Sue
Beginner August 2022

To plan a family or plan a wedding?

Sue, on February 10, 2021 at 1:50 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 32
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Is anyone else out there struggling to reconcile their wedding plans with their plans of starting a family? My husband and I moved our wedding from July 2020 to March 2021 and again to August 2022. In the meantime, we went ahead and got hitched last month in a small zoom ceremony at home. We're both super excited to finally be legally married, and about the prospect of having our wedding and finally celebrating with family and friends - hopefully safely in 2022. But, we also we want to start our family asap, as we are both in our late 30s. I'm concerned that **IF** we are able to conceive, it might end up conflicting with our 2022 wedding date. Do I really want to throw a big party post partum, when I'll likely be exhausted and not feeling like myself? That's if I'm incredibly lucky to conceive in the next few months. Do I give up on the wedding at some point? I know I don't have to choose one or the other just yet, but I'm worried that in all likelihood, it may come to that. I thought that finally getting married and starting a family would be the most special part of my life and I just feel like the pandemic has / will rob me of those experiences. I feel so disappointed because I don't have all the time in the world at my age and I worked so hard to finally get to this point in my life. To complicate matters further, my mother (who was looking forward to this even more than me) is terminally ill and may not make it to 2022. I know I have SO MUCH to grateful for in the grand scheme of things, but I also feel that as much people try to understand what I'm feeling, it's very difficult. Can any other covid brides out there relate?

32 Comments

Latest activity by Sue, on February 15, 2021 at 12:12 PM
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I'm not a Covid bride, but as someone struggling with infertility issues, my advice would be: if you're in your late 30s, I'd start trying to conceive right away. I'm very sorry you're going through this though.

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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    Thanks, Hannah! I appreciate that.
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  • Claudia
    Dedicated November 2021
    Claudia ·
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    We postponed our wedding to November and cut the size down to 10 people. We found out I will have to have a hysterectomy soon, so pregnancy is completely off the table for us. It's been a struggle, sure, but even then what's helped us both is putting importance on our marriage and not focusing so much on the wedding itself. Of course we would have loved to have had a family in the traditional sense and to have the wedding we originally planned but we have each other and the rest of our lives together to look forward to. It's all about perspective. Sympathies go out to you.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert June 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag

    What you're feeling is super valid, and it's such, such a shame that the pandemic has robbed you of your 2020 *and* 2021 weddings/wedding plans, and I truly hope that you guys (including your mom) will be able to enjoy a safe, healthy, and fun wedding in 2022. You are definitely, definitely not alone in trying to reconcile what you thought would be the most special time of your life with what's actually been happening...and the anxiety of trying to re-write your life plans and goals. I really really resonated with your words with "I know I have SO MUCH to grateful for in the grand scheme of things, but I also feel that as much people try to understand what I'm feeling, it's very difficult." I also feel like most people will say something to (try to) cheer me up like "well at least you're already legally married." Sure, that's true....I'm very glad to be legally married!......aaaaaand i'm *also* having a tough time with re-framing things in my mind. And I also resonated with your question about whether you'll have to give up on the wedding at some point. I also wonder if I will. I hope neither of us do, but it's at the forefront of my mind. I don't have any great insight, but I can absolutely relate to your post and your dilemma.

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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    Thank you so much for your kind words, Allie! It's really helpful to know that someone can relate and not try to silver line it. We're allowed to feel both incredibly grateful and incredibly sad at the same time. I hope neither of us has to give up our wedding. I also hope we can each somehow reconcile things as best as we can in our minds in the meantime. Thank you again for your understanding!!
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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    I understand where your coming from. I am getting married in April of 2022 I had a stillborn last December what would have been our 9th child. I would like to try again now and have a baby now. However, my fiance wants to wait until our honeymoon to conceive so I can have fun at my wedding instead of being exhausted

