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Expert October 2020

To Invite or Not..?

Haley, on May 20, 2019 at 4:12 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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We are having about 120 people at our wedding. We are both inviting most of our cousins and all aunts/uncles, grandparents. I have a cousin who I was close with years ago when her kids were born (they are like 9 and 11 now I think). I babysat them for about 5 years from birth to kindergarten. We were really close during that time. Fast forward to now, she has a new husband who has a son (i'm not super fond of either of them honestly) and I haven't really spoken to her in years. She recently saw me at a wedding and asked me (IN FRONT OF HER KIDS) why I haven't asked them to be flower girl and ring bearer in the wedding yet!

I'd feel bad if I just invited her and NOT the kids (bc honestly I'm closer with them) but we are not having any kids at the wedding. I am having our niece be the flower girl and then her mom will take her home after the ceremony probably. Other than that, no kids.

So my question is, should I invite her and her husband and not include the kids? Or not invite them and when she asks (bc I'm sure she will) just say "i felt terrible i couldn't include the kids and i figured you didn't want to come without them" or what? Also her mom is my great aunt (grandpas sister) and shes invited along with her husband. All our other cousins are invited. It's really just the kids that are throwing me off.

(Side note: I really can't make an exception and have these kids there because then my other cousins will want to bring their kids and i've only met the kids like once or twice AND its not in the budget AND they're all under the age of 5 and that is too much for me)

This is one of those family drama situations that I didn't feel like i'd have and yet here we are....haha

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine S., on May 20, 2019 at 6:50 PM

VIP September 2019
Melissa · on May 20, 2019 at 4:18 PM
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If all your other cousins are invited except her, I would invite her and the husband but advise that your budget and venue space can’t accommodate everyone’s kids.
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Expert May 2021
Jaime · on May 20, 2019 at 4:18 PM
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Definitely don't invite the kids. How rude to suggest that her kids be in the wedding.
It's up to you to decide to invite the adults. It sounds like they would be in your cousin circle to extend invites to the adults, so you could go with that. They are being treated the same as everyone else in terms of no kids, so if they say something you can let them know the invitation is for the two adults.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 20, 2019 at 4:37 PM
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If you’re not having any kids at the wedding then you really shouldn’t have to explain anything to her about her children not being invited. If you weren’t going to invite her in the first place and you extend the invite now and she chooses not to come because of the no children situation, it’s not really a loss to you, right? Just treat the invite as you’ve treated all the rest of your invites.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on May 20, 2019 at 4:42 PM
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I'd invite her & her husband, and just make it clear it's an adult wedding.
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Devoted September 2021
Cassy · on May 20, 2019 at 4:51 PM
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I’d just invite her and her husband and let her know it’s an all adult wedding, it’s not like you’re inviting other kids and just leaving hers out. If she decides not to come because the kids can’t that’s her decision but at least you put the invite out there.
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Devoted October 2019
Annemarie · on May 20, 2019 at 5:26 PM
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Invite the parents. It's a no-kids wedding. It isn't personal. They should understand that.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 20, 2019 at 6:50 PM
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Sounds like this is already an adults-only wedding. I would invite her and the husband.
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