To reception, or not to reception, that is the question

Sorry in advance for the long winded post, guys. I unfortunately suffer from Libra Moon Brain. LOL If any of y'all are up to read it and share some thoughts or advice it will really be appreciated.

My FH and I have always been split over having a big wedding. We come from really different familial backgrounds. He comes from a small upper middle class family and I come from a low working class family with tons of siblings, cousins, and kids. He was obsessed with the idea of having all of our family and his lot of work friends there to support us on our wedding day. I feel a bit differently for a few reasons though, the most important being our budget, we are paying for everything ourselves. The second is having to deal with my family drama aka who doesn't talk to who, and everyone responding to inviations with questions like, "Well, who all is going?". Third, I have always felt inferior around his family and I am scared that my family and our wedding will not be up to par with what his family expects from him. Lastly, over time I have not kept as close with my family as they all are with each other so I fear that they really won't be as excited about our wedding as we are.

We have been engaged to be married for going on 5 years now (truthfully, in hind sight we got engaged way before we were ready). Early on in our engagement we had planned an intimate destination wedding ceremony in Florida and a family cruise to follow but we ended up canceling and just taking the vacation because it was apparent that my mom and others on my side of the family were not going to make it out. We found out that some of my relatives were saying that we were being 'too much' and that we should just be getting married in the courthouse because it wasn't that big of a deal. My feelings were hurt by this so I just stopped planning my future wedding all together. After that we moved out on our own and life sort of happen. We are much more stable financially, in our carreers, and as a couple.

Over the Pandemic we had so many convos about finally sealing the deal. We weighed the pros and cons of elopements, microweddings, and big weddings. We finally aggeed to have a romantic elopement in the desert because it best suites are vibe as the couple we have become (basically hermit types lol). We have already booked a gorgeous airbnb and a rad photographer. We are SO excited and looking forward to reciting our vows to one another. However, I can't shake the feeling that later on down the line he will regret not having his family there. I too myself am a bit worried that we are going to feel like we missed out on something. All of our parents are remarried so we would feel so weird about a parent only ceremony considering our vendors have a 4 person max. I brought up my anxiety to him and he suggested hosting a seperate reception a few weeks after the elopement ceremony so all of our friends and family could celebrate with us.

We have been looking into venues for this and it would basically be another 13k+. If we do host a party, most of his relatives will be flying out for the event, I am concerned that the elders on his side of the family will feel cheated out of a ceremony and potatially see the party as some gift grab. Have any of you had a second wedding just for the sake of family? Will it be weird to have a quick traditional ceremony for his family before the party? Considering my strained relationship is it fair to him that we just move on from the guilt and do this alone? We honestly could use that extra money towards a really amazing honeymoon. Or maybe I should see the wedding as a way to reconnect with both our families?

We are really torn between keeping it between us and involving our family. HELP.