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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    So sorry to hear that, Claudia. I hope you're feeling supported throughout your struggles and that your November wedding is (was??) incredibly special and meaningful. Sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive partner which is most important!
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  • Claudia
    Dedicated November 2021
    Claudia ·
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    Thank you, and yes very supportive. I know all of these big life changes are tough, especially when they've piled up like they have with you.
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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you're getting all of the support you need as you recover and mourn. And I hope that you are able to have a ton of fun at your wedding next year! I totally understand your dilemma.
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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    Absolutely!! It's just a lot at once. It will take a while to process. Trying to focus on how wonderful and supportive my husband has been / is.
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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I’m really sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you. Sometimes we can just never know what to expect in life.
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  • Claudia
    Dedicated November 2021
    Claudia ·
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    Thank you DJ, I appreciate your kind words 💜
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I would definitely put starting a family over a wedding.
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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Sending you prayers.
    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy August 2022
    Marion ·
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    Covid bride here and we’ve been having the same conversations with my fiancé. Our situation is a bit different because we are younger and we’re not legally married yet.


    Our wedding is in August 2022 and we started trying in July of last year. I’ve had 2 miscarriages since. I’ve decided to keep trying until July of this year. That way if I do get pregnant, I have enough time postpartum to get back in shape and the baby will be old enough at the wedding to be minded by family.
    Do you already have your dress? I’m planning on buying mine before I’m pregnant to leave enough time for alterations after baby.
    Since you’re already married, I’d just ttc now. You really don’t want to waste any time because so many complications can pop up. Getting pregnant can be a battle for some of us.
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  • M
    Beginner August 2021
    Marie ·
    • Flag

    Hi there, another covid bride here! I would also say go for starting a family rather than the wedding, especially if you are worried about age and infertility.

    If it makes you stressed to think whether the wedding will happen or not and whether you will get pregnant at the "wrong" time (and you don't want to be too stressed while pregnant or trying to get pregnant), have you had thoughts of having a big wedding+baptism or naming ceremony (a non-religious party for honoring the baby) together after you have a baby and having a small wedding soon so that your mum can attend?

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  • Jena
    Beginner December 2021
    Jena ·
    • Flag
    Hi there, i just wanted to say that you are not alone in your feelings. I can really relate to your internal struggle of feeling upset at the situation we are in, yet guilty for wanting what we want, too. I’m in my mid 30s and my fiancé is 40. We were together for 10 years and engaged for 1 year (right before the pandemic hit). Our plan is to get married legally in the summer, with just our parents to see it, and hold the larger event in December 2021 when things hopefully get better. While our parents are not sick, they are up there in age (80s). A large number of those around us have had issues recently with pregnancy in general. So with all these factors, we feel that same real and daunting pressure mounting. We planned for December in hopes of finding a balance between safety and hitting those life goals of a wedding and starting a family, all with our parents still around to see it. Is there possibility for holding your larger event a little bit earlier, like maybe at the end of this year? I see some really encouraging news with vaccines ramping up and states loosening some of those strict restrictions with new safety guidelines in place. There’s no shame in wanting it all, and perhaps you still can...with a little pivot here or there and a lot of “balance” Smiley smile
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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    Hi Marion, so glad to hear that you can relate. Especially since your wedding is planned for the same month as mine! I'm basically trying to do the same thing. We've already been trying and the hope is that of we succeed by around July. But obviously that is just a best case scenario hope.


    I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I'm sure that is painful and I'm wishing you peace as you heal, as well as the best of luck with TTC in the coming months. You're so right, trying to get pregnant can be such a difficult battle.
    I actually bought my dress right before the pandemic (lol). I never had it altered so it's just hangs in my closet. I bought it specifically for a pre-baby body, so who knows if I would fit into it in the future. I like your plan to buy the dress now and leave time for alterations later. I think you will at least get to enjoy the dress buying process and hopefully bring a little happiness in this time of uncertainty.
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  • Sue
    Beginner August 2022
    Sue ·
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    Thank you so much!!
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Can you do just a “parents only” elopement now so they can be there, then plan a vow renewal AFTER you have a baby? That way you can enjoy getter married now and take time focusing on baby/health. You can plan a vow renewal any time, even on a 2 or 5-year anniversary! I wouldn’t try to have a wedding/baby at the same time. Really stressful which isn’t good for your/baby’s health or relationship.
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