excited to meet me. There was even a table card with my name on it, not just "Guest" so obviously I was worrying over nothing and need to calm down.

Moral of the story, relax!

@JamieLynn - I totally get it!

FHs family is a lot bigger than mine. My solution was simple ... we moved over 300 miles away and now only see them on special occasions or randomly! LOL ... Jk that wasn't the reason why we moved but hey it worked out! Don't get me wrong I love my FILs .... just can't be around them too toooo often, especially his mother! But again I love them and I am very grateful to become a part of their family. Holidays are great with all the love

FH has a HUGE family. He is the youngest of 5 children and has about 50 first cousins. His parents are each one of five as well. I, on the other hand, am an only child with one first cousin, so there is quite a difference! Thankfully, I get along with his family well, but when it comes to too many opinions from them (mainly just coming from his immediate family anyway), I leave it up to him to handle. He and I made sure that we both had a very clear understanding of what we wanted for our wedding, so if opposing opinions come up from his family, he is able to tell them "no" or figure out if we can compromise. For the record, my parents, FH, and I are all paying for the wedding, not his family.

Not sure if you are concerned about numbers on each side, but I think we have about 50 on my side of the guest list and 75 on his. So while it's not split evenly, it's not totally off-balance. We are keeping the wedding "small" (several members of his family have had 300-400+ guests at their weddings, so 125 seems small to them) by only inviting the cousins, aunts, and uncles that FH is closest with (about 35 people total including his immediate family). Because my entire family (parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents) is like, 15 people, I got to invite all of them. The rest of our list are our friends and our parents friends.

FI has a huge family. I would say it was very intimidating at first. There are a lot of personalities in one place. I'm usually am a quiet person around them but have come around with everyone. Sometimes it takes a little bit to get use to everyone but I haven't really had any issues. Everyone once in awhile someone might say something but FI has always been there if I've ever felt awkward haha.

I am the one with the large family in our case and I'm really curious what you're worried about. There are 6 kids in my immediate family, I have 40 aunts and uncles, somewhere around 70-80 cousins (most of whom are married with at least 2 kids). We know we are a large family and understand that not everyone has the same background. It has not affected my husband in any way.

I am actually on the other end of things---my family is huge and FH is coming from a family that isn't small but isn't anywhere near as big as mine. Just be ready for LOTS of family events and advice and suggestions. Take them all with a grain of salt. Be polite. Thank people for their suggestions. Continue planning solely on what you and FH envision your wedding to be. I personally LOVE being a part of a big family and I bet you will too. Enjoy!

My father is the oldest of 5 kids, Gpa is middle of 8, Gma is middle of 7. So that side of my family is pretty good but we are sticking with first cousins for the wedding and the rest of the cousins and family are invited to an open house we are having during my hometowns flower festival

FH has a huge family. He's the last of 15 children, so, with their families, it's about 50 people for just his immediate family, not including any cousins. I, on the other hand, am one of two. It has definitely been an eye-opening experience for me especially since some of them don't necessarily get along. I have a book where I wrote all of the names down with their spouses and children, otherwise I would never remember who is who. He is the baby though so there have been many, many marriages.

That said, my advice is to not try to remember them all at once, it's too overwhelming. Definitely have fun. Every gathering is super loud and crazy, just because of the number of people and while you can be polite, you don't have to listen to all their suggestions. Don't try to please everyone, you'll drive yourself crazy. Chances are they'll be super welcoming and really nice. At least that was my experience. Good luck

I have a huge family and while FH's family is not small it is much smaller than mine. I have 5 siblings and he's an only child. He's also the only grandchild on his maternal side while I have 30 first cousins. My mom has 7 siblings and my dad has 6 siblings. But overall we are more family oriented than he is. We do things together every holiday, vacation together, celebrate birthdays together. While his family MAY get together once a year. It was a big adjustment for him(esp since his ex's was more like his family=more distant). For example I would spend the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years) with my family he wanted to go to Vegas (and once he did). I feel more like Vegas is always there, family isn't. He has gotten better since he proposed but I had to tell him you are asking to join us (and I his family) they wanna know you and spend time with you. They aren't just trying to get on your nerves. So try not to see it that way. Don't feel like its a battle between you and them either.

Wow I didn't know it was this many people on WW that had as many or more siblings then I do. I have 6 brothers and 3 Sisters.

Mister's step-dad is from a HUGE Chinese family. I was so overwhelmed when I met them all at the family reunion, but they were all so welcoming and, while I can never keep the who's-who straight, they always hug me and ask how I've been and such whenever they see me. I'm pretty lucky in that all my FILs are super non-invasive and have a great understanding of boundaries and bubbles. I don't know what I would do if that side of the family was crazy or hated me. It would be really rough